Monday, January 12, 2009

The Golden Globes Stat Sheet

Number of Awards won by Slumdog Millionaire, John Adams, 30 Rock, and Kate Winslet: 13
Number of Awards won by everyone else: 12

Number of nominees in the movie acting categories who no-showed: 6 (WTF, Sean Penn, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Javier Bardem, Rebecca Hall, James Franco, and Frances McDormand?)

Percentage of presenters and winners who were drunk off their ass onstage: 91%

Percentage of attendees who needed to pull the sticks out of their asses after that Madonna joke: 100%

Number of times I could watch Laura Linney accept an award, Emma Thompson present an award, and Jennifer Lopez tell a crowd of mega celebrities that "Mama's talking": infinity

Number of worst-dressed lists Drew Barrymore and Renee Zellweger will end up on in the next couple days (over/under): 11

Number of times Angelina Jolie was caught on camera smiling, laughing, or otherwise being a perfectly nice and happy human being: +/- 4

Number of times Angelina Jolie stared impassively as Kate Winslet nearly forgot to name her among her nominees for Best Actress: 1

Number of times people will talk about the latter while ignoring the former: six hundred thousand

Number of dollars NBC will be fined for allowing Darren Aronofsky's middle-finger to be shown on America's virgin airwaves: lots and lots of dollars

Number of people who still think Tracy Morgan is in any way "acting" when he plays Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock: 0

Number of obnoxous internet posters who Tina Fey told to suck it in her speech: 3

Number of obnoxious internet posters who Tina Fey still has yet told that they can suck it: 53,772

Number of times Best Actor winner Colin Farrell referred to his former cocaine habit on the air: 1

Number of times presenters The Jonas Brothers referred to their obviously ongoing cocaine habit: 0

Number of times Emma Thompson was the most delightful part of other actress's award-winning celebrations: 3

Number of people who had worse seats than Best Actress winner Sally Hawkins: +/- 6

Number of movies Danny Boyle has made that were better than Slumdog Millionaire: At least 2


Anonymous said...

Ricky Gervais was the funniest part of the mostly entertaining show.

Vance said...

Okay, I laughed out LOUD at the Madonna joke. Is Madonna everyone's friend at the GG's?

Stephanie said...

How cool is Emma Thompson? She didn't even make a fuss when Dustin Hoffman bungled that really easy joke she set up for him.

I waiting for the day when she becomes the elder stateswoman of British cinema, bestowing her good wit & charm on lucky little starlets. And telling them off when they get too skinny.

Mike said...

Number of movies Danny Boyle has made that were better than Slumdog Millionaire: Danny Boyle has never made a good film.

Michael Parsons said...

I am a HUGE Madonna fan, and I loved the joke. I took it as a pro Madonna joke. Team Ciccone all the way

Julia said...

Totally agree on the no shows. Frances McDormand I get, because she never goes to awards shows and when she does she looks like she's just gotten out of bed. However, she can do that- she's Frances McDormand.

But Rebecca Hall? Seriously? You had some other commitment you couldn't get out of? And Javier. Come on baby. I know you and Penelope hate to be seen together in public but that can be easily fixed if you would just dump her gorgeous ass and give me a call.

Joe Reid said...

I guess Rebecca was doing a play (which is also why Dianne Weist wasn't there). But yeah. Kind of funny how the whole Vicky Christina contingent bailed on Penelope, including Woody Allen.

Jenn said...

Vulture says James Franco was planning to come but missed his flight.

JA said...

Woody Allen never ever goes to these things. That's why his post-9/11 Oscar appearance was a (media manufactured) big deal.

Joe Reid said...

I actually do know that. I was just saying, it was weird to see her all alone.

adam k. said...

OMFG BSG was nuts. That was some crazy shit.