Sunday, October 05, 2008

Smooth Joe Apollo's 2008 NFL Picks: Week 5

Last Week:
Aaron: 7-6 (1-0 vs. the spread)
Joe: 6-7 (0-1 vs. the spread)

Season To Date
Aaron: 38-22 (1-3 vs. the spread)
Joe: 36-24 (2-2 vs. the spread)


Tennessee at Baltimore

Aaron: The Titans are 4-0 and it's getting harder and harder to dismiss their hot start. Then again, after last week's results, nothing makes sense in this league. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: I'm not going to all of a sudden be as gay for the Titans as Bill Simmons has become, but I've kind of turned the corner on them not sucking. Whatever. Pick: Tennessee

Kansas City at Carolina

Aaron: Put it this way, in the realm of inexplicable comebacks by Black entertainers, I've got Larry Johnson's week #4 resurrection lasting about as long as Pam Grier's after Jackie Brown. Pick: Carolina

Joe: How dare you, sir. That woman was brilliant in The Adventures of Pluto Nash! Pick: Carolina

San Diego at Miami

Aaron: The Chargers have begun their trek to 12-4 and a first round bye. Games like this one are a small price we have to pay to watch them lose at home to the Steelers sometime in mid-January. Patience, children, patience. Pick: San Diego

Joe: I don't think I'm quite so ready to pull the trigger on the Chargers just yet. I'll settle for Tomlinson staying healthy for the rest of the season. Pick: San Diego


Washington at Philadelphia

Aaron: It'd be a huge help if you'd let me know that Brian Westbrook is going to be inactive before I make my picks, Eagles. I should pick the Redskins just to spite Philly for last week. I'll do it. Don't think I will? There, it's done. Pick: Washington

Joe: Here's something weird: I'm taking the recent Redskins success as a personal affront. I have no idea why -- I don't particularly dislike their players or fans. They haven't been spoiled by overwhelming success lately. Nevertheless, seeing them hovering around the top of the NFC East is super annoying, and I kind of want that to stop right now. Pick: Philadelphia

Indianapolis at Houston

Aaron: The tattered rags known as the Colts' offensive line is going to get Peyton Manning murdered at some point this season. I should start DVRing their games, cuz you KNOW the liberal sports media won't ever show us an instant replay of that. Pick: Houston

Joe: Okay, so many people are picking Houston this week that it's making me incredibly nervous. Yes, the Colts have been underwhelming, and yes the Texans have a running game now, but this feels like a game the Colts put the clamps down for. Pick: Indianapolis

Seattle at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: The Giants take the week off, and Brett Favre throws for six touchdowns. This is insane. Has a defending world champion ever had their media spotlight dimmed in the following season? ESPN couldn't even get more than a morning's mileage out of Plaxico's suspension. And, here, they get another week off. Zing! Pick: NY Giants

Joe: All eyes on Bobby Engram and Deion Branch this week. Which I guess takes the attention away from the Giants even more. They'll have to make do with the best record in the NFC. Pick: NY Giants

Atlanta at Green Bay

Aaron: Road game for Atlanta? Yep, road game for Atlanta. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: In lieu of making a smartass comment, I'd like to make a sincere plea to my readers: anyone who has any information as to the whereabouts of Ryan Grant, please call your local authorities. Please. Any information can be of help. Pick: Green Bay

Chicago at Detroit

Aaron: Look, Lions fans…I get your hatred for Matt Millen. Believe me. But, all the mock funerals and tombstones seemed a little much. You've had the Pistons and Red Wings win titles recently, with the Tigers winning a pennant in there, too. Save the whiny football entitlement to everyone east of you. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Kyle Orton on the road. Chicago ready for a letdown after a big win. Jon Kitna filled with righteous Christian anger. Once again, I head into the breach with the Lions. Maybe I'm just a fan of the cerulean. Pick: Detroit

Tampa Bay at Denver

Aaron: Nice of these Broncos to turn into every Mike Shanahan team after John Elway retired: look like world-beaters for three weeks, look like ass for the next three, repeat. Last week was game number one of the "ass" stretch. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: They'll be winning ugly all season, and their best offensive player right now just might be Ike Hilliard. And yet...I like this Bucs team. Pick: Tampa Bay

Buffalo at Arizona

Aaron: Really, Arizona defense…six touchdown passes for Brett Favre last week? You guys are destroying this country by making him look good. Speaking of "destroyed", if anyone's seen Anquan Boldin's face, please spoon it up and return to the team. Postage paid. Pick: Arizona

Joe: You guys, seriously, that Anquan Boldin incident hurt my heart. It made me ill. I mean...he had that touchdown. The ball was in his hands. And then one thunderous shot to the back followed in quick succession by a helmet-to-helmet decapitation hit and he drops it, dooming my fantasy team to a tie rather than a win. I guess I just prefer guys to play with some heart. Oh, and I'm not just reverse-psychologizing -- I think the Bills drop their first game here. Pick: Arizona

New England at San Francisco

Aaron: Only because the Pats had last week off and should be, like, rested and sh*t… Pick: New England

Joe: I am SO tempted to pick the Niners here, but I think their defense is juuuust crappy enough to get beat. But they're gonna keep it close. Ish. Pick: New England

Cincinnati at Dallas

Aaron: Ocho Cinco has promised he'll kiss the Cowboys' on-field star logo when he scores a touchdown. I hope he does it with the Bengals down 38-7, then says to the press afterwards, "Hey, I ain't said nothing about winning the game." Pick: Dallas

Joe: I like the idea of Dallas having too much offense, and that's why they lost to Washington. Because of choice paralysis, I guess. It's a flimsy excuse, is what I'm saying. Pick: Dallas

Pittsburgh at Jacksonville

Aaron: The Jags could legitimately be 4-0 or 0-4 right now. I don't believe they've had a game decided by more than seven points all season. What's this mean against the Steelers? No flippin' clue. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: The Steelers are looking is rough shape right now, but they're still 3-1. If they can weather these injuries without falling into too deep a hole, they still have the inside track to the playoffs. And yet... Pick: Jacksonville

Minnesota at New Orleans

Aaron: Did I really take goddamn Gus Frerotte on the road last week? Joe, too? Won't be making that mistake again. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Me neither. In other news, I got the bright idea to pick up Lance Moore and promptly sat him on my bench last week as he caught two TDs and I (like I said before) managed to tie and not win despite having the highest point total in the league. Let's hope he manages to keep scoring now that it counts. You know, for me. Pick: New Orleans


The Sure Thing Suicide Spread

Aaron: Washington (+6) at Philadelphia

Joe: Tennessee (-2.5) at Baltimore

2 comments:

qta said...

Joe,
Why the hate for Washington? WE don't mind. We like being underestimated... bring on the haters. It makes us play better. All week, after our tremendous win over Dallas, I was wondering if you were going to pick us this week... after predicting our losses for the past 3 weeks in a row... after we confounded your expectations 3 times in a row. Sigh... alas, no such luck. Look, the NFC East is the dominant division the year. Everyone is playing incredibly well... us included. And God knows, after our past 2 seasons, Coach Zorn and the players deserve a little respect for raising the Redskins' game level up so high.

Joe Reid said...

On the bright side (for, you know, people who are not me), the Skins smited me again. I've become something of a good luck charm, I guess. Fuckers.