Sunday, September 27, 2009

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2009 NFL Picks: Week 3

Last Week's Results:
Joe: 9-7
Aaron: 6-10

Season to Date:
Joe: 22-10
Aaron: 18-14


Week 3:


Jacksonville at Houston

Aaron: In the last two weeks, I've propped up the Jaguars and trashed the Texans '09 chances. That's why they play the games. I heard that on TV somewhere. ESPN, perhaps? Sounded prescient. Pick: Houston

Joe: The Texans' offense officially woke up last week. Somebody please tell Steve Slaton he's a part of the Texans' offense. Pick: Houston


Tennessee at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: Are we sold on the Jets defense, yet? All I read this week was how the Jets beat a declining Pats team as the buzz was more "blame the team that lost", not "credit the team that won". Pick: NY Jets

Joe: The defense is absolutely for real. The offense is gonna have its good days and bad days. Here comes a bad day. Pick: Tennessee


Green Bay at St. Louis

Aaron: Well, here's a home team that we can safely say is ALL figured out for 2009. No ambiguity with the Rams. No, sir. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: It's a comfort to know that, one week after royally fucking me over in my suicide pool by losing at home to the goddamn Bengals, they actually WILL beat a team they should beat. Yep. A real comfort. Pick: Green Bay


Washington at Detroit

Aaron: Nice piece in this week's Sports Illustrated on how baseball's Detroit Tigers have lifted the city with their success. The Lions, it would appear, are like unliftable and sh*t. Pick: Washington

Joe: They're gonna win one. And soon. And Washington is very bad. And they have to win sometime. And their QB is actually not bad. And Washington can barely score AND has a crappy quarterback. ...Shit, here I go. Pick: Detroit


San Francisco at Minnesota

Aaron: Have you heard that this is the first home game of the season for Adrian Peterson the Minnesota Vikings Brett Favre? You will. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: The winner of this goes to 3-0 and earns frontrunner status in the race to become the season's weakest playoff team. Pick: San Francisco


Atlanta at New England

Aaron: Home wins over a mediocre Dolphins squad and a feisty, but not-so-good Panthers team have not yet convinced me that the Falcons can go into New England and beat the Pats in a game New England HAS to win (mostly to shut up the media). Pick: New England

Joe: Can we talk about how New England has managed to dig up yet ANOTHER scrappy, feisty, hustle-laden white wide receiver? I'm no socialist, but should we spread those guys throughout the league a bit better? Pick: New England


N.Y. Giants at Tampa Bay

Aaron: At this point, the Bucs should just go all-in: bring back the Creamsicle-colored, "sassy pirate" uniforms and embrace their return to 1970s-80s form. They don't suck, they're retro! And, they suck. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Sure, Steve Smith and Mario Manningham, you both had fantastic receiving performances on Sunday night. But you know Plaxico Burress is doing angry pull-ups at Rikers Island, plotting his revenge. Pick: NY Giants


Cleveland at Baltimore

Aaron: The Ravens beat a crumbling, poorly coached San Diego squad last week and some talking heads are already declaring Baltimore as the team to beat this season. I'd mock them, but (1) I picked the Chargers to win and (2) I picked Cleveland to win last week, too. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Having confidence in a Baltimore team is an odd thing indeed. But they finally put together something of an offense. Be afraid. Pick: Baltimore


Kansas City at Philadelphia

Aaron: I think you guys can take the rest of the NFL season off, Missouri. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: What, no words on the impending football return of Michael Vick? Not looking forward to that dominating any and all coverage of this game for a week? Pick: Philadelphia


Chicago at Seattle

Aaron: I've decided to accelerate my usual "I'm not going to believe in 'Quarterback X' until his team is 8-2" stance. Lucky for you, Jay Cutler. Pick: Chicago

Joe: I really, really don't think we can attribute last week's Bears win to Jay Cutler. But they are up against Seneca Wallace, who has held my disbelief for many seasons now. Pick: Chicago


New Orleans at Buffalo

Aaron: Is Joe ever going to pick his beloved hometown team to win a game in 2009? We've got the potential for some season-long drama here, people. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: If I ever do, it won't start this week. Pick: New Orleans


Pittsburgh at Cincinnati

Aaron: Reverse that fluke last-second loss in week #1 and the Bengals would be 2-0! Within the confines of that hypothetical universe, they'd be 2-1 after this week. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: The Bengals could barely score against a bad defense against Denver, then seemed to move at will on what I still think is a good Packers defense. Will this reverse psychology strategy keep working. It definitely will. Pick: Pittsburgh


Denver at Oakland

Aaron: Watching JaMarcus Russell regularly over/underthrow open receivers while playing a blatantly dumbed-down offensive system with none of the passion you'd expect from a guy who's actively stealing $30 million from our misunderstood octogenarian owner just hurts my heart. Pick: Denver

Joe: Oakland's woes notwithstanding, they have to be the absolute worst 2-0 team this season, and maybe ever. That being said, picking Oakland in any context two weeks in a row is pretty dumb. Pick: Denver


Miami at San Diego

Aaron: Five years ago, Chad Pennington led the Jets into San Diego and knocked the Chargers out of the playoffs. If he can win here with the Dolphins…ah, who am I kidding? Pick: San Diego

Joe: I actually like the Chargers better with no Tomlinson at all than with a gimpy Tomlinson. Pick: San Diego


Indianapolis at Arizona

Aaron: So, now we live in a world where the Arizona Cardinals are featured in prime time on Sunday Night Football? Did John McCain win the election? Did John McCain win the election?! Timely. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: I don't love the Colts on the road this season, but this feels more like an upset that would happen at 4PM while we're all watching something else than on Sunday night. Pick: Indianapolis


Carolina at Dallas

Aaron: Last week's NBC broadcast from the home opener of Dallas' new bajillion dollar stadium was as shameless as anything I've ever seen. Did anyone ever think the esteemed Al Michaels could out-hyperbole Yankees broadcaster Michael Kay when gushing over a new facility? Pick: Carolina

Joe: On another note, the glee with which other people in the sporting media take in Tony Romo's failures is kind of unseemly. What did that guy ever do besides foist Jessica Simpson on an unsuspecting ... oh. Right. Pick: Dallas
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2 comments:

jessica said...

So I'm to assume this series is business as usual and Joe is going to dominate until Thanksgiving when too much pumpkin pie and spiked cider will open the door for Cam's resurgence and eventual victory?

That Bootleg Guy said...

Like clockwork, Jessica!