Friday, July 11, 2008

This Won't End Well


Today's Entertainment Weekly cover reminded me just how much trouble I'm in for with this upcoming Twilight movie. It's not even opening until December and already it's looming like a giant overdramatic high-school obsession just waiting to swallow my life whole. This is kind of like how I felt during the ramp-up to the Rent movie, only this is worse. At least Rent (besides willing a Pulitzer and all) was intended for a wider audience than simply teenage girls. Yet it seems that 90% of the things that are marketed to teenage girls end up hooking me as well. (As you would know if you ever got caught in a half-hour long conversation about why Lauren's right and Audrina's wrong on The Hills.)

But seriously, this has got all the elements. I'm already pre-disposed to things like vampires, overwrought teenage love affairs, and Cedric Diggory. It took me all of six seconds to get caught up in Harry Potter. And the only sex there was in those books was subtextual!

There are aspects to this movie that could make for a respectable obsession. Catherine Hardwicke is directing, and she made the no-apologies-necessary Thirteen. And Anna Kendrick and Kristen Stewart are real, no bullshit actresses. And yet...anything with both the six-pack dude from Never Back Down and Peter Facinelli in it has to be a little guilt-inducing, right?

Is it too much to hope that the presence of the inexplicably-hated (by me, at least) Elizabeth Reaser will be enough to repel me? My guess is no. Maybe if I keep looking at that magazine cover and note how much Cedric Diggory looks like Tom Cruise as Lestat. Yes, maybe that could do the trick. I need to try something, because I'm not sure how much of a gaywad y'all are going to let me get away with being. I'd rather not push my luck.

19 comments:

JA said...

Gaywad.

CK said...

Okay...I bought the first book on a whim on Wednesday and I'm already on the third one. They're actually really fun, easy reads. Edward Cullen is the new imaginary boyfriend of the year. I'm already in overwrought teenage girl mode for the fourth book and the first movie. Squeee!

ck said...

RE: Elizabeth Reaser...see "Sweet Land", an indie film from a few years ago. You will come out loving her, I think.

Linda said...

Dude, we are so on the same page today:

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/07/twilight_movie_and_books_annou.html

adam k. said...

Is it... Evan Rachel Wood as a brunette?? And a VAMPIRE brunette at that? That's kind of awesome. I think I'm sold on this thing just for that.

Joe Reid said...

Not Evan Rachel Wood but Kristen Stewart. Which is a crazy mistake to make since they don't look like light-and-dark twins of each other or anything. At all.

Joe Reid said...

And Linda, that "watch yourself, sweetie" comment had me ROLLING. I am already so scared of those people.

adam k. said...

Well I hope that was sarcasm, Joe Reid. Cause, look at her.

And sue me for thinking another Catherine Hardwicke film'd have EVR in it ; ) Cause it's not like that kind of thing ever happens.

adam k. said...

OK sorry, but that really REALLY looks like Evan Rachel Wood. I kind of almost don't even believe you.

Are you sure EVR wasn't standing in for Kristin during this photo? Maybe Kristin got sick, and they figured (correctly) that no one would notice.

Linda said...

I know! I like how they got vaguely threatening, and I'm sitting there thinking..."Yes, you are kind of making my point."

Maria said...

I literally had never heard of "Twilight" until this week's EW arrived in yesterday's mail. I think I'm kind of happy to be out of the loop.

Joe, think about how much more will be going on in the pop culture universe by the time the ramp-up for the movie starts. You'll be fine.

Also, Kristen Stewart is growing up to be ridiculously beautiful.
Evan Rachel Wood is a brunette vampire in REAL LIFE these days (SHUDDER), so that's how I tell them apart.

Barry said...

Why do you hate Elizabeth Reaser???

Joe Reid said...

Not entirely sure. I suppose "her stupid face" isn't a legitimate reason. Really hated her character on Grey's Anatomy and the ads for her new CBS show make me throw things.

Brooke Cloudbuster said...

Am I the only person who finds this person completely unattractive? Not just on this cover, which is quite awful, but in general.

Joe Reid said...

Which one? Cedric Diggory is made up to look like a totally gross freak on the magazine cover, but he looked cute enough competing for the Triwizard Cup (..."Cup"? "Trophy"?).

jessica said...

Cup. And that's seriously Cedric Diggory? Wow.

Sarah D. Bunting said...

First they promote Jessica Shaw to TV-listings duty; then they put this foolishness on the cover, about which I could not care any less if I were dead and in the ground. It's like they want me to terminate my subscription.

(I like Scott Brown, and they gave Love Guru a D+, which is somehow meaner than just dissing it with an F. But still.)

Heather said...

Thank you for validating the fact that adults should feel like "gaywads" while immersing themselves in this wonderfully ridiculous obsession. I've had to put myself on a Twilight moratorium because I thought my head was going to explode. The wait for December (coupled with the anticipation of the 90210 re-make, which also stars the guy with the six pack from Never Back Down) is enough to cause me to stroke out while I'm surfing the Internet at work.

jessica said...

TV listings has not been the same since Dalton Ross handed it off to Alynda Wheat.