*Yes, I realize we're well too soon for Spring, but calling it a "Winter" preview doesn't seem right either. I'm learning to make my peace with it, and so should you.
Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Movie: The Bounty Hunter (Andy Tennant)
High-Concept Synopsis: Gerard Butler plays a bounty hunter who is given the assignment to bring in his ex-wife (Jennifer Aniston). While the prospect of being able to rough up his ex-lady and send her to jail is clearly AWESOME, Gerard and Jen do the bicker-kiss-bicker thing, and ... you've seen a romantic comedy before, right?
Who Will Be Seeing It: Jennifer Aniston fans, still riding high on the fumes of John Mayer hatred and looking for ways to celebrate the impending Brangelina breakup. Fans of the "I Hate You!" subgenre of romantic comedy. Fans of director Tennant's somewhat underrated Sweet Home Alabama.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who continue to wonder why Gerard Butler is headlining movies. Twitter partisans who hold Jennifer Aniston's John-Mayer-reported anti-tweet stance against her. Anybody who's seen any other Andy Tennant movie besides Sweet Home Alabama.
Why I'd See It: Wow, two stars I don't care for, a premise that seems both tired and unpleasant, all directed by the man who brought us (*deep breath*) Fool's Gold, Hitch, Anna and the King, Ever After, Fools Rush In, It Takes Two, and Beyond Control: The Amy Fisher Story (aka The Drew Barrymore One). So...you know. March 19
Movie: The Runaways (Flora Sigismondi)
High-Concept Synopsis: The story of the famous punk band The Runaways, notable for being comprised of scary teen girls. Kristen Stewart plays Joan Jett, Dakota Fanning plays Cherie Currie, and Alia Shawkat and Michael Shannon co-star.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Teen audiences who have never heard of The Runaways but have heard of a little movie called Twilight. Runaways fans who can take some delight in the fact that their band will be corrupting Twilight-loving youth. Weirdo creepers drawn in by the allure of K-Stew and Fanning making out.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: Twilight-haters, nearly as single-minded in their devotion as the trendy Edward-lovers themselves. Teams Edward and Jacob, showing a rare moment of solidarity in their opposition to Team Jane.
Why I'd See It: Even if it's not strictly good, it should be fun/strange to see Stewart and (especially) Fanning stretch so far beyond what they've done. March 19
Movie: Greenberg (Noah Baumbach)
High-Concept Synopsis: Unemployed malcontent Ben Stiller moves to L.A. to housesit for his brother, meet a girl (Greta Gerwig), and figure his shit out. Rhys Ifans and Jennifer Jason Leigh co-star.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of mumblecore, Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale; Maargot at the Wedding), and complaining. Fans of LCD Soundsystem, whose music gets a big ol' plug in the trailer. Fans of current television comedy, as Dave Franco (Scrubs), Brie Larson (United States of Tara), and Merritt Wever (Nurse Jackie co-star.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who use the word "hipster" or "emo" to describe everything they don't like. Still non-fans bracing themselves for the moment when Robin Williams as General Custer shows up. Anti-Semites.
Why I'd See It: Noah Baumbach makes movies I end up liking but not loving. And Ben Stiller is obviously a question mark. But I liked what I saw from the trailer, and I am especially ready for the world to embrace Greta Gerwig. I liked her in Baghead and I really loved her in House of the Devil. March 19
Movie: How to Train Your Dragon (Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois)
High-Concept Synopsis: Nerdly young Viking (voiced by Jay Baruchel) is sent out to tame a dragon as a rite of passage; ends up adopting a baby one instead. Other voices include Gerard Butler, America Ferrera, Jonah Hill, Kristen Wiig, Craig Ferguson, and McLovin.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of DreamWorks Animation (Kung Fu Panda) and/or directors Sanders and DeBlois (Lilo & Stitch). Olympics fans who see "Nordic" among the plot keywords and get visions of ski-jumping adventures. People who feel the friendly-dragon genre has been underserved in the post-Puff years.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: Fans of wooly mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers, and other legendary beasts of the North who understandably feel slighted. Pixar partisans who will bear no intra-genre competition. Pro-dragon groups dismayed that, once again, dragon characters are being voiced by non-dragons.
Why I'd See It: This might be the movie I see that lets me support Jay Baruchel's leading-man career without having to actually see She's Out of My League. Plus, the voice cast -- Gerard Butler aside -- is pretty fun, and I do regret forsaking Kung Fu Panda for The Zohan back then. March 26
Movie: Chloe (Atom Egoyan)
High-Concept Synopsis: Julianne Moore suspects her husband (Liam Neeson) is cheating on her, so she does the logical thing and hires a call-girl (Amanda Seyfried) to try to seduce him. Things just get worse from there.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of the top-notch cast getting what seems to be grown-up material. Fans of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, if the lurid trailer is anything to go by. Atom Egoyan fans who feel the esoteric Canadian could stand to make some money for once.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who see the trailer and are scared off by how hokey and "sinister Jezebel" it all seems. Filmgoers who limit themselves to one Liam Neeson movie in a given two-week span, and in Clash of the Titans he's all shiny-like. Tiger and Elin Woods on date night.
Why I'd See It: I recall it getting pretty good notice at the Toronto and London film festivals, and it very well could be that the marketing has decided to sell it to dumbshit Americans as a silly thriller, but now I'm worried it could be exactly that. Ah well, Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried means I'm seeing it. March 26
Movie: Clash of the Titans (Louis Letterier)
High-Concept Synopsis: Oh, you know. Zeus be startin' shit.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Greek mythology buffs who don't want to overthink it. Fans of the 1981 original interested to see what this epic tale of heroes and gods would look like with any semblance of a budget. People who saw the bombastic, lunkheaded trailer and giggled in a good way.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: Greek mythology buffs who are already perfecting their exaggerated eye-rolls. Schindler's List partisans who have been long waiting for Liam Neeson and Ralph Feinnes to reunite onscreen and do NOT think it's amusing that they're finally doing so here. People whose eyes glaze over at the thought of Sam "Zzzzzz" Worthington headlining another big-ticket event movie.
Why I'd See It: Look, I thought it seemed pretty stupid too. But that trailer had worn me down, and if the finished product is anywhere near as enthusiastically bombastic and that delightfully stooped clip suggests, I'm in. April 2
Movie: The Last Song (Julie Ann Robinson)
High-Concept Synopsis: Miley Cyrus moves out to the country to live with her dad (Greg Kinnear), meet a boy (Aussie hottie Liam Hemsworth), sing a song, you know how she does.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Fans of Miley, who now seem positively quaint in the wake of Twi-mania. Fans of Nicholas Sparks, who is switching things up here by writing the screenplay before writing the book. Fans of the titular song, whatever it will end up being, as it comes to dominate iTunes, get performed on American Idol, and ultimately the subject of a wave of YouTube videos.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: Hannah Montana psychos who can't handle Miley branching out to a character who is exactly the same except the whole dual-identity thing. People who would rather die of a vaguely consumptive disease than watch another tragic Nicholas Sparks movie. Greg Kinnear fans who can't quite bring themselves to watch their guy assume "the Billy Ray Cyrus role."
Why I'd See It: Believe it or not, the trailer actually makes it look like a halfway decent (if not a bit original) little movie. It's a baby step, but if Miley is gonna be a billionaire anyway, she might as well learn how to act in real-people movies. April 2
Movie: Why Did I Get Married Too (Tyler Perry)
High-Concept Synopsis: Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson appear to be the central marriage-regretting couple in this sequel. But fear not! There are also plenty of other cast members (Jill Scott, Michael Jai White, Cicely Tyson) ready to deliver insight into the male/female divide. Spoiler: you probably just need to embrace traditional gender roles and Jesus.
Who Will Be Seeing It: Men who can't figure out why women so crazy. Women who can't figure out why men so stupid. Anybody who saw the bugfuck trailer that made the whole movie look like Independence Day II.
Who Won't Be Seeing It: People who saw the first Why Did I Get Married and thought the question was sufficiently answered. Madea and Madea-supporters who are put off that this movie won't feature their favorite abusive transvestite. People who saw subsequent trailers that made the movie look more like what the movie actually is.
Why I'd See It: I can't tell you how disappointed I am that the movie isn't the Bad Boys 2-level extravaganza that the initial trailer suggests. With that gone, what's left? Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson? Pass. April 2