Sunday, November 29, 2009

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2009 NFL Picks, Week 12

Green Bay at Detroit (Thurs)
Aaron: A few years ago, there were rumblings that the NFL was planning to take the Lions' annual Thanksgiving home game away. The city put up a big stink and the league backed down. "You can take away our auto industry, Motown and our spirit, but hands off our late November home blowout losses, America!" Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Hey, I'm just happy for my annual holiday bonanza of fantasy points. No, not you, Frequently Injured Calvin Johnson. Pick: Green Bay

Oakland at Dallas (Thurs)
Aaron: Worst thing about Thanksgiving = hack sportswriters and broadcasters using the holiday to dredge up "turkey of the year" columns and commentary. "Turkey" hasn't been an acceptable derogatory term since Jimmie Walker left the airwaves, white people. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Hey, let's keep up the meaningless wins in a lost season, Raiders. That first round pick dan drop safely behind the Bills aaaaany time. Pick: Dallas

N.Y. Giants at Denver (Thurs)
Aaron: Both teams are fighting for their playoff lives and both teams haven't looked good in recent weeks. Especially, Denver. Huh...that was easy. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Man, this is gonna be a boring holiday with us picking the same teams. Perhaps I'll go with Denver... Pick: Denver (gulp)

Picks for Sunday's games, after the break.

Seattle at St. Louis
Aaron: Seattle's 28-0 shutout of the Rams earlier this season doesn't scare me off from picking St. Louis. Rams RB Steven Jackson missing most of this week's practices, though? Yikes! Pick: Seattle

Joe: Up through the first quarter of that Saints game, the Rams had been a fairly reliable pest -- good for keeping games close without exactly winning. I wouldn't be shocked if they won here -- but I also wouldn't be shocked if the Seahawks beat them by thirty. Pick: Seattle

Carolina at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: After 11 weeks worth of fantasy games, I think it's finally safe to g'head and release the NY Jets defense from my roster. Pick: Carolina

Joe: My faith in the Jets has not been rewarded this year. In similar news, Michael Jackson's faith in being alive has not been rewarded this year. Carolina's been hot lately. All signs point to a
cooler game, right? (Note: This is why I don't gamble.) Pick: NY Jets

Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: I'll be honest: this rivalry has a lot less impact on me since erstwhile Buccaneer/Falcon RB Warrick Dunn returned to the forest moon of Endor after last season. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: As do-or-die games for the Falcons go, this one could be worse. Pick: Atlanta

Miami at Buffalo
Aaron: If I had known the Bills' new coach was Black, I'd have picked Buffalo last week on general principle. You know who else is Black? Ricky Williams. Pick: Miami

Joe: So Mike Shanahan met with the team for seven hours this past week regarding the head coaching vacancy. Now all we need is 1997 John Elway and Terrell Davis and we'll be in business! Pick: Miami

Washington at Philadelphia
Aaron: It's becoming obvious that the NFC East is planning to give us the league's first 7-9 division champion. Why can't us, Redskins fans! Answer - because your team is horrible. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: The NFC East is still waiting for a team to back into its division title. There's still time for a few more non-fatal losses, Eagles! Pick: Philadelphia

Cleveland at Cincinnati
Aaron: Didn't we all agree that no struggling QB could use a good game against a terrible team and call it a "breakout performance"? Seriously, I thought this was a societal rule like "Always shake hands with your right hand". I'm not dusting off my Brady Quinn rookie cards yet. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Losing to the Raiders was bad, yes, but losing to the Raiders and THEN the Browns? That should be followed by a voluntary abdication of your playoff spot. Don't make us peer-pressure you into that, Bengals. Pick: Cincinnati

Indianapolis at Houston
Aaron: If I've learned nothing else from the increasing canyon between me and Joe's win-loss record, it's to stop picking against undefeated teams. Even though, I know it's gonna burn me here. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Well, I mocked the Texans' ability to keep it close with the Colts last time and they almost won. This time, they'll have the law of averages even more solidly on their side. Pick: Houston

Jacksonville at San Francisco
Aaron: Have I picked a 49ers game correctly this season? Those of you who bet the opposite of me should take heed. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. Damn it. Pick: Jacksonville

Kansas City at San Diego
Aaron: At this writing, the Chargers have until 1:00 PM on Saturday to sell 1,300 tickets in hopes of avoiding their first TV blackout in five years. C'mon, blackout. These are the things a fan of bad team must root for: ruining other fans' weekend. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Looks like the Chargers have a bead on that ill-fated playoff matchup Cam prophecied a few weeks ago. Pick: San Diego

Chicago at Minnesota
Aaron: I gotta say, I'm genuinely surprised by how much I'm enjoying the Jay Cutler backlash. 11 weeks into the season and NOW pundits are realizing how he might not have been a good fit for the Bears' grind-it-out offense? Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Rot in hell, Bears running game. Rot deep in the core of hell. Pick: Minnesota

Arizona at Tennessee
Aaron: We've gotta put a stop to this ridiculous "run the table" talk coming out of Tennessee. I can think of no other way to assure a Titans loss than... Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Sticking with the hot hand. Of course, Arizona's got a hot hand too. Pick: Arizona

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Aaron: Why do those in charge of picking prime time games think that a final score of 13-12 played on a soft bog is compelling television? Pick: Baltimore

Joe: As you all probably know, we've progressed from a Charlie Batch Watch to a Charlie Batch Warning. Please find a safe place to ride this out. Pick: Baltimore

New England at New Orleans
Aaron: Well, I've painted myself into quite the corner. I like the Patriots here, but in accordance with my new "undefeated" team rule... Pick: New Orleans

Joe: This time, when Belichick makes the a-hole call to go for it on 4th down in his own territory, it will be from the comfort of a 10-point lead. Pick: New England


Anonymous said...

As a Chicago lifer, I say- Suck a duck, Jay Cutler. What a season.

That Bootleg Guy said...

This Vince Young thing. mind is officially blown.

rakeback said...

When Calvin Johnson is healthy he is one of the top 5 wide receivers in the NFL even as a 2nd year player. Stafford has been inconsistent, but shown that he has the potential to be a great qb a few years down the line. Cant wait to see these guys develop together.