Thursday, March 22, 2007

No, I'm Not Proud Of It

But I will not lie, this:



made me absolutely giddy. New Challenge! CT being an ignorant moron and punching dudes! Abram doing same! Paula crying and being emotionally unstable! Aneesa telling a bitch to step off! Timmy collecting Social Security checks! Susie crying real not-just-for-TV tears! Janelle's face not moving! Johnny Bananas being oddly appealing and protective towards Davis! Davis's huge shiner! Tonya acting a ho! Tonya acting a ho with Davis! Derrick back to be oddly endearing some more! Kenny vs. CT! Shirts optional!

...and I'm overstimulated. I'm going to go lie down until this passes.

Oh, Kelly Wearstler

Truly you are the gift that keeps on giving. This first season of Top Design has been pretty boring, so thank God we can at least wait on pins and needles to see what baroque creations she's chosen to drape upon herself. Not to mention the hair. Check out what she looked like last night:


I had no idea Tori Amos had taken a role as the wicked queen in a Working Girl-esque reimagining of Sleeping Beauty!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

OMG with a side of WTF

Jehovah's Witnesses just made my doorbell work. My doorbell hasn't ever worked. Not ever. I thought something in my kitchen was breaking. That was the freakiest thing ever. Maybe they ARE the one true faith. We'd all better start apologizing for all those jokes.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Not Nearly As Cryptic NCAA Tournament Notes, Day 1

Live from sunny placid remarkably bearable considering the season (and if you ignore the wind) Buffalo, New York!

-- First things first, I readily admit we here in B'lo have the worst looking basketball court in the known world. Powder blue AND teal! Plus the floor is completely colored-in inside the three-point arc, which is not the way the Lord intended things to be. My sincere apologies to those who had to watch that on TV.

-- Getting to see the most exciting game and best finish of the first day of the tournament is awesome. Getting to see Duke take it on the chin in the first round is even more awesome.

-- Duke fans are dooooouchebags.* Being a Yankee fan, I have made a pledge not to throw around the term "bandwagoner" unless it's in reference to the Red Sox. But Duke fans are another exception. Way to cheer for the whitest team on the court at all times, Buffalo. Duke fans who are in high school, by the way, are the douchebaggiest of the all. I'll slap you to the floor, half-pint. And don't even get me started on the Cameron Crazies in the band section. Every one of them needs to be punched.

-- Not-so-confidential to the funktastic, tireless, surprisingly biceppy walking piece of sex who was conducting the VCU band tonight: call me! No, seriously, call me.

-- Next time, Old Dominion, you might consider showing up to play.

-- You too, Butler.

-- Back to Duke for a second: how nice must it be to get a home court officiating job from the refs wherever you go? It got almost comical. And they still lost! Even though I can guarantee you they shot better than VCU tonight. They essentially fell victim to VCU's pressure defense (huge presence in the 2nd half) and clutch free-throw shooting, their own lack of clutch free-throw shooting, and the fact that Eric Maynor figured out a way to score in the paint and then couldn't miss. And now that I've displayed my big basketball brain for you: on to the clothes!

-- Just kidding, I don't have any comments on clothes. Although I wound up liking the Pitt band's navy-and-gold striped rugby shirts a lot more than I really should have, especially since they were aping the Ameron-Cay Azies-Cray.

-- Best sporting event ever, seriously. Highly recommended.

*Apologies to all my friends who are Duke fans. No doubt you are the exception. That proves the rule!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Overly Crypic Jury Duty Observations, Day 3

So, let's just say, for example, hypothetically, you were presented with an exhibit that was an artist's rendering of a cross-section of the female pelvic region (stay with me here, fellas) from, like, a bird's eye view? Do you follow me? And what if, for example, this artist's rendering looked very much like an incredibly scary clown sticking its tongue out at you? And it wasn't like looking at the clouds where your impressions are fleeting -- for ten consecutive minutes, you're faced with Scary Clown Pelvic Region Face. My question is: how inappropriate would it have been to ask if you can have a copy of said exhibit so you can scan it and post it on your blog? Because now that I'm forced to describe it with words, it's just not good enough. I don't know.


...The clown's nose was the uterus!!!

You don't want to know what the tongue was.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Overly Cryptic Jury Duty Observations: Day 1

Man, this judicial process shit is for the birds.

...Oh my God, is this how we get Republicans? Take a handful of Democrats and put them into a jury room and make them wait for six hours doing nothing? Next thing you know, it's "Hang 'em high and let God sort 'em out!" But sir, it's just a medical malpractice case... "Silence! To the gallows!"

Monday, March 05, 2007

Snow Patrol, We Meet Again

I've got jury duty this week, which likely means minimal blog updating. In the meantime, check out some YouTubey goodness. This is the last five minutes of the series premiere of The Black Donnellys. I was episode two, and I'm officially onboard. The pilot was hit and miss, but I've seen the ending about five times now, and it still smacks me right between the eyes each time. And I've discovered yet another Snow Patrol song via the magic of product placement! Will wonders never cease? Anyway, I've been won over by the show's dunderheaded charms. Check it.