Is there anything worse than sitting down with a bright red, pristine-looking apple, anticipating it in the manner one does, only to bite into it and find you've got a soft, mushy apple instead? God damn, that will just ruin your whole afternoon. You have a very specific expectation of what an apple should taste like: cold, crisp, some perfect mix of sweetness and tart, makes an audible crack when you bite into it. The degree to which an apple falls short of that is the degree to which that apple sucks, as far as I see it.
So my question to you, friends, is why am I still eating it? Why have I not chucked this into the trash, told the entire Macintosh variety of apples to go fuck themselves and picked up a Red Delicious that tastes like a proper apple should taste? Why am I finishing this disgusting sphere of mush? What have I become?