Thursday, December 11, 2008

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2008 NFL Picks: Week 15

Last Week:
Aaron: 12-4 (0-1 vs. the spread)
Joe: 13-3 (1-0 vs. the spread)

Season to Date:
Joe: 137-70-1 (7-7 vs. the spread)
Aaron: 132-75-1 (6-8 vs. the spread)


New Orleans at Chicago
Aaron: Tonight’s forecast in Chicago is 19 degrees with flurries. Do I make the predictable, unfunny Californian joke about how the only “flurries” I’ve seen are blended with delicious soft serve and Heath Bar? Or are those “Blizzards”? Meh, either way, it seems awfully cold to eat ice cream. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Weirder NFL development at running back: That, in Denver's Payton Hillis, we have the first notable white running back since The Nick Goings Improbably Fantasy MVP Season of '05, or the emergence of an RB named "Pierre" Thomas, in New Orleans. Yes, yes, New Orleans has their proud creole tradition and all. But still, can't he just switch names with Tony Parker to make the world make sense again? Pick: New Orleans

Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: Here's hoping the Bucs' run defense is as porous as it looked on Monday night vs. Carolina. Signed, All of us who own Michael Turner in our fantasy money leagues. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: You think the Falcons feel out of place as the least controversial NFC wildcard contender? Andre Rison, Eugene Robinson, and Michael Vick officially think the team has gone soft. Pick: Atlanta

Seattle at St. Louis
Aaron: Nice of the Seahawks' receivers to get all healthy and un-injured just in time for some third-rate opponents and a chance to torpedo a top six draft pick. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Not to mention Seneca Wallace making his case for the Billy Volek "Weeks 14-16 MVP" award. Pick: Seattle

Buffalo at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: My Raiders will remain the template for inept sports franchises as long as the wind whistles thru Al Davis' remains. That said, even he wouldn't OK the relocation of a home game to a neutral site with neutral conditions in front of a neutered crowd in December. Pick: NY Jets

Joe: Dear Roger Goddell: See? Canadians HATE FOOTBALL. Please don't give them our team. In other news: the playoff hopes are finished, but knocking Brett Favre and the Jets out of the playoffs would be goddamn sweet. Stupid J.P. Losman. Pick: NY Jets

San Francisco at Miami
Aaron: Soooooo, maybe it was just the 4-6 cold weather games Chad Pennington had to play every year in New York, New England and/or Buffalo that kept him from crossing over into the realm of perfectly serviceable QBs? Thanks, South Florida! You, too, province of Ontario! Pick: Miami

Joe: Never thought I'd be rooting for the Dolphins to win the division, but here we are. Come on, Davone Bess! Pick: Miami

San Diego at Kansas City
Aaron: The Chargers have played the Chiefs in December a few times in the past few seasons and never seem to look good. OK, not a convincing argument, but I needs to make up some ground to ol' Brooklyn Joe. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: Happy to oblige! Pick: San Diego

Green Bay at Jacksonville
Aaron: That 4th down run vs. Pittsburgh in last year's playoffs netted Jags QB David Garrard a huge contract extension. Sure, he and the Jags quit on their coach, but they showed up for about 50% of the season! Pick: Green Bay

Joe: I'd love to pick the Jags as I need Maurice Jones-Drew to show up big here, but that whole thing about quitting on this season ain't no joke. Pick: Green Bay

Washington at Cincinnati
Aaron: Goddammit, Clinton Portis...quit feuding with your head coach, rest your body until Sunday and shred the Bengals like every other running back has this year. Fantasy. Playoffs. Money. League. Does this mean nothing to you?! Pick: Washington

Joe: And speaking of teams who have mailed this season in. With insufficient postage. Pick: Washington

Tennessee at Houston
Aaron: Can't get enough of those soft-focused Kerry Collins "redemption" stories. A recovering alcoholic (who still drinks)...quit on his Panthers team after his heart was no longer in it...looked awful in every big game he's ever played in. And, all he had to say is "sorry about that". That's the liberal media elite for ya. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: For what seems like the tenth week in a row, I'd love to pick the Texans here, but I won't. Pick: Tennessee

Detroit at Indianapolis
Aaron: Y'know...I think they're going to do it. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: You know, Detroit's close to the Canadian border too. Anybody discussing giving THEIR crappy team to Toronto? Pick: Indianapolis

Minnesota at Arizona
Aaron: The Vikings looked lethargic against an overmatched Lions squad last week. That combined with an "NFC West Champions Hangover" effect for the Cards makes this...OK, OK, I'm just trying to convince myself. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Isn't there some coincidental and silly "rule" about dome teams from cold-weather cities traveling in a southwesterly direction and playing a team that's marginally better than them? I think there is. Pick: Arizona

New England at Oakland
Aaron: The death of Matt Cassel's father this week only means one thing: 500 passing yards for the Pats QB, all dedicated to the memory of his pops. (See how inspiring death can be, Al Davis?) Pick: New England

Joe: Aaron, they're not all Brett Favre, you know. Pick: New England

Denver at Carolina
Aaron: The mediocre Broncos are going to win the AFC West and the slightly better Panthers looked like world-beaters a week ago. I miss the certainty of Johnny Unitas. Now, there's a haircut you can set your watch to. Pick: Denver

Joe: You think the Panthers are only slightly better than the Broncos? Guess it's just that No Coast Bias coming into play. Pick: Carolina

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Aaron: Last time I mention my fantasy playoff game (hopefully, just for this week!): I've got Hines Ward AND Derrick Mason AND the Steelers' defense. The Ravens, meanwhile, are targeting Ward with the most publicized bounty since that whole Boba Fett/Han Solo thing back in '80. How can I lose?! Ugh. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: The Ravens at home after a emotional comeback win by the Steelers SEEMS like the right call. But "AFC North Campion Baltimore Ravens" certainly sounds odd. Let's see what happens when I put all my chips on Joe Flacco. Pick: Baltimore

N.Y. Giants at Dallas
Aaron: Come on, Tony Romo! (I can't say why, as I used up my quota of fantasy football self-references earlier in this post.) Pick: Dallas

Joe: It's pretty kind of TO, Jason Witten, and the entire road company of Wade Phillips's Bumbling Wild West Show to make the post-Plax Giants the LEAST distracted team on the field this week. It's closing in three weeks. Pick: NY Giants

Cleveland at Philadelphia
Aaron: Isn't it about time for Donovan McNabb to come back down to earth against an opponent he has no business losing to? Stupid Ken Dorsey. Why can't you be at least average? Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: The silver lining to another Eagles win is that we'll get another week of the very same sports pundits throwing dirt on Philly's grave three weeks ago telling the rest of us how stupid and disrespectful we were for thinking Donovan and Co. didn't have the rest of the league right where they wanted them all along. Awesome. Pick: Philadelphia

Sure-Thing Suicide Spread:
Aaron: Denver (+7.5) at Carolina

Joe: Buffalo (+7.5) at NY Jets

1 comment:

Jeff Hansen said...

"Dear Roger Goddell: See? Canadians HATE FOOTBALL."

No, TORONTO hates football. The rest of us are rabid.