Saturday, October 03, 2009

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2009 NFL Picks: Week 4

Last Week's Results:
Joe: 12-4
Aaron: 12-4

Season to Date:
Joe: 34-14
Aaron: 30-18


Detroit at Chicago

Aaron: Within the confines of our 24/7 news cycle ("Where EVERY story has an angle!"), last week's Lions win represented the heart of a fallen city. They'll still be picking up pieces of the Lions' collective aortas long after this one's over. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Dear Matt Forte: [shaking with unspeakable rage] Love, Joe. Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at Cleveland

Aaron: At this point, I'm not sure I'd take the Cleveland Browns over FOX's "The Cleveland Show". Eh? Eh? Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Once again, the intra-state rivalry that Ohio department of tourism takes great pains to avoid mentioning at all costs! Pick: Cincinnati

Tennessee at Jacksonville

Aaron: I love that Jags coach Jack Del Rio has pulled the plug on QB David Garrard's weekly radio show, thus depriving the medium's primary listeners (old white people) from interacting with a real live Black guy. You're part of the problem, Jack. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Oh, Cam, Jack Del Rio's not the Janguars' coach anymore. Remember, the team totally quit on him about four games into last season and he definitely got ... oh. Huh. Pick: Tennessee

N.Y. Giants at Kansas City

Aaron: Tampa Bay ... Kansas City ... Oakland. Quite the early season baptism by fire for the Giants, no? Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Don't forget the Redskins! Pick: NY Giants

Baltimore at New England

Aaron: Remember that Monday night game a couple of years ago when the Ravens nearly took down the undefeated Pats? This could be the most satisfying sequel since Rush Hour 2. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: There is nothing about this Ravens team that I don't like. Except for Willis McGahee's mooching illegitimate kids. Pick: Baltimore

Oakland at Houston

Aaron: Raiders fans might not sell out their home games and are blindly loyal to Al Davis, but they warmed my heart with the vicious, beer-fueled booing of JaMarcus Russell last week. I was with you in spirit, guys. Pick: Houston

Joe: Dear Steve Slaton: [Shaking ever so slightly less in unspeakable rage only because money you're not in my money league] Love, Joe. Pick: Houston

Tampa Bay at Washington

Aaron: How's that "we gots to get our own Mike Tomlin" strategy working out for ya, Tampa? Pick: Washington

Joe: By the time this season's over, losing to the Lions isn't going to look quite so much like the eternal embarrassment to the Redskins that it does now. Losing to the Bucs, however? Pick: Washington

Seattle at Indianapolis

Aaron: Five years ago, Peyton Manning was perceived as a gutless choker who couldn't win the big game. Today he's simply willing the Colts to victories all by himself. 2014 will be here soon enough, Tony Romo. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Wait, so you're saying the snap judgments of young quarterbacks aren't always accurate? What else to believe in? Pick: Indianapolis

N.Y. Jets at New Orleans

Aaron: I think this is the game that everyone thought the Jets were going to have last weekend. Everyone, but me, that is. Check the archives, I'll wait. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: The Bills' defense managed to keep New Orleans entirely in check for three quarters. The Jets' defense is a million billion times better. Pick: NY Jets

Buffalo at Miami

Aaron: Miami just lost QB Chad Pennington for the season. Terrell Owens is 'bout to lose his g*ddam mind. Sometimes, you gotta go with your heart and not your head. Pick: Miami

Joe: Weirdly enough, I'm going with my heart. Pick: Buffalo

St. Louis at San Francisco

Aaron: The 49ers have officially become the team I can't make any sense of from week to week. The Panthers have been that team for what seems like the previous 300 seasons. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Luckily, I can make total sense of the Rams. Pick: San Francisco

Dallas at Denver

Aaron: The Cowboys are not a great team, but they should be good enough to expose a fraudulent Broncos squad. Pick: Dallas

Joe: God damn it. Is it too much to ask for you to be totally snowed by the Denver=GREAT, Dallas=AWFUL party line? Pick: Dallas

San Diego at Pittsburgh

Aaron: Say what you will about the Chargers during the Norv Turner era, but they've consistently played up (and down) to the level of their competition over the years. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Pittsbugh's having a down season, for sure. Three-game-losing-streak down? Not sure about that. Pick: Pittsburgh

Green Bay at Minnesota

Aaron: Brett Favre's first game against his former team + ESPN's sure-to-be measured n' restrained coverage = the universe collapsing on itself. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Despite Green Bay's semi-struggles, Aaron Rodgers has actually been deceptively good. That being said, this would be a good week to have a GREAT game. Pick: Green Bay

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