Sunday, November 08, 2009

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2009 NFL Picks: Week 9

Last Week:
Joe 9-4
Aaron 8-5

Season to Date:
Joe 78-38
Aaron 73-43


Green Bay at Tampa Bay

Aaron: So, wait. This is gonna be like Star Wars, right? Aaron Rodgers is Luke Skywalker, Brett Favre is Darth Vader, and after a return trip to Dagobah (Tampa Bay), Rodgers will come back and chop off Favre's hand in the playoffs. Right? Please? Pick: Green Bay

Joe: This scenario only works if Han Solo, Leia, and chewy were really, really terrible offensive linemen. Pick: Green Bay

Arizona at Chicago

Aaron: The first of many games this week that I'll be picking with my patented, occasionally correct "who's the home team" strategy. "Well, folks, when you're right 52% of the time..." Pick: Chicago

Joe: Okay, 1) I knew -- KNEW -- I should've picked Arizona to get upset last week. They're not a bad team, but not to be trusted either. Which cuts both ways -- they'll also win when you think they won't. 2) Unseasonably warm in Chicago today. Pick: Arizona

Kansas City at Jacksonville

Aaron: With all due respect to the ladies, "You got beat by Vince Young" is the new "You got beat by a girl". Hang your heads, Jaguars. Hang your heads. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: I still have zero confidence picking Jags games. And they're certainly capable of making the KC offense look way better than they are. Oh, shit. I can feel it happening. I'm talking myself into it. Saaaaaave meeeeee, Jeeeeebuuuuuus! Pick: Kansas City

Rest of the picks after the jump...

Miami at New England

Aaron: Why do so many prognosticators seem use the words "they match up well" for the Dolphins regardless who they're playing from week to week? In seven games, Miami's beaten the Jets (twice) and the Bills (who hasn't?) They match up well with those two teams. Two. That's it. Pick: New England

Joe: I love how we've ended up in a universe where you hate the Dolphins more than I do. Having grown up in the era of Crybaby Dan Marino and Jerky Grandpa Don Shula, I never thought it possible. Pick: New England

Washington at Atlanta

Aaron: My sincere thanks to the Falcons for a textbook "backdoor" cover against the Saints last week that I laid real money on...and won! I only need to make another $205 this year to break even on my online gambling account for 2009! Pick: Atlanta

Joe: Always a good sign when there's public infighting among your coach, players, owner, AND alumni. All that's left is for Doug Williams and Jay Schroeder to pick sides and it is ON. Pick: Atlanta

Baltimore at Cincinnati

Aaron: The next two weeks for Cincy: Ravens, Steelers. The next three weeks after that: Raiders, Browns, Lions. The Bengals just might win 10 games this year. Rooting for them only serves to keep Chad Ochosambo on the fringes of relevance, kids. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: OCHO! OCHO! OCHO! (Sadly, I do think the Ravens make enough adjustments to nip the Bengals this week.) Pick: Baltimore

Houston at Indianapolis

Aaron: Where did this misconception come from that the Texans "always play the Colts hard"? Houston's 1-13 lifetime against Indy and hasnt' beaten them since 2006. Do, like, four close defeats equal one eventual win at some indeterminate future date? Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: You know, I had the same observation. Is this "Texans play though" impression coming from that Sage Rosenfels game last season? I really, really hope not, sports media. Pick: Indianapolis

Carolina at New Orleans

Aaron: Dude I work with is a hee-YUGE Saints fan. But, after a lifetime of heartbreak, he won't wholly commit to this undefeated Saints team. I predict he'll come around just in time to see the 13-3 Saints get bounced in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Shhh...that's what I'm rootin' for. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Good for the Saints the Panthers got all that pesky winning out of their systems last week. New Orleans will get their first lost eventually, but not this week. Pick: New Orleans

Detroit at Seattle
Aaron: After last week's loss to the lowly Rams, I think it's time to cordon off Detroit from the rest of the country and wait for Snake Plissken to try'n escape or something. What? Oh, is their current plan is working? Pick: Seattle

Joe: Fun fact: Seattle's only two wins this season were by scores of 28-0 (over the Rams) and 41-0 (over the Jags). So, good news, Lions! Score just once and you'll win! Pick: Seattle

San Diego at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: I can't be bothered to check the forecast, but if the conditions are favorable for Philip Rivers to throw the ball with impunity...ah, screw it, I'm five games behind Joe. I'm checking the conditions, hang on. Sunny and 64 degrees? Against the Giants' secondary?! It's clobberin' time. Pick: San Diego

Joe: This is basically two of the same team, right? Neither is as good as the media wants them to be when they're winning. The sky could not be falling harder when they're winning. Both hated by Cam for irrational reasons. Pick: NY Giants

Tennessee at San Francisco

Aaron: To paraphrase m'man Marsellus Wallace - a character from a little-seen 15-year-old indie movie - "I'm pretty f***ing far from taking Vince Young on the road". Good movie. Y'all should rent it. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: I still don't see how Tennessee's fortunes lie in any way with Vince Young. But I still like the Niners at home. Pick: San Francisco

Dallas at Philadelphia

Aaron: The stench from the Eagles' epic bed-crapping in Oakland is still pretty ripe. It'll be a few more weeks before Donovan McNabb lets his guard down against an inferior opponent, again. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: It's too bad; I was enjoying the Dallas resurgence and the added layer of ridiculousness it added to the Roy Williams breakdown. Pick: Philadelphia

Pittsburgh at Denver

Aaron: My Monday Night plans include watching this game, celebrating my 7th wedding anniversary and heading down to Mission Valley for the Bill Simmons book signing appearance. I am kidding about one of these things. Pick: Denver

Joe: It's too bad, because I'm sure Bill would have fresh and trenchant observations on the subject of marriage. Pick: Pittsburgh


Kris McN said...

You know what? I'll take that win over Detroit, even a close game, even though it's in Seattle, because I need that win. I'm not too proud to admit it. *fingers crossed that nobody pokes Hasselbeck in the ribs*

whatworks said...
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