Sarah: Shall we?
Joe: We shall! Okay, the editors on this show are so incompetent.
Joe: Every time I think they're creating some dramatic tension, I realize that it's only going to be nullified by episode's end.
Sarah: Also, the producers are making me nuts by letting them vote all the decent television into the Duel.
Joe: I KNOW! This is why Wes and Jodi won the first Duel.
Sarah: Who wants to watch a show full of Kimberly and MJ, with no Brooke to cut to boring? And, Evan. OH GOD EVAN WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU? Like, this guy was vaguely amusing once upon a time.
Joe: He was. Clearly, he has not benefitted from Coral's absence.
Sarah: Oh, Coral. I mean, I would not wish her back into this shit since the last time she was around everyone was so mean about her being thirty. Rachel: you're next.
Joe: Not of she keeps herself joined at the tongue w/ Jenn. Also, suddenly I am a huge Jenn fan? And wish her happiness and love?
Sarah: This happened to me, too! But only once they slept together! I found it quite heart (crotch?) warming!
Joe: I know! It's so weird
Sarah: Like the initial Jenn/Rachel convo, I was all Blair Waldorf about Jenn's experimenting with lesbianism. But those moans were pretty convincing! Experiment away, I say!
Joe: I'll even forgive Jenn for stupidly bringing Katie into the Duel.
Sarah: That should absolutely NOT been allowed.
Joe: And where was Katie's Warrior's Journey montage?
Sarah: Only the boys get those.
Joe: That chick has been more of a stalwart than fucking MARK. I wanted a smoke-filled tribute to every time she flipped out for no reason! And the time she beat Julie in the Inferno (?).
Sarah: OH YES! That was batshit.
Joe: That was seriously her finest hour. Everything was nice and polite and Katie was resigned to defeat, and then Julie had to open her big fat Mormon mouth and then IT WAS ON.
Sarah: This time, though, she was a sort of sad Rocky memory of her former self
Sarah: They kept talking about her "fire" but, really? That was not the fiery Katie I know.
Joe: I don't understand why Jenn/Nehemiah/Katie/Ruthie weren't an alliance.
Sarah: This happens every year; everyone always gets dazzled by the fatnecks and forgets to form their own alliance. Last time it was THREE people owning the other 15.
Joe: One of whom was JOHANNA!
Joe: And why didn't Jenn take Diem into the Duel and OWN HER ASS?
Sarah: Is Diem still profiting from the whole cancer thing? Why don't people call her out?
Joe: I have no idea; but she's Evan's ally right now; and she could get beat. Ruthie would run her up one side of the hill and down the other
Sarah: Ruthie! I love how Ruthie is never smiling in any of the shots where she's supposed to be emoting according to whatever handout MTV's prepared for all of them.
Joe: Speaking of which, my adventure w/ the opening credits continues. Soon I will have a complete listing of who's into it and who is totally bored. Ruthie = not into it.
Sarah: All of the girls except Robin are bored.
Joe: And Diem.
Sarah: Robin and maybe Diem are into it.
Joe: Katie is maybe into it until you catch her looking off-camera.
Sarah: Meanwhile all the boys are all wagging tongues hamming it up.
Joe: Also funny? Dunbar glomming onto the Philly alliance like he's not the low man on the totem pole
Sarah: Dunbar is scarier to me than CT. And CT really made me honestly scared this year.
Joe: And why is there a Philly alliance to begin with?
Sarah: What? Don't you remember how awesome the Philly season was?
Joe: the glory of MELANIE! The drama of SHAVONDA!
Sarah: First Night Underpants Parade!
Joe: God, how can a season w/ 2 gay dudes be so bad?
Sarah: The only gift Philly gave us is Landon. Who, seriously. So weird.
Joe: And SO GAY!
Sarah: I KNOW! LIKE FOR SO MANY YEARS HAS BEEN SO GAY. And yet....
Joe: And yet.
Sarah: He's the most sublimated person currently on television
Joe: Have we seen MJ with the patented MJ Face Full of Chaw look yet?
Sarah: MJ is like biscuits and gravy personified. He's so doughy and drippy!
Sarah: "As you can see behind me, there are two giant luges." That line really cracked me up last night. Oh, Teej.
Joe: They had no pads on, Sarah. And they were flying blind down an asphalt hill. How was there not more blood??
Sarah: I don't know!
Joe: Oh! Can we travel back in time 2 weeks?
Joe: Okay, because the name of the ice challenge literally drove me crazy. "Freezing as Puck"??? REALLY??? There are no less than a dozen things wrong with that. Starting with the fact that "Freezing as Fuck" IS NOT A SAYING. And ungrammatical to boot!
Sarah: Minor point. This week's episode was named "Duel-ality." Referring to the word "Duality." Which MAKES NO SENSE in relation to anything that happened on the episode
Joe: Jesus. At least "Luging My Mind" has an internal consistency.Look, no one loves a pun more than I do. But it needs to work.
Sarah: Didn't you love how proud Brooke was of herself for doing a Challenge?
Joe: I did! Shit, I WAS proud of Brooke for doing a challenge.
Sarah: I mean, it's hard to be a person who starts shrieking and throwing things when the cereal box is empty. Imagine what it's like to be that person on a Challenge! She truly is: "Pretty brave, amazing, and strong." That line goes right into my RW/RR precious line treasure box next to Julie spitting "This is my ultimate dream fantasy!" one time.
Joe: And yet she made sure that hair looked FABULOUS. Others could take note. DIEM.
Sarah: God, Diem's hair. What. The. Hell.
Joe: Though you kinda just mocked a cancer survivor for her hair.
Sarah: The thing is (here I will be horrible), her hair was cute before she lost it all! Now it is back, why can't she make it cute again?
Joe: God, okay, also? You have a challenge where everybody is wearing giant stupid lampshades on their heads.
Sarah: Like the saddest party at 5AM ever.
Joe: But you couldn't find anything better for them do do than a PUZZLE?? That challenge got so damn boring.
Sarah: I loved how at the end of the puzzle solving, they didn't even bother to back it with a soundtrack
Joe: Why are you and I not in charge of this show? From soup to nuts?
Sarah: WE COULD MAKE IT SO GENIUS! But then we'd have to care. Like in a sustained way.
Joe: (We already care, Sarah, come on.)
Joe: Mission 1: Cast Tricia and Bri
Joe: Mission 2: Jello wrestling! Come on!
Joe: Mission 3: Kickball team-picking cannot be an integral part of anything.
Sarah: Oh, those fucking lists. WHO CARES??
Joe: Smell the drama!
Joe: So can we talk Nehemiah?
Sarah: I didn't think I could like someone LESS than Evan. But Nehemiah proved me wrong!
Joe: See, but here's how this show gets me. Because I have never liked him. And he was being all weird Zen guy. And yet!
Sarah: NO! Joe! No!
Joe: Because he was opposed to Evan? I was so rooting for him.
Sarah: Oh, sure. But I already knew what was going to happen. I had gotten all hepped up in this same way when it seemed like Davis might prevail and really shake up the game
Joe: And here again is the shitty editing, where they spend two weeks setting up Nehemiah in opposition to Evan ... only to end it this week. Awesome.
Sarah: Now, Davis as underdog I can get behind.
Joe: Davis! Won me over!
Sarah: I know! He was so weird and quiet this time! I kind of love him now.
Joe: He's come a long way from saying the n-word and almost literally getting killed.
Sarah: Oh, you and your long memory.
Joe: They're like my children.
Sarah: You remember all their precious moments and missteps.
Sarah: Tape their artwork on your fridge.
Joe: (artwork = sex tapes, yes)
Joe: that is one thing I think Bill Simmons was right on about.
Joe: these fools would make a killing in the sex tape industry
Sarah: The thing is: what are these people doing? They obviously never went to college, otherwise Nehemiah's self-satisfied truism posting and incense wouldn't have struck them as odd. So: why AREN'T they making sex tapes?
Joe: Umm, Evan went to CORNELL.
Sarah: OMG I HAD FORGOTTEN!
Joe: God, they must be so embarrassed. Already the retarded nephew of the Ivy league. Now Evan.
Sarah: And Andy from The Office.
Joe: Ew, yes. Not a good few years for Cornell. At least nobody's talking about the suicide rate anymore.
Sarah: Naw, now its just the a cappella group.
Joe: Okay, so closing thoughts. Last words on Katie.
Sarah: Aw, girl. She's obviously more mentally healthy these days. But....that's not really a plus for me.
Joe: I know. Still smoking, though!
Sarah: Keepin' it somewhat real!
Sarah: And still hangin' with Big E. Which I love.
Joe: But a challenge where Katie doesn't flip out is a wasted Challenge.
[Photo not from the current Challenge, but I
couldn't pass up CT's floppy grandma's-out-gardening hat.]
couldn't pass up CT's floppy grandma's-out-gardening hat.]
Joe: Also, going by the trend that our favorites keep leaving us, does this mean next week it's Jenn and Isaac?
Sarah: Yes. Clearly. They really need to make these Challenges less about physical strength and more about entertainment value.
Joe: They need a panel of learned elders -- you, me, Ed, Bunting -- who establish the Duel matchups.
Sarah: Yes! And we control who stays and who goes by who is entertaining us most and least!
Joe: Yes! Come back here, Ryan, Davis, Robin, and Brooke! Nick...you stay where you are.
Sarah: And they won't ever know what exactly we're looking for in a given week! Sometimes it will be a quality flip-out. Sometimes it will be earnest lesbian sex!
Joe: We could really make things happen.
Sarah: We have solved the Challenge's problems.
Joe: We would also make B-Rad do some things. Besides exposition
Sarah: Yes! Brad-- expound on this variety of subjects: smelly socks, the bailout plan, and Robin's boobs. Go.
Joe: Oh man! "Brad's Corner"!
Joe: He sends us to commercial with a deep thought.
Sarah: And you KNOW he would approach each topic with the same amount of seriousness as he does expositing what it was like to run up a hill with a lampshade on your head.
Sarah: Ahh, I love this imaginary TV show.
Joe: I love how next week Tori has an emotional moment while applying moisturizer.
Sarah: Oh, my Tivo cut off before seeing scenes from next week. That sounds just about "Tori," though.
Joe: So here's a Q. In that thing with the chain from last night, did the guys have to lift themselves up? Or are they lifting the other guy?
Sarah: They are lifting the other guy.
Joe: Ohh. Okay. I was gonna say, because if not, they need to get Easy in the duel YESTERDAY.
Sarah: It's very confusing. b/c you think when Nehemiah gets there first he won. but no, Evan won.
Joe: Easy will never ever get put into a duel with that challenge on the table.
Sarah: Until the end when he drops dead.
Joe: Fingers crossed!
Sarah: Here's hoping!