Sunday, November 01, 2009

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2009 NFL Picks: Week 8

Last Week:
Joe 9-4
Aaron 8-5

Season to Date:
Joe: 69-34
Aaron: 65-38


Denver at Baltimore

Aaron: Here's the deal - instead of claiming that THIS is the week the Broncos are "exposed" (as I've done once - maybe twice - this season), I'll just say they're going to lose. It happens. They're still good. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: I said it two weeks ago, if Denver wins (they did), they'll be last year's Titans. I'll stick with that. Pick: Denver

Houston at Buffalo

Aaron: The Texans should put as much on the board as they can. After Sunday, two of their next three games are against the Colts. This week will be the equivalent of taking on Glass Joe before signing on to fight 1987 Mike Tyson. Pick: Houston

Joe: Silly Cam'ron. Glass Joe wasn't within three fights of Tyson. For shame. Pick: Piston Honda Houston

Cleveland at Chicago

Aaron: G'head and start that oft-predicted Super Bowl run whenever you're ready, Bears. We'll just ignore your upcoming schedule (two vs. Vikings; at Ravens) and keep swallowing that optimism from September. Pick: Chicago

Joe: The Browns continue their tour through America's sausage-iest cities. Unsurprisingly, Cleveland is fattening these teams up. Pick: Chicago

St. Louis at Detroit

Aaron: GAAH! Not since Hiroshima, has a city been...etc. Pick: Detroit

Joe: TWO wins this season? Pace yourselves, Lions. Pick: Detroit

Miami at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: I like a pissed off and embarassed Dolphins team to do bad, bad things to Mark Sanchez in a game where the elements aren't expected to be a factor. Pick: Miami

Joe: These teams are too evenly-matched for there to be a season sweep. Also, glad to know that the universe has righted its axis and football fans can hate Mark Sanchez for being pretty throwing interceptions. Pick: NY Jets

San Francisco at Indianapolis

Aaron: So, this a trap game? The Colts play Houston next week - an in-division foe who always gives 'em fits. Or is the Houston game a trap game, since Indy has the Patriots on 11/15? Can we get a ruling on this? Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: This is a mismatch, Cam. A mismatch. Pick: Indianapolis

Seattle at Dallas

Aaron: How has Dallas WR Roy Williams gotten a pass from the national media despite being a me-first prima donna who half-asses it each and every time the ball's not thrown his way and 50% of the time when it is? If he were black...wait, what? Pick: Dallas

Joe: Wait, so you're saying Roy Williams is a wide receiver? In other news, Dallas seemed like a completely different team last week. At least on defense. Those guys wanted to hurt some people, each and every play. Keep it up and they might be able to save Wade Phillips's job! Uh...congratulations? Pick: Dallas

N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia

Aaron: Hey, they're playing the same day as Game 4 of the World Series between the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies! Why hasn't the national media picked up on this amusing coincidence? Pick: NY Giants

Joe: I can't expect a West Coaster like you to appreciate how important this covergance of space-time is. Pick: Philadelphia

Jacksonville at Tennessee

Aaron: Watching Titans coach Jeff Fisher look into the cameras and declare that the decision to start Vince Young was made by anyone other than ownership made for compelling TV. All that was missing were proclamations by Fisher that his captors were treating him well and America is the great satan. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Why even bother picking Jags games when I'm always wrong? I'm halfway to picking the Houston Oilers. Pick: Tennessee

Oakland at San Diego

Aaron: Let's see...on the one hand, the Raiders nearly beat San Diego in Week #1. On the other hand, the word "quit" was used one million times to describe Oakland's performance in their last two losses. Quite the prognostication conundrum, this one. Pick: San Diego

Joe: That plus the fact that the last time you picked a terrible team to beat San Diego based only on your ugly hatred it didn't turn out well for you. Also that. Pick: San Diego

Minnesota at Green Bay

Aaron: Aaaand, thanks to the NFL's rarely-if-ever bitched about broadcast policies, San Diego won't be getting this game on Sunday. Doesn't the league realize my only alternative is to spend time with my family? This is on your hands, commissioner. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Clearly the universe is against us Brett Favre nonbelievers. Look for him to throw six touchdowns and make the Lambeau grass turn purple with a wave of his crease-less hands. Pick: Minnesota

Carolina at Arizona

Aaron: There's something to be said for a team that's so damn willing to cling to the anchor that is Jake Delhomme. Enjoy the cold, briny deep, Panthers. Pick: Arizona

Joe: Part of me thinks this is one of those logic-defying games where we all remember the Cards can't be trusted. But I can't pick Carolina on the road. Pick: Arizona

Atlanta at New Orleans

Aaron: I love how the media painted last week's incredible Saints comeback as "Drew 'Jeter' Brees willed his team to victory". Sooner or later, the Saints are going to be on the wrong end of a shootout. Just not this week. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: I was wondering how long it would take people to start hating Brees for being too good. "Jeter" indeed. Pick: New Orleans

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