Thursday, June 12, 2008

Because I Can: The Five Best Mario Kart Courses

[Note: this is for Mario Kart Double Dash, not your fancy-schmancy Wii version. What am I, made of money?]

1. Baby Park
I don't think I've finished better than 3rd (150 speed) on this course in months. The sheer amount of shit clogging up the track makes for an incredible obstacle course, and it's basically an endurance contest of who can sustain the most damage and still win. "Baby" don't mean "pussy."

2. Yoshi Circuit

In terms of pure racing, it's the hardest course in the game. Also, there's that secret underpass that I always go for, foolishly, and end up in the drink. Because Yoshi is an asshole.

3. Donkey Kong Mountain
That cannon is a blast. A BLAST! Right?? Oh, shut up.

4. Peach Beach
Because that detour across the tiny island is Mario Kart the way it should be played. Recklessly and drawn to the pretty colors on the ramp.

5. Bowser's Castle

...Which is apparently so badass a course that it refuses to allow itself to be screencapped.

Oh, and the Worst Course in Mario Kart?

Fuck off and die, Dry Dry Desert.


J.D. said...

This might be my most-played game ever, despite all the Pokémon games I've had.

Baby Park!!!!! So, so

love Mushroom City, Wario Coliseum and Daisy Cruiser a lot too.

For me, Dry Dry Desert is ridiculously simple (but it's seriously grating) -- Rainbow Road is the real bitch of the game, though, even if that's entirely the point. I always get a MAJOR headache and fall off at least five times.

I feel so nostalgic now.

J.D. said...

Make that, "Baby Park!!!!! So, so cutely f'd-up."

LOL, I hate it when I click Publish before I finish a sentence.

notanillusion said...

DK Mountain is by far my favorite course in the game, but the baby track is super fun as well. I absolutely love the cruise ship, too, except when those goddamn tables hit me crossing the dining room. And I still suck at Rainbow Road, though it is quite fun.

But Dry, Dry Desert and it's dumbass twisters can genuinely suck my theoretical balls. That and the iceberg in the ice level.

JA said...

Joe, we're so playing this pre-BSG tomorrow. I will show you how it's done. Oh yes - IT'S ON!

jessica said...

"Yoshi is an asshole" is why I'm such a fan of yours, I swear to God.

Joe Reid said...

j.d.: Your jump-the-gun enthusiasm is understandable when discussing Baby Park.

JA: Enjoy your self-esteem while you have it. Friday night it all goes away.

And for the record, Rainbow Road can eat a dick too, but at least it's challenging in its annoyance.