Thursday, June 04, 2009

Challenge Chat, with Sarah and Joe

You know how we do. Miss Sarah Blackwood and I log on and work out our issues via the most boring season of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge ever. Go!

Sarah: Hi!
Joe: Hello!
Sarah: I had almost forgotten! I was out taking the dog on a long walk and was just about to, you know, finish editing my dissertation to file it. BUT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT
Joe: Did Brad's magical way with words convince you to sign on?
Sarah: Well, to the best of his ability, it did.
Joe: Poor Brad. No job.
Sarah: Lady calling him out on it.
Joe: On TV.
Sarah: Life stretches out a long road before him.
Joe: I couldn't decide whether I sympathized with Tori a little bit. Or if someone who met her betrothed on Gauntlet III should be able to talk.
Sarah: The latter. I mean, come on lady! What is she talking about "if this is the lifestyle you want..."

But I still want her to beat Aneesa! Why?
Sarah: To put Aneesa out of her Rachel-induced misery?
Joe: Well, that is true.
Sarah: I really do love how Tori just GOES there, with the stretchy pants arguing.
Joe: I love how Aneesa took such offense at Tori sayng "do Rachel's dirty work." But she took offense...on Rachel's behalf.
Sarah: Rachel doesn't care. She's too busy lounging around in her sunglasses and metallic bikini top at the lesbian waxing parlor. I kind of love how Lioness in Winter Rachel is. Like, she knows she's getting into Mark territory here. But she's going out with a slutty knee socks bang.
Joe: Rachel is such an enigma. She's not even a faded beauty, she's a faded righteous bitch. It's kind of amazing to watch.
Sarah: Kind of Marlon Brando-y, actually.
Joe: Plus, whatever, she can still lead Aneesa's emotions around.
Sarah: I'm really convincing myself to love Rachel in this chat.
Joe: Seriously, how OUT OF NOWHERE was last week's lesbian drama? And yet: how perfect.
Sarah: I love the parallel love triangles: Paula, Dunbar, Kim on the het side. Jenn, Rachel, Aneesa on the homo side.
Joe: No one is breaking any stereotypes on this show. Though I will say, Jenn really plummeted in my esteem after her episode-long "Aneesa is a bad person and also fat" rampage.
Sarah: She kept talking about how she doesn't even care she isn't going to waste her time on Aneesa and then not being able to stop talking shit about Aneesa.

Joe: Can we really quick go back to Landon for a second?
Sarah: Yes, please!
Joe: That childlike grin he couldn't take off his face as he was parading his shlong out in font of all the boys?
Sarah: It was magical! HE is magical.
Joe: Have you seen those blingee things on the internet?
Sarah: No, what?
Joe: Where they take a photo and sparkle it all out to Jesus with animation and silver sparkly shit. Hold on 1 this.
Joe: Anyway, Landon is like a human blingee.
Sarah: Absolutely. I love him more and more each day.
Joe: Sadly, he cannot spell. But who needs spelling with dimples and a giant weiner?
Sarah: Exacetly
Sarah: (heh. get it?)
Joe: Clever!
Sarah: It's like they were punishing us for floating that idea a few weeks back about having a few non-physical challenges.

Okay, worst misspelling of the bunch?
Sarah: FRATE
Joe: I was gonna say.
Joe: Brad's "Thron" was pretty bad. I would have forgiven "Thrown." Even though he should have asked for Teej to use it in a sentence.
Sarah: Professor Teej.
Joe: This was a banner week for ol' TJ Lavin. First, he told the girls who correctly spelled to a junior high level that they killed it.
Sarah: He made me proud to be a part of the educamating community
Joe: Second, the way he said "What are YOU so happy about?" to Tori was SO HOSTILE!
Sarah: I LOVED THAT! He so obviously hates her.
Joe: He's been listening to her "babe" about a thousand times all season. Of course he hates her.
Sarah: I like to see at least some of this material gets through the weed haze to him.

Sarah: Who else is even around? MJ? Evan? Diem. Oh, Diem.
Joe: UGH. I hate her so much.
Sarah: No! She's kind of growing on me? I mean, I'm not proud.
Joe: was it the hair-spinning?
Sarah: But a) I loved her "sexy" hair spinning...
Sarah: ha! yes
Joe: jinx
Sarah: and b) I loved her nasty grey nylon bodystocking she wore in the fashion show.
Joe: No wonder CT has been driven to fits of homicidal mania by her.
Sarah: Also: her "feral" stares during her Duel with Jenn? Hilarious.

Joe: See, this is why this season sucks. Diem has won a duel. Kim won TWO duels. What kind of crap-ass competitions are these?
Sarah: No! This is great! It's sorority girl rage! Being like they are? Takes a damn toll!
Joe: How are the husky-voiced monsters like Ruthie, Katie and Robin losing all these? I call shenanigans.
Sarah: The blondies are rising up! Like the machines do!
Joe: We need a John Connor! Save us, Bri!
Sarah: THAT is who we need.
Joe: Save us, Baya!
Sarah: Oh, god. BAYA.
Joe: She would get tossed around like a rag doll.
Sarah: But we would never see it b/c she'd be so boring doing it she'd get edited out.
Joe: OMG. We need Katelynn.
Sarah: YES. Katelynn and her khaki pants.
Joe: That chick would be like Mormon Julie times a million.
Sarah: Did it break or warm your heart how much love Katelynn had for the khaki pants?
Joe: I feel like the khaki pants were part of her transition
Sarah: And for white sneakers worn places that are NOT the gym.
Joe: Hey, I wear white sneakers everywhere. Katelynn and I can rock a Challenge together.
Sarah: Yes, you could both be dressed like a South Dakota soccer mom!
Joe: Yes!

Joe: Okay. I have an activity for us
Sarah: Yes?
Joe: We need to fantasy cast the next Challenge
Joe: Let's say we're looking at Battle of the Sexes III
Sarah: Okay. Let's stack it with the gays. I wish they would do an all gay or bi edition.
Joe: Last BOTSexes was 18 girls, 18 boys.
Joe: You cast the girls, I cast the boys. Answers by the end of the day.
Sarah: Okay! Yes! I'm in!

Sarah: I really wish they'd also do a septuagenerian edition so we could see what Montana's up to.
Joe: oh MAN! Montana!
Sarah: "You're a WHOOOOOOORRRE"
Joe: I ask, as always, who among us hasn't given a grade-schooler a sip of wine?
Sarah: Okay I'm psyched. I have one question for you re: Real World Cancun. Was the Brooklyn season's wholesomeness a total fluke? Or are they now going to do 1 wholesome season followed veneral season?
Sarah: And then 2) what's with thh oversaturated color palette?
Joe: 2) I think it's supposed to make us look away
Sarah: It's like its shot from inside the eyeballs of an extremely hungover and light-sensitive person
Joe: 1) I am SO disappointed for the very reasons you posit! What a regression!
Sarah: It's a total regression.
Joe: Okay, i'm looking up cast lists.
Sarah: Me too. let's regroup later.
Joe: Use your best judgment. You know which old lions will be no fun.
Sarah: Totes. KEVIN POWELL.
Joe: Indeed
Sarah: Can you imagine? He would be weeping the entire time.
Sarah: We'd be like, so? Patti Blagojavich isn't above it!
Joe: Yeah!
Sarah: Sweet. Let's get to work!
Joe: Break!
Sarah: We are really doing the Lord's work.
Joe: If the Lord is Jonathan Murray, then yes

Coming up next...The Lord's Work Is Done.

1 comment:

Judi said...

Lol to "husky-voiced monsters" ;)