Vs. the Spread:
Seattle at Green Bay (-8)
Joe: Poor Matt Hasselbeck, still getting shit about that "...and we're gonna win!" crack however many years ago. It's like fate needed to balance things out after he managed to make going prematurely bald look good. Stupid fate. I'd like to say he has a chance at redemption here, but probably not. That spread looks tempting, though.
Green Bay 34, Seattle 21
Aaron: During a week's worth of ESPN's patented brand of hype, hype and more hype, I learned that Green Bay has lost two of their last three home playoff games. It's almost like the Worldwide Leader is in bed with the gamblers just daring me to take Seattle and this tempting bushel of points. Well, suck it Sean Salisbury. The Redskins all but gift-wrapped last week's Seahawks win. And, Brett Favre hates wrapping presents. His hands shake SO much.
Green Bay 27, Seattle 13
Jacksonville at New England (-13)
Joe R: I understand that this is the playoffs and you think the Pats have been playing teams close as of late and Jacksonville sure has looked good and...no. This gets ugly and quick.
New England 41, Jacksonville 7
Aaron: Yeah, what Joe said. But, don't let that stop everyone reading this from sending your prayers, good thoughts and truckloads of karma to the Jaguars today. Remember, every time the Pats win, an angel loses her wings. Then, she wastes her 20s/early 30s on the bar scene, before turning 35 and having to "settle" for a divorcee with three kids and a smack habit.
New England 35, Jacksonville 14
San Diego at Indianapolis (-9)
Joe: That's actually the perfect point spread because I am completely flummoxed here, particularly with Antonio Gates's injury status so up in the air. Indy's the better team, but the Chargers could play them tough, and...oh, fuck it.
Indianapolis 30, San Diego 20
Aaron: Even taking the Gates factor into consideration, the Colts have struggled this season with far inferior opponents than the Chargers. Throw in this week's weird Dungy distraction and Chargers RB Classy Tomlinson getting a chance to run indoors w/o the elements and WR Chris Chambers doing his best Gates impression. I got a bad feeling about this.
San Diego 24, Indianapolis 23
NY Giants at Dallas (-7 1/2)
Joe: Look, I don't like her either, and fun is fun, but it's not like Jessica Simpson's snatch is, in reality, filled with a strength- and talent-sapping serum designed to cut men down in their prime. That being said, Tony Romo (who I generally like) is an idiot for this whole Mexican getaway thing, if only because if Dallas does somehow falter, it's totally his fault now, and for bullshit "intangible" reasons. When we all know that the real reason they'll falter (if they do) is because you can't keep Wade Phillips from destroying a season forever. He'll find a way. ...Maybe not this week.
Dallas 27, NY Giants 24
Aaron: Joe is a Bills fan, people. So, direct from Wade Phillips own Wikipedia entry, I offer up a humble rebuttal: "The most successful coaching stop for Phillips was at Buffalo. He always kept the team competitive and in the playoff hunt." Wikipedia! Short memory syndrome, Mr. Reid? [EDIT: Hey, we were "competitive and in the playoff hunt" this year too and nobody's composing any sonnets to Dick Jauron."] Anyways, Joe's 100% right about Romo, but I think the very tangible possibility of T.O. playing at half-speed and Eli Manning playing out of his mind will make for an "UPSET SUNDAY" headline in most of Monday's papers.
NY Giants 20, Dallas 19