Saturday, October 18, 2008

Smooth Joey Apollo's 2008 NFL Picks: Week 7

Last week:
Aaron: 6-8 (1-0 vs. the spread)
Joe: 10-4 (0-1 vs. the spread)

Season To Date
Aaron: 52-36 (3-3 vs. the spread)
Joe: 53-35 (3-3 vs. the spread)

(And he comes alllll the way back!)


San Diego at Buffalo
Aaron: Does any team run so hot and so cold from week-to-week like the Chargers? They've looked skittish in front of hostile road crowds and, knowing Joe as I do, Buffalo is the embodiment of hostile. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: Wow, that link takes me back. Brian Cox and his middle fingers of justice. Awesome. Anyway, I'm tempted to cover my ass and take the Chargers, because I think this game is a total toss-up. But in an odd development, I have some faith in the Bills this season. Not just unchecked hope, but FAITH. This is what the possibility of an Obama presidency will do to you. Pick: Buffalo

New Orleans at Carolina
Aaron: Nothing like the Raiders to make the Saints forget about that punch in the mouf from Minnesota two weeks ago. Welcome back to the NFL, New Orleans. Pick: Carolina

Joe: Yeah, I'd love to keep picking the Saints in any and all situations, but this has all the makings: a letdown game for the Saints, a revenge game for Carolina after getting waxed in Tampa, and a tough divisional game from a tough division; I'm always gonna give those ones to the home team. Pick: Carolina

Minnesota at Chicago
Aaron: The Bears were one of the many, many teams that let me down last week. I hope they're all thinking of this emaciated San Diegan with the broken heart and inspired to show up for four goddamn quarters this week. Please, guys? Pick: Chicago

Joe: While you're cursing and pleading with the Bears, Cam, you might remember they still won you that "under" bet that allowed you to keep lil' Jalen in designer toddler wear (for another week at least). Some gratitude? Pick: Chicago

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
Aaron: The Bengals gotta beat someone this season. The Bengals won't beat the Steelers this week. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: If they don't win soon, they might be the first NFL team in history to say "fuck it" in the locker room at about 12:50 and just leave the stadium before some game. As always, I'm rooting on the side of history. (As, uh, any Patriots fan can surely tell you.) Pick: Pittsburgh

Tennessee at Kansas City
Aaron: KC coach Herm Edwards courageously suspends declining running back Larry Johnson for this sure loss against the NFL's last undefeated team. Those principles sure will perk up Edwards' resume during his interviews with Arena League teams next spring. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: No, no, Kansas City. By all means, start all your backups and CFL rejects this week and completely roll over for the Tennessee Paper Tigers. The rest of us totally appreciate it. Pick: Tennessee

Baltimore at Miami
Aaron: The Dolphins' over-hyped sandlot offense hasn't faced a defense like the Ravens yet. For one week, anyway, the Wildcat gets hunted down and humanely destroyed – caught by one of those old-timey exaggerated bear traps favored by Elmer Fudd. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Speaking of "over-hyped," your 2008 Baltimore Ravens' 2-0 start this season. This remains not that good a team. Pick: Miami

San Francisco at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: The Giants dropped one of this season's singular stinkbomb offerings this past Monday night. They sure seemed to roll up the carpet pretty early against a Browns team that the league has been pushing around since last December. They'll beat the Niners, but let's not plan that parade route yet. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: And thus the Giants join their division-mates the Cowboys and Redskins as teams who were indestructible juggernauts up until they actually lost a game, at which point they suddenly became deeply flawed pretenders. Take a good look, Titans. Pick: NY Giants

Dallas at St. Louis
Aaron: This'll be the biggest game of the season for the Rams, while the Cowboys are just hoping to play well enough with either an injured Tony Romo or an already-embalmed Brad Johnson. I'd pick the upset, if I hadn't pissed away so many games last week… Pick: Dallas

Joe: Didn't St. Louis already have their sneak-up-on-a-good-team-while-they're-taking-a-piss game last week? At worst, Dallas wins this by ten. Pick: Dallas

Detroit at Houston
Aaron: The Texans' last three games: OT loss to the Jags, gagged away last-second loss to Indy and a win vs. the Dolphins. None of this matters versus the miserable Lions, but it's one of those "stat things" that all prognosticators have to do. Pick: Houston

Joe: Speaking of projected blowouts, here's where Houston really starts to build up some self-esteem. We should send the Lions to high schools and burn wards and Republican headquarters other places where people really need to start feeling better about themselves. Pick: Houston

Indianapolis at Green Bay
Aaron: I'm going to keep jumping off the Colts bandwagon as long as they're playing respectable (or better) teams on the road. I will climb back on if I am wrong about their demise, which is almost certainly likely. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: I'd love to take the Colts, if only because we're looking awfully same-y this week, Cam and I, but on the road against a Packers team that is getting its groove back, and with Dominic Rhodes in the backfield...not looking too great. Pick: Green Bay

N.Y. Jets at Oakland
Aaron: Boy, that whole "let's open up the offense for JaMarcus Russell" game plan worked like a charm in New Orleans last week. Not to scare Raiders fans – and I know it's still early – but, there's a LOT of JaJeff George in ol' JaMarcus. Pick: NY Jets

Joe: So am I underrating the Jets but continually picking them to lose to terrible teams or am I just a week or two too early on the wheels falling off this team? Either way, I think this has "13-10 stinker" written all over it. Just the way the Raiders likes it. Pick: Oakland

Cleveland at Washington
Aaron: Hey, where'd all that "NFC East = NFC Beasts" talk go? There aren't many teams I'm less sold on than the Redskins, but yes, Cleveland made the list. Pick: Washington

Joe: A Cleveland win suddenly puts them in the playoff hunt again in this formless mass that we call the AFC. I'd almost pick the upset if they were at home. Pick: Washington

Seattle at Tampa Bay
Aaron: Due to certain…financial commitments…I'm forced to root for the Red Sox in the ALCS. (J.D. Drew? True Dat!) So, in return, I'll be pulling for the Bucs like crazy, yo. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: I don't know how you live with yourself. Pick: Tampa Bay

Denver at New England
Aaron: It's only been, what…five games or so? Still, I think it's safe to say that just anyone can't be a winning quarterback in the Patriots system. Pick: New England

Joe: And just no one can cover Brandon Marshall. 3-1 odds Randy Moss hops on the Broncos team bus after this one and defects like it's 1985 and he's a figure skater from Vladivostok. Pick: Denver

The Sure-Thing Suicide Spread:

Aaron: Seattle (+10.5) at Tampa Bay

Joe: Indianapolis at Green Bay (+1.5)

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