Thursday, October 01, 2009

RW/RR Challenge: Episode 1 All-Star

So unlike last season, Sarah and I don't need to wait for next-day AIM sessions because we're in the same city and can watch it together and shoot raised eyebrows at each other while T.J. Lavin attempts to explain the rules. So rather than present you with an extended AIM chat, I'm going to try to bestow an All-Star distinction on one worthy challenger.

Episode One may not have had as many murderous fistfights as the premiere episodes of previous seasons, but it managed to set up conflicts that will bloom into glorious, drunken sex and violence throughout the season, which I think works out better.

So in an episode where Tonya actually won a challenge (R.I.P., Diem in the PM!) and where Wes resumed the proud Real World: Austin tradition of being hated by absolutely everybody, who gets the All-Star distinction?

Honorable mentions go to Chet, for debuting his purple-bow-tie, no-shirt look:
(I saw him on Columbus near Lincoln Center a few weeks ago, dressed in the full Chet uniform -- lavender scarf, hipster glasses, hot blonde on his arm -- and have begun to think this whole "Chet" persona is an elaborate scam to get girls.)

Shauvon for showing us heretofore untapped levels of cross-eyedness:

and Susie for going a long way towards winning me back by busting out this suspicious side-eye:

no less than three times, all directed at Wes.

Second Runner-Up goes to Tonya.

Not only did she win an individual challenge for the first time ever, but she also revealed that she's moved back to Walla Walla (apparently things went bad working at that Pizza Hut in Nebraska), exhibited laudable local pride in defending Walla Walla against Evelyn's cruel taunts, and got herself heroically drunk on the first few nights. Showing Robin-like levels of husky truck-stop voice, Tonya slurred and stumbled around the house, to everyone's amusement. Props to poor Chet for carting her ass around the house and giving her advice like not to get so defensive. Tonya's response, "I do get drunk a lot."

Runner-Up goes to Wes

for being the engine that drove the entire episode's conflict. His dedication to making everybody hate him is impressive. Damned if I can follow the logic in his brilliant plan to throw every mission, but hey, he made it to a second week on The Ruins so who's the idiot now. Imagine Wes in his day-to-day life, setting up situations where everybody's against him, only he comes out on top due to his unassailable strength and smarts. "That Starbucks barista totally tried to screw me over by giving me whole milk instead of 2%. But the joke's on him -- I didn't even drink that coffee!" Bonus points for, during the ramp-up to the almost-fight with Darrell, bounding through the house looking for a door to outside, opening up the door to a production room instead, and defiantly declaring "THAT'S not outside!" That's the kind of mental edge he's gonna need as he battles the Meathead Alliance.

But The Real World/Road Rules Challenge All-Star of the week is most definitely Kellyanne.

Of all the challengers this season, I was most looking forward to Kellyanne. In just a few short seasons, she's brought an impressive amount of crazy. And it's so varied! It's not just drunk crazy, but also trampy crazy, scary crazy, headband crazy, and persuasive-debate crazy. It's this last variety that grabbed her the All-Star crown this week. Poor Darrell didn't know what he was getting into when he started slagging Wes for having a slutty girlfriend. "She's f*cked every guy on this show!" he yelled. A solid point. But allow Kellyanne to rebut! It's only three guys! It sounded like she was copping to Wes, her current boyfriend, Cohutta, her old semi-boyfriend, and ... Adam? Maybe? Kellyanne then stepped up to the plate and pointed at her three conquests for emphasis: "Dated him! Dated him! That was an accident!" If we could have reached through the TV screen and placed a gold medal at that exact moment, we would have.

It's gonna be an amazing season, you guys. Fights! Popped implants! Katie threatening Veronica! Tonya hitting Veronica! Evan macking on Veronica! More fights! Bloody Derrick face! Can't wait.


Jenn said...

My favorite part of the episode was Derrick telling Tonya to stop drinking because she'd had too much. When Derrick - who once drunkenly followed a frog around, ribbiting - tells you you've had too much, you know you're in trouble.

It's been so long since Ibis has been around, I thought she was Robin when I first saw her. And Syrus looked good; he's lost a lot of weight.

Joe Reid said...

We TOTALLY thought Ibis was Robin. Repeatedly. So crestfallen to keep realizing it was Ibis.

DuchessKitty said...

When I first saw the list of famewhores for this season I was sort of underwhelmed. Then you guys got me kind of excited when you discussed the cast several weeks ago. But oh my gawd, this season opener was so much better than I could've hoped for. Some fave moments?
Kenny calling Wes out for wearing a "lady's tank top"; and absolutely the best was Kellyanne and her overdyed hair trying to defend(?) sleeping with several of the guys there. Classic.
This show is like a warm hug.

Carrie Ann said...

I'd like to give a big kiss to the MTV Graphics department for making the logo for "The Ruins" look like it actually says "The Runs." Intentional or not, it is perfection and it makes me laugh every time I see it.