Thursday, December 13, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 15

Last week:

Aaron: 13-3
Joe: 10-6

Season to date:

Aaron: 138 - 70
Joe: 135-73

Denver at Houston

Aaron: I went agin' my own "Jay Cutler in road games" rule vs. Oakland a few weeks ago and it bit me in the ass. Never again, Jay Cutler. Never again will you bite my ass. Pick: Houston

Joe: Here's where I make my formal apology to Sage Rosenfels. Sorry, dude. How was I to know? It's not like you engineered a 20-point second half comeback against the Bills or anything. Ass. Pick: Houston

Cincinnati at San Francisco

Aaron: In researching my quip for this game, I discovered that former Bengal Ickey Woods is now the coach for the Cincinnati Sizzle in a women's football league. His salary = a warm place to sleep at night. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Wow. Between women's football, "a warm place to sleep at night" and "Ickey," this blurb has gotten...well, icky. This game won't be any prettier, I'll tell you that. Pick: Cincinnati

Arizona at New Orleans

Aaron: The Cards begin what should be a three game cakewalk to 9-7. As for the Saints, I'm about 11 years too late for an effective "Dead Man Walking" reference. I loved that movie. Pick: Arizona

Joe: I don't like the Cards on the road, especially not with Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitz banged up. The Saints, on the other hand, can get by without Reggie Bush a bit easier. Pick: New Orleans

Atlanta at Tampa Bay

Aaron: I can't help but think that the Falcons' 2007 season is some sort of karmic payback for the ATL unleashing Lil' Jon on an unsuspecting country. And, yes, I have no shame with being five years too late with my "bash Lil Jon" reference. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: My guess is that the Lil' John karma is being crowded out by the Michael Vick dogtrocution karma. Though I won't rule out a haunting by Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Pick: Tampa Bay

Baltimore at Miami

Aaron: F*ck it, why not? (That was rhetorical.) Pick: Miami

Joe: You just don't know how bad this Dolphins team is until you see them with your own eyes. Besides, my theory that the Ravens have quit on their coach was obviously wrong because they extended his contract. Because if they renewed the contract of a guy who has allowed his team to unravel around him, that'd be pretty stupid, huh? Pick: Baltimore

Buffalo at Cleveland

Aaron: They're talking playoff implications for BOTH the Browns and Bills here. No, really. I heard it on ESPN's PTI this week. If only the Bills were at home... Pick: Cleveland

Joe: The last time a Bills-Browns game mattered, it was 1989 (actually, January of 1990): Don Beebe got dropped on his head with no ill effects, Jim Kelly and Bernie Kosar combined for seven touchdown passes, and Ronnie Harmon dropped the winning touchdown in the corner of the end zone. ...Yep, still hate him. Pick: Cleveland

Green Bay at St. Louis

Aaron: After no less than 200 concussions this season alone, Rams QB Marc Bulger is expected to start. Brett Favre scoffs at this infidel's shoddy Brett Favre impression. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: His Steve Young impression, however, should be coming along quite nicely. Pick: Green Bay

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh

Aaron: The Steelers haven't looked good in the last four weeks, but I'll take the northeast (to me, anyway) home team in December over anyone from Florida. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: It's sound logic, especially after getting a look at that m-f'er of a nor'easter headed their way. Pick: Pittsburgh

N.Y. Jets at New England

Aaron: Of course the Pats are gonna win, but the last spread I saw was 21 points. I'm told something called a "nor'easter" (pfft, it's spelled "norTHeaster", idiots) could wreck havoc in the area. Three TD difference on, potentially, the planet Hoth? No chance. Pick: New England

Joe: Beat ya to the nor'easter reference, sucker. My questions is this: will Belichick be more pissed off that the weather will keep his asshole team from running up the score or that it'll force him to wear something warmer than his Flashdance cut-off sweatshirt? Pick: New England

Seattle at Carolina

Aaron: Still no clue as to what to make of the Seahawks team. But, as long as the Panthers continue their rotation of AARPQBs, me likey Seattle here. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Yeah, I guess the 'Hawks aren't as bad as I've been saying. Shaun Alexander is, how Matt Hasselbeck will end up carrying this team into the playoffs and getting no credit for it. Hot bald guys have it rough sometimes. Pick: Seattle

Tennessee at Kansas City

Aaron: I like how everyone has blamed Larry Johnson's lackluster season on the fact that he missed training camp and NOT the 4,000,000 times he ran the ball last year. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Has anybody blamed it on the delicious barbecue yet? Pick: Tennessee

Indianapolis at Oakland

Aaron: Moving on. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe:It's no fun to hate on your team when they're this bad, Cam. Hope they get better next season. Pick: Indianapolis

Detroit at San Diego

Aaron: All season long, when the Chargers have built up a game or two worth of momentum, they unexpectedly stink up the joint. Sooo, tempted here with the SD defense beat up. Can't do it. Pick: San Diego

Joe: That demoralizing defeat to the Cowboys last week has to have broken the Lions' will for good, don't you think? Pick: San Diego

Philadelphia at Dallas

Aaron: Anyone else think the Eagles will talk themselves into bringing back Donovan McNabb next year, chalking up '07 to "injuries n' stuff"? The "stuff" is that he's juuuust about through. Pick: Dallas

Joe: As are the Eagles this season. Pick: Dallas

Washington at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: The Redskins have dedicated this game to the memory of Coach Joe Gibbs' marbles. Pick: N.Y. Giants

Joe: Can't top that. Pick: NY Giants

Chicago at Minnesota

Aaron: Am I too late to make the obligatory "they both have an Adrian Peterson" joke? No? Good. Cuz my money's on the Black one! Pick: Minnesota

Joe: If only they both had a Kyle Orton, the Bears might have a shot. Pick: Minnesota

No comments: