Monday, August 31, 2009

Death Is Not An (Embarrassing) Option

[13:17] Joe: Okay, you can't tell anyone, but "Definitely Maybe" is not a terrible movie.
[13:18] Tara: I agree! I saw it.
[13:18] Joe: The thing that tipped me off was all the smoking. Clearly the filmmakers had to stick to their guns on that. So there's some integrity there.
[13:19] Tara: Sure. I see on Facebook I gave it three stars.
[13:19] Tara: "Not a fan of Abigail Breslin in it (sorry, universe), but the rest was pleasant and fine."
[13:19] Joe: Hee. Pretty much, yes. Abigail Breslin has entered the Osment Zone
[13:19] Tara: Yeah, I'm over her.
[13:20] Joe: Perhaps she'll Chlumsky her way back into our hearts in 15 years.
[13:20] Tara: I might just avoid her until then. She also bugged in "No Reservations."
[13:21] Joe: I didn't see that.
[13:21] Tara: It's also not terrible. And I say that as someone who haaaaaaaates Aaron Eckhart.
[13:22] Joe: Yeah, I find him so overrated.
[13:22] Tara: Thank you. Also just...unlikable.
[13:22] Joe: Completely.
[13:22] Tara: Exception noted: "Erin Brockovich."
[13:22] Joe: Sure.
[13:23] Joe: How much would I never ever want to see this movie with him and Aniston?
[13:23] Tara: OMG. Death is not an option!
[13:23] Tara: This Aniston/Eckhart thing ("Love Happens")
[13:23] Tara: or
[13:23] Tara: "All About Steve"?
[13:23] Joe: OH MY GOD

Click below as Tara and I break it down...

[13:23] Joe: Shit.
[13:23] Tara: Haha!
[13:24] Joe: They both look so bad! I feel like that needs to be broken down.
[13:24] Tara: The point of the game is to search your soul, Joe.
[13:24] Joe: Because the leads in "Steve" are so much more appealing.
[13:24] Tara: If there is a barfier movie title this year than "Love Happens," I'll eat my hat.
[13:25] Joe: And yet "All About Steve"? That's a terrible pun that's about one billion years old.
[13:25] Tara: Agreed. But "Love Happens" is worse. It's just making the critics' jobs easier. "Love' Doesn't 'Happen,' But...Something Else Does."
[13:26] Joe: Ha! Okay, so "Worst Title" goes to "Love Happens."
[13:26] Joe: Better supporting cast?
[13:27] Tara: Hmm.
[13:27] Joe: "Steve" has: Beth Grant (yay!) Thomas Haden church (yay I suppose), Keith David (yay), DJ Qualls (ummmm) and Ken Jeong (way too omnipresent for a dubiously funny person)
[13:27] Tara: "Happens" has two "BSG" alumni...and that is not enough.
[13:27] Joe: Judy Greer! Martin Sheen!
[13:27] Tara: pffft.
[13:27] Tara: "Steve" also has M.C. Gainey and Jason Jones.
[13:28] Joe: Hot blond Joe Anderson! John Carroll Lynch!
[13:28] Tara: Pacey's sister.
[13:28] Tara: So many Vancouver-based Canadian character actors with two lines each.
[13:28] Joe: Also, the 2 BSG alums are Tory and Gaeta. Pass.
[13:28] Tara: Yes.
[13:29] Joe: Tough call. Beth Grant maybe pushes it to "Steve."
[13:29] Tara: I think you're right.
[13:29] Tara: Leads?
[13:29] Tara: I obviously like Cooper over Eckhart...
[13:29] Joe: Me too.
[13:30] Tara: ...but I might like Aniston more than Bullock!
[13:30] Joe: !
[13:30] Tara: I really loved "Friends," Joe.
[13:30] Joe: Yeah, I do forget how much I loved Aniston on "Friends"...
[13:30] Tara: "Transpondster!"
[13:30] Joe: But her public persona has really turned me against her.
[13:30] Tara: Yeaaaaaah...
[13:30] Joe: And Sandra Bullock is wonderful. HOWEVER, Bullock looks like deep fried hind quarters in this movie. And that would just depress me.
[13:31] Tara: Also I think a lot of Aniston's public baggage is not of her own creation.
[13:31] Tara: I agree it's annoying, but I hold it against "Us Weekly" more than I do against her.
[13:31] Joe: Aniston just seems so dedicated to perpetuating her own sad persona, to me.
[13:31] Tara: Bullock looks like she's giving an awful performance here, in addition to which she also just looks BAD. Too tan. Awful hair.
[13:32] Joe: Exactly. That might hurt my heart.
[13:32] Joe: I might have more fun hating on Sad Jen
[13:32] Joe: Which brings me to: better prospects for fun-making?
[13:32] Tara: Eckhart's wife dies, right? Before the events of the movie, I mean.
[13:33] Joe: Yes, he's a "widower" according to IMDb.
[13:33] Tara: So, joke potential there, i.e. that she killed herself rather than live on with Two-Face, etc.
[13:33] Joe: Plus, it's so much more inappropriate to laugh at a romantic DRAMA
[13:34] Tara: Also they're both miserable in Seattle -- LIKE EVERYONE IS IN SEATTLE.
[13:34] Tara: (I hate Seattle.)
[13:35] Joe: And, for bonus points, the director of "Steve" has worked on "My Boys" (which you like).
[13:35] Tara: I do.
[13:35] Tara: ...We're not actually talking ourselves into one or the other of these, are we?
[13:36] Joe: NO
[13:36] Tara: THANK GOD.
[13:36] Tara: Because there are Embarrassing Movies, and then there are these.
[13:36] Joe: This is merely an intellectual exercise. Preparing ourselves for if we get a gun pointed to us.
[13:36] Tara: Okay.
[13:36] Joe: By a fanatical film sadist.
[13:36] Tara: Don't get any ideas, Jeffrey Wells!
[13:37] Joe: But I think we have decided that should any disgruntled, recently laid-off critics do flip out on us...
[13:37] Joe: We would have to choose (the abhorrent-looking) "All About Steve."
[13:37] Tara: Yes.
[13:38] Joe: I hope you're proud of yourselves, Eckhart and Aniston.
[13:38] Tara: Judy Greer, you're lucky you have "Archer" to stand on.

1 comment:

jessica said...

Oh GOD. I respect your breakdown -- even agree on several points -- and yet, "All About Steve" looks atrocious and I smile gleefully every time Judy Greer is on screen. I won't go SEE "Love Happens" because ... barf. But gun-toting crazies would find me choosing it over "Steve".