Thursday, April 16, 2009

Embarrassing Movie Wednesdays: IT'S MILEY!

So I didn't have time to write about last week's EMW selection, which turned out to be Adventureland. Which: SO not embarrassing, I realize, but as we sat there seriously contemplating paying good money to see Fast & Furious, Tara and I realized that we started EMW so we could see movies that we actually wanted to see (even if we had to hide our faces about it). So we saw Adventureland, and I totally loved it. Probably the best movie of the year so far, even if it's not the fall-out hilarious comedy some have been expecting. It reminded me of movies like Dazed and Confused and Almost Famous and other movies where I've been able to just immerse myself in the setting and characters. Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart were probably as good as I've ever seen them (for what that's worth), but in a larger sense, it was all about Lisa P.

So given how unashamedly awesome Adventureland was, I probably had it coming when this week's entry turned out to be ... The Hannah Montana Movie. Probably wouldn't have been my first choice, but I am nothing if not a team player, and plus, it amuses me to be on the Hannah side of the Hannah Montana v. Observe and Report box-office battle.

So pretty clearly, the best Hannah Montana could do for me was to be a guilty pleasure. And in honor of Miley's commitment to science, I'm going to break this down:

GUILTY: The songs, which were uniformly awful and even with the Studio Magic machine chugging away, Miley sounded like shiiiiiiit; the Margo Martindale/Barry Bostwick subplot went nowhere; the Razzie-worthy "acting" of Billy Ray Cyrus, not to mention his constant attempts to horn in on his daughter's action by performing his own material, like, your Achy Breaky moment is OVER, Billy Ray; Melora Hardin, much as I love her, could not be less convincing as a Tennessean if she were dating Jerry Seinfeld; the whole plot hinges on a creepy little girl who doesn't even turn out to be a harbinger of The Ring or a symptom of The Haunting in Connecticut.

PLEASURE: Miley's twinky-looking boyfriend striking a series of the gayest poses this side of Drag Race whilst he and Miley spend the course of the movie painting a rainbow-striped chicken coop (seriously!); pretty much everything Vanessa Williams does, but especially the dancing during the end credits; the Tyra Banks shoe fight which comes across as a cautionary tale about prokoving narcissistic drag queens (wow, two drag queen references in the Hannah Montana review ... yeah, that seems about right); watching Billy Ray constantly play the authentic Tennessean card from behind his wisps of flat-ironed hair.

Overall? It's still pretty bad. But more than good enough for making fun of on a Wednesday night.

Final grade:

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

"Adventureland" was such an awesome surprise. I went into it expecting "Superbad"-at-an-amusement-park, but it was sweet and touching. Totally got the "Dazed and Confused" same vibes, especially the kickass soundtrack.

jessica said...

My de facto stepdaughter thought The Hannah Montana Movie was one of the greatest things ever made. Honestly, I've sat through better Disney-channel fare, but I didn't hate it -- it wasn't terrible. And I do like that cheesy Climb song even if it doesn't quite say what they think it says and even if they totally let the audience believe little miss Miley actually wrote it herself.

I can't believe you didn't mention the unexplained hanging around of Rascal Flatts at grandma's house (according to Danny Gokey, everybody's a fan) and the cardboard cutout that is Taylor Swift at the hoedown on your "guilty" list.

deirdre said...

I had to review HM:TM. At the preview, there were onscreen lessons on how to do the hoedown, interspersed with Miley "in the studio" singing said hoedown, and every time the singing portion re-started (which was every 3 minutes or so) a bunch of kids from a local dance troupe came out and did the dance on stage, with the audience participating.

AND I was sitting in a mini-row with two lovely gay men and their girlfriend, and they all knew the dance too! I felt very ignorant.

Pretty much agree with your assessment except the songs being "uniformly" awful; I thought "Miley's" songs were awful while the Hannah Montana songs are what awful sounds like on its worst day.