Wednesday, May 06, 2009

'Round Springfield XXXII: All-Idol Edition

One good thing about the unprecedented night of horror brought on by Danny Gokey's angel-murdering performance of "Dream On" last night has been the sense of a community coming together in order to process what we all just saw and help each other pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. Some of my favorite excerpts as we all tried to put words to what words couldn't describe:

"Really, the only thing missing were blaring sirens, flashing red lights, and a cameo appearance by David Caruso, removing his shades at the end of Danny's solo performance and intoning, 'Somebody'd better request 'American Pie' on the jukebox, because today, the music died.'" --

"I mean… my God. The only person who loved that inhuman noise has got to be Paula Abdul, because when she performs her new computer program… er, song… tomorrow night, her voice will sound better by comparison." -- Roommate Mark at The Critical Condition

"Please, God, tell me Gokey wore diapers. Please. Because there is no way he sang that song without actually crapping in his own pants. The only time human should make that noise is when they are passing a stool — this is the way God intended us to function." -- Best Week Ever

"Imagine if you will that Danny Gokey did a mean-spirited impression of Adam Lambert, and really put his back into it. You know that Danny doesn't get it, whatever 'it' is, he's not going to get it. And imagine that he turns this 'it' over on its back like a Labrador Retriever that needs dominating, and then, surprisingly slowly and tenderly... Sticks his tongue in its mouth. And then, with everybody watching in jaw-dropped horror, they begin to make rhythmic love. And this is taking place at a family reunion." -- My old tag-team partner Jacob on TWoP

ETA: "It was the single worst noise we've ever heard on a television and he was so proud of it. And everyone on the internet is mocking him, today, but guess what? He will win. He will win the show. It is that simple. He is not going home tonight, or ever, because Christians are fucking organized. Organized and deaf." -- Gawker, who are completely correct that Danny will win.

You can also read Idol reactions and attempts to heal at ModFab, Tapeworthy, Stinkylulu, Alan Sepinwall, and Vulture.

Oh, and speaking of Idol and the internet, I've had a tempestuous relationship with's Idolatry videos. We didn't get off on the right foot (one more plaintive ode to useless Mishavonna Henson and pitiful Kristen McNamara might've sent me running for good), the Kara hatred seemed over the top (though now ... maybe not so much), and you know I can't cotton to any support for Anoop. But the videos have been fun, insightful, and increasingly possessed of a slightly-insane sense of humor, particularly with regard to keeping Allison Iraheta around. Lately, I've really been loving and looking forward to them.

This week they've got four interview clips with Matt Giraud that you should really check out. He seems like a totally great, friendly, funny, self-aware guy, and generally kind of illustrates what I thought I saw in him back in auditions. He compares particularly well to recent interviews with Lil (whose honesty was refreshing but she was also kind of insanely full of herself) and Anoop (who seems smart but also confirmed every "college a-hole" suspicion I ever held of him.

Anyway, Idolatry. Watch 'em.


Danny said...

Ooh, I love Idolatry this season. I have noticed more intermittent "odes" to Jesse Langseth, which I don't mind because she probably could have made more out of the Top 13 than Jasmine did.

And that Matt interview was great, especially his quote about Scott, when he beat him out for a song pick. What was it? "I felt bad, because he can't see, but... I won!"

T-Square said...

As a gay Milwaukeean who doesn't watch Idol (I adopted Kelly Clarkson as my personal savior, I think that's more than enough), may I just say... sorry. Also: we have better singers here! Though, I am led to believe that they are all gay.

Joe Reid said...

Ah yes, the Jesse Langseth support was much appreciated.