Saturday, December 29, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 17

Last Week:

Aaron 11-5
Joe 10-6

Season To Date:

Aaron 159-81
Joe 155-85

So this is it. Four games to make up or else Cam becomes two-time champion.

Week 17

New England at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: The fact that this could look like an exhibition game by halftime, with all the starters resting, takes a lot of the "historic" luster off this one for me. But, since the NFL now controls the entirety of television, none of us will be able to escape. Let's hope no one important dies on Saturday. I'd hate for the networks to be torn between the game and "Jimmy Carter: A Life Remembered". Pick: New England

Joe: Now, I'm not normally a praying man. But we're talking about the prospect of a New England 16-0 season. Our grandchildren's grandchildren will never hear the end of it. We're looking right down the barrell of Mike Vrabel autobiographies, stadiums named after Belichick, and Tom Brady being allowed back to host SNL again. So if you're up there, Superman, please keep speeding around the Earth and reversing time until the Giants pull this one out. As many times as it takes. Pick: New England

Buffalo at Philadelphia

Aaron: How Donovan McNabb has parlayed two December wins into a 2008 starting job in Philly leads me to believe that affirmative action is alive and well. Looks like "Pros vs. Joes" will have to wait another year for him. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: How are these for stakes: both teams are 7-8, so the winner gets rewarded with a lower draft pick. Reverse psychology rules still apply. Pick: Buffalo

Carolina at Tampa Bay

Aaron: The Bucs rested their starters for the most part last week and lost to one of the worst teams in the league. We're officially in the part of these picks that could go either way, regardless of records. My shaky four game lead over Joe is officially "shakier". Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: Nice try, getting me to pick the Panthers on the road, Cam. Pick: Tampa Bay

Cincinnati at Miami

Aaron: And, it's a quick segue back into "sure things". I'm fairly certain that Dolphins coach Cam Cameron is going to pull a Nick Nolte at the end of "Blue Chips" here and give a quick press conference after the game, then walk out of the stadium forever. He'll send for his things. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: I really want to pick the Dolphins here -- the Bengals already played spoiler last week, and it would be just like Miami to start 0-14 and then win two in a row when it matters least. But Miami's really, really bad. Also, about this Parcells thing: the Bills are now the only AFC East team that's been untouched by the Tuna's fat fingers. Let's hope they stay that way. Pick: Cincinnati

Detroit at Green Bay

Aaron: Ugh...I hate Week #17 picks. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: The Pack are not going to want to back into the playoffs with two straight losses. That, plus the Lions playing in the cold. Pick: Green Bay

Jacksonville at Houston

Aaron: The Jags have already locked up a playoff berth next week, so they'll be playing at half-speed here. Plus, they're not playing the Raiders. Then, again, they are playing Houston. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Okay, now I'm the one who hates making Week 17 picks. My rationale last week -- that the Texans were playing for pride and the Colts were playing for nothing -- still applies here. But you see how well that worked for me last time. Still, I ain't gonna pass Cam'ron by playing it safe. Pick: Houston

New Orleans at Chicago

Aaron: Hey, remember when these teams played for the NFC Championship? All that'll be missing this time are backflips into the endzone from Reggie Bush and postgame questions to Lovie Smith like "Wouldn't it be neat if TWO black coaches got to the Super Bowl?" I'll miss 2007. Pick: Chicago

Joe: All logic says that the Bears got their big win of the season out of their systems last week. Of course, logic also said that the Saints could take care of the Eagles last week with the playoffs on the line. Also, another dome team playing in frigid weather. ...God damn it. Pick: New Orleans

Seattle at Atlanta

Aaron: Falcons owner Arthur Blank can take solace in knowing that he now places 2nd all time in "worst year by an Atlanta owner". And, yes, the number one spot DOES involve those owners affected by the Emancipation Proclamation. But, Blank came close. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Don't forget Andre Rison, man. Or was he just renting that mansion? (I've probably made this joke before. I honestly do not care.) Pick: Seattle

San Francisco at Cleveland

Aaron: Good to know I'll be geting at least one right, this week. Pick: Cleveland

Joe: Amen, sir. Pick: Cleveland

Dallas at Washington

Aaron: Back when I was a kid, my family would roll the color Westinghouse TV into the dining room to enjoy a Saturday night filled with new episodes of "Diff'rent Strokes" and "Silver Spoons". In 1982, the Cowboys/Redskins were the overexposed "Yanks/Sox" rivalry of their era. Nothing lasts forever. Pick: Washington

Joe: When I was a kid, it was Cowboys/49ers. Old man. Pick: Washington

Kansas City at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: I wonder if Herm Edwards will be looking on from the Chiefs' sideline, twirling his sinister mustache and taking sick satisfaction in that he set the wheels in motion for the ruining of both teams on the field this day. (A quick Google Image search tells me you'll have to imagine the mustache.) Pick: N.Y. Jets

Joe: What, Roger Goodell? You couldn't simulcast this game across all television channels in prime time too? ...Is that because Herm Edwards is black or because Eric Mangini is fat? Pick: Kansas City

Minnesota at Denver

Aaron: The Vikings need a win here and a Redskins loss to make the playoffs. I like the motivation for the Vikes, but they looked awful last week in getting schooled by those same 'Skins at home. Great, now my head hurts. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Doesn't this seem like the week Mike Shanahan plucks some random cable repair man off the street, puts him into his backfield, and has him run for 180 yards? I think it does. Pick: Denver

Pittsburgh at Baltimore

Aaron: The Ravens will be without several starters on offense and damned if none of us would've even noticed. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Seriously, save for Miami, the Ravens just might be the worst team in football. Lucky for Pittsburgh, too, because guess who's been playing like crap for a month? Pick: Pittsburgh

San Diego at Oakland

Aaron: I know that JaMarcus Russell missed all of training camp and has been forced to play behind a mediocre o-line, but he's looked skittish in the pocket, overaggressive when he throws and, frankly, not too smart. He's starting on Sunday. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Sorry, Cam. I know that had to hurt to type that. Pick: San Diego

St. Louis at Arizona

Aaron: Psst, Kurt Warner. I'm starting you in my fantasy championship game this week. If you kick ass, I'll commit to helping you and your ilk put the "Christ" back in "Christmas" next December. After all, it's the Godless heathens with the "agenda". Certainly, not the religious right. Pick: Arizona

Joe: Happy Holidays to you too, Cam. As for the game, I need to make up ground somewhere, and whenever Marc Bulger's been able to last a full game without his shoulder falling off, he's been pretty excellent. Now to check that injury report... Pick: St. Louis

Tennessee at Indianapolis

Aaron: The Titans always play the Colts tough and this time the game has actual meaning for Tennessee. Win and they're in the playoffs. I likes them odds. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Sure, this'll be the game the Colts lay down for, putting the goddamn Titans into the playoffs ahead of the Browns. Rot in hell, Jim Storgi. Pick: Tennessee


Yoshi said...

I love your work, Joe, but I'm a Pats girl from way back and I can't but feel a little smug. It was an ugly game, but we got there in the end. But if their defense doesn't shape the hell up, you might be giddily celebrating their defeat in the playoffs.

Also, I heart Tom Brady. Even if I am a big lez.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Joe...just a quick note to let you know how much fun I had in Year #2 of our little pick-off.

While I retained my prognostication championship, I hope you can take solace in knowing that after the first four weeks, you led me by 10 games and everyone pretty much handed you the crown back in early October.

So, in a way, you're kind of The People's Champ.

jessica said...

Is that it, then? You guys don't pick the playoffs and the Superbowl? Come on. Joe could totally come back to win it!

(No offense, Cam.)

Joe R. said...

Playoff Pickery is forthcoming, but Cam's guiding that particular ship, and we're holding it seperate from the regular season.

As I said on his blog yesterday: I didn't want to win anyway. Or did I say "congratultions"? I can never remember.