Sunday, December 09, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 14

Last week:

Aaron: 11-5
Joe: 7-9

Season to date:

Aaron: 125-67
Joe: 125-67

Week 14:

Chicago at Washington

Aaron: Things we learned from last week's Redskins loss: (1) It's stupid to assume that dozens of individuals will be equally "inspired" to win a football game when a teammate dies. (2) The 'Skins going with 10 men on defense on the first play was even more stupid. (3) Coach Joe Gibbs' gift-wrapped 15-yard penalty at the end of the game...stupidest of all. The Skins are d-o-n-e. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Yeah, even with the loss to the Giants, it still seems that the Bears are playing better on defense and are an improved team with The Other Adrian Peterson in the backfield, for the pass-catching ability alone. Pick: Chicago

Carolina at Jacksonville

Aaron: The Jags have one real test in their final four games (next week at Pittsburgh). A run to the AFC Championship Game would not surprise me at this point, even though they don't seem to suit up anyone over 5'9". Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Not sure if I would go that far, but they'll certainly mop the floor with the Panthers. Pick: Jacksonville

Dallas at Detroit

Aaron: Well, the Lions have sure made picking their games a lot easier lately. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Seriously, where's your God now, Kitna? Pick: Dallas

Miami at Buffalo

Aaron: Last week, the Dolphins proved that a sh*tty team's "plucky spunk" (even at home) will always be trumped by a team whose sole motivation is to avoid humiliation. Out on a limb here: the Dolphins are D-O-N-E. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: I'm petrified of jinxing my boys here, but Cameron's ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter. Pick: Buffalo

N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia

Aaron: Why does every mention of these teams' first meeting include the 12 Giants sacks, but not a word about the absence of Eagles RB Brian Westbrook? Expect Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb to share a patented awkward hug for the cameras at game's end. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: Again, your argument is compelling, and that's not even getting into the 95% probability that Jeremy Shockey will drop a 3rd-down pass during a crucial 4th quarter drive. Keep talking, fat face! Pick: Philadelphia

Oakland at Green Bay

Aaron: The week-old game recaps, pretentiously self-serving writers and embarassing attempts to blend pop culture with athletics has made Sports Illustrated increasingly irrelevant over the years. And, they just picked Brett Favre as their "Sportsman of the Year". Why? Cuz he plays hurt, mostly. Wonder where he'll finish in the voting 10 years from now when he's wheeled in to testify at congressional hearings for more handicapped access. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Now I'm picturing Brett Favre as wheel-boung with a blanket over his legs like Krusty in that one Simpsons episode that happened in the future. Thanks, Cam! Pick: Green Bay

San Diego at Tennessee

Aaron: Before last week's game, Chargers RB Classy Tomlinson called former coach Marty Schottenheimer for advice. This overt slap in the craggy mug of current coach Norv Turner was glossed over by most media outlets, since San Diego won. Are these "passes from the media" just randomly handed out or did Brett Favre have to vouch for the guy? Pick: San Diego

Joe: If the Chargers are headed for that 9-7 "division championship by default" that I think they are, they should be due for a loss right Pick: Tennessee

St. Louis at Cincinnati

Aaron: My picks have been longer than usual this week. For the sake of the readers, let's just say it'll be cold in Cincinnati. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: I probably shouldn't take such nasty satisfaction out of TJ Houshmandzedeh going in the tank the last few weeks, thus deep-sixing the fantasy seasons of teams that were lucky enough to have idiots like me pick Larry Fitzgerald instead. Not like I'm holding onto that or anything. Pick: Cincinnati

Tampa Bay at Houston

Aaron: With only highlights from those first two wins, it appears that the Texans' 2007 season DVD will be running a little short of its alloted 30 minutes this year. They might wanna include several of Reggie Bush's patented 2-yard gains for yuks, though. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: I've been fond of picking Houston this season (Cam's been fond of me picking Houston too, I suspect), but I just can't quite put my trust in Sage Rosenfels. Pick: Tampa Bay

Arizona at Seattle

Aaron: That the Seahawks went into Philly last week, fought bad weather and some of the worst fans on earth, yet still came away with a win is either a testiment to their talent or an indictment to how inconsistent and awful they've looked at other times this year. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Yeah, I've officially given up on figuring the Seahawks out. The Cardinals are easier: they ain't winning in cold weather. Pick: Seattle

Minnesota at San Francisco

Aaron: It appears my son will have a better Vikings RB to watch for the next decade than I was ever able to see on the ol' black n' white back in my day. Wither Robert Smith and Herschel Walker? Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Seriously. Where have you gone, Mewelde Moore? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Minny's making the playoffs, y'all. Pick: Minnesota

Cleveland at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: Loved how all the Jets were running their mouths last Sunday and talking about being "disrespected" by the oddsmakers who slotted them as underdogs vs. winless Miami. Let's hope Coach Mangini has saved some of that motivational fire for his exit interview this January. Pick: Cleveland

Joe: The Browns seriously let me down last week -- I was really not pleased. ...So this is how it must feel to be a Browns fan! Pick: Cleveland

Kansas City at Denver

Aaron: Fun in San Diego, THIS is our regional late game and not Steelers v. Patriots. The local CBS affiliate justifies this by calling Chiefs/Broncos "an important divisional game". I'd write more, but ESPN's Bill Simmons recently decreed only he's allowed to bitch about these things. Pick: Denver

Joe: Seeing as we've only differed once so far in this extremely predictable set of picks, I'd better zig while you zag here. Go Dwayne Bowe (whoever that is)! Pick: Kansas City

Pittsburgh at New England

Aaron: Seriously, where the hell is all this "Steelers can beat the Pats" talk coming from? Mike Tomlin has been outcoached in several games this year - even if his team still won some of them. The Pats haven't mauled anyone in almost three weeks. They're due. Pick: New England

Joe: Eh. I don't know. One shaky game is one thing, but two in a row makes me think maybe the Pats don't have the gumption to make this 16-0 thing happen. You can tell I'm mostly joking because I said "gumption," but seriously: if not now, when? Pick: Pittsburgh

Indianapolis at Baltimore

Aaron: That Ravens 4th quarter Monday night meltdown was a sight to behold. And I loved those crowd shots of Baltimore fans after the game. It was like watching close-ups of the losing team in the Little League World Series. I love those. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Yeah, it was tough to have to root for the Ravens last week, between Billick and that defense throwing a block party after every tackle. Also, regarding Ray Lewis and Willis McGahee, now that we've gotten the nationwide Sean Taylor period of mourning out of our collective system, can we stop referring to former Miami Hurricanes as if they all pledged the same business frat? Shut up so hard, "The U". Pick: Indianapolis

New Orleans at Atlanta

Aaron: It's over for the Saints, but it's over-er for the Falcons. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Yeah, last week marked the last time I'll be picking the Falcons this or any season. Pick: New Orleans


That Bootleg Guy said...

"Well, folks, when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time."

"Why didn't you say that before!"

jessica said...


Oh, the drama!