Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"No Boundaries": This Is Not Kara's Now

I'd love to talk about "Idol" in full tonight, but beyond the fact that a) I'm rooting for Kris, b) they both sounded pretty tired tonight and c) it's effing late on a weeknight, I'm only going to talk about the Kara DioGuardi co-penned coronation song, "No Boundaries." According to my scorecard, we got a "mountains" a "believe" and several "dreams." But where was "wings," Kara?? I could have had "Bingo"!

Is it the worst coronation song in Idol history? No. That honor still goes to Taylor Hicks's abominable "Do I Make You Proud?" But "Boundaries" was definitely bland, cliched, and ill-suited to the guys who had to actually sing it, enough to put it clearly in the bottom tier.

And since I need you lovely people to hold up the bulk of this conversation, I'm putting to you: Which Idol coronation song was the worst? The best (aka the least worst)? Where does Kara's ditty rank?

For the record, my list would look like:

1) "A Moment Like This" Kelly Clarkson (Fond memories of Kelly breaking down probably inflate its appeal some, but it's still the only one that managed to earworm me as a radio single.)

2) "I Believe" Fantasia Barrino (Probably the coronation song most elevated by the winner's vocal performance. Miss 'Tasia really broke it off on a song you really shouldn't be able to break anything off with.)

3) "The Time of My Life" David Cook (Perfectly adequate and acceptable. Which, yes, puts you in the top 3 of this sorry bunch.)

4) "I Want to Be Inside Your Heaven" Carrie Underwood (Hear me out! Yes, the lyrics are beyond ridiculous, and kind of creepy in an ecclesiastical way. But it manages to be SO bad that it's almost campy and as a pop melody it's really not bad.)

5) "This Is My Now" Jordin Sparks (Ah yes, the contest-winning viewer-penned song that killed Blake Lewis dead on the stage. Jordin's rendition managed to make the insipid lyrics tolerable for a minute or two.)

6) "No Boundaries" Adam Lambert/Kris Allen (Still waiting for "wings" damn it!)

7) "Flying Without Wings" Ruben Studdard (See! This crappy-ass song had "wings"! Right in the title!)

8) "Do I Make You Proud" Taylor Hicks (As with everything Taylor-related, this is the worst ever.)

You guys?


Anonymous said...

"All Up Inside Your Heaven" is still the worst. Hands down, despite your arguements. Though I hold the right to change my mind. Still haven't heard this years yet. I'll get back at you if things change.

Mark Blankenship said...

I'd call this a spot-on list, my friend.

Another point in "I Believe's" favor is that it was co-written by Tamyra Gray and her boyf, former Color Me Badd member Sam Watters.

To this day, I say that Kara Dioguardi has already written the perfect Idol coronation song. It's called "You Found Me," and it's on Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway album.

Tell me that's not the catchy hit we've been waiting for in a finale!

Anonymous said...

Change my mind. This years beats that crappy heaven song. It's fricken miserable beoynd belief.

Stephanie said...

Once I heard the line "You can go higher/You can go deeper", I was hoping for an unintentionally hilarious Inside Your Heaven redux. But no: No Boundaries is just dull.

I have to agree with Mark - that Kelly Clarkson song would have been so much better!

Vance said...

Flying without Wings is probably the best song made into the worst Idol song by Ruben. It rocked when Westlife and the gay Mark Feehily sang it.

Yes, nothing has really been as good as Kelly and probably because of Kelly (though who'd have thought when it first came out). Time of Your Life would be the next closest.

jessica said...

A pretty decent list. I keep wanting to push "Inside Your Heaven" way down on the rankings, but I can't make an argument for anything else to move up, so ... push.

Anonymous said...

I linked to your post FYI. Great work!

Tom said...

"No Boundaries" was essentially the exact same song as "Do I Make You Proud". Seriously, listen to the two of them consecutively. They are similar enough that you can tie them for the bottom. On the other hand, Weird Al's "Do I Creep You Out" is A+ awesome.

I'd have to swap 2 and 3 because of the stupid "I dreamed a hundred-thousand dreams" line in "I Believe" which is just a lazy line that sounded stuttery with the misplaced hard-D in hundred that killed the chorus's flow. That line alone makes me actually put it behind Inside Your Heaven.

And yes, watching Blake Lewis try to do "This Is My Now" remains the most awkward finale moment. The producers should have just let him stay home.

Judi said...

Dude. I can't begin to discuss "No Boundaries." It would be less upsetting were it not for Miley's already performing "The Climb" on the show already! And I like "The Climb," but have no way of knowing if that is my inner junior high girl speaking or not.

"Moment Like This" is my favorite, but then comes "Inside Your Heaven." The song is bizarre and doesn't make much sense, but I am completely in love with Carrie's voice, and when that song was released, I got total chills and was excited to know I'd be hearing more songs from her. I'd come from knee jerk reactions to her robot-ness and Simon pushing her down my throat to true love. Also that was the first season I ever watched, so I had little comparison.

Then I'd pick "Time of My Life," the rest of it I either don't know or just don't remember. I have a feeling if I knew the Fantasia song that we'd have the same top four, different order :)