Sunday, December 02, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 13

Thanks to Cam for reminding me that there's a game tonight. I'm posting our picks for the Cowboys-Packers game, then updating with the rest of the picks by the end of the week.

Last week:

Joe: 13-3
Aaron: 10-6

Season to date:

Joe: 118-58
Aaron: 114-62

Green Bay at Dallas

Aaron: Thanks to a lack of NFL Network on my cable, I’ll be forced to my local Hooters for a work-related happy hour. Save me a plate of grotesquely breaded wings and a server who pretends to like me! Pick: Dallas

Joe: Goddamn Thursday games on goddamn NFL network that I can't goddamn watch. Oh, it's only the two best teams in the NFC, THAT'S ALL. Grumble. Anyway, here's what's been interesting -- has anyone else seen how ESPN has been covering the "Tony Romo grew up idolizing Brett Favre" angle? And how Romo's been all, "Look, I like the guy, but I'm not going to kiss him with my tongue at midfield, okay?" And ESPN is all, "But why not? Why do you hate Brett Favre?" It's like Favre's season is being scripted by Kurt Vonnegut, I swear. Pick: Dallas

San Francisco at Carolina

Aaron: I hated the 49ers for most of their dynastic run in the ‘80s and ‘90s, but this current incarnation gives me hope that I’ll be able to laugh at the 2-14 New England Patriots sometime in 2022. And, laugh I will. Pick: Carolina

Joe: How bittersweet must those early-'90s Raiders seasons have been for you, what with Al Davis signing every Ronnie Lott and Roger Craig he could find. Pick: Carolina

Jacksonville at Indianapolis

Aaron: If I weren’t currently running a few meters behind Reid, I’d pick the Jags and QB David Garrard here. So very tempted by the current four points that Vegas is favoring the Colts by, though. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: You know what? After half a season mocking the Jags as overrated, I have to admit, David Garrard really impressed me against the Bills. Solid, steady QB there. Their running game is too easily stifled, though. Pick: Indianapolis

San Diego at Kansas City

Aaron: Snow 'n' ice is in the forecast for Western Missouri on Sunday. Yes! And, the Chiefs are something like 40-5 at home in December dating back to the dawn of man. YES! Pick: Kansas City

Joe: Your overvaluing of the Chiefs and undervaluing of the Chargers both work in my favor this week, I think. Pick: San Diego

N.Y. Jets at Miami

Aaron: Miami’s gonna be the darling pick for everyone who sympathized with the team’s 3-0 loss on Monday night. Let’s not let that pity blind us from the fact that the ’07 Dolphins are one of the worst teams in the last 25 years of any professional sport. Pick: N.Y. Jets

Joe: I don't know. I've seen worse teams than this Dolphins team, and their last game against the Jets looked awfully winnable, and that was on the road. Sure, they still had Ronnie Brown then, but I say break out the sparkling apple juice, kids! Pick: Miami

Detroit at Minnesota

Aaron: So, last week, the Vikings go into East Rutherford and embarrass Eli Manning and the Giants. The Lions, meanwhile, played their biggest Thanksgiving Day game in forever and got killed by the Pack. Just layin’ the groundwork for my nonsensical pick. Pick: Detroit

Joe: Still kicking myself for ignoring my gut and not picking the Vikes last week. Let's see how they do when I actually put my faith in them. The Lions look like they're finished. Pick: Minnesota

Seattle at Philadelphia

Aaron: Well, you gave the Pats a good scare, Philly. On the one hand, I’m loathe to pick another road team. On the other, there’s no f*ckin’ way A.J. Feeley has two straight games-of-his-life. Pick: Seattle

Joe: On the other, other hand, Seattle sucks so hard. Pick: Philadelphia

Atlanta at St. Louis

Aaron: That Rams Renaissance didn’t last long, did it? And, now that Marc Bulger has torpedoed my fantasy team, he can go back to putting up those 300+ yard games. Like he did in the few games where I didn’t play him. Pick: St. Louis

Joe: You didn't draft Shaun Alexander over Joseph Addai. You don't get to bitch. Pick: Atlanta

Houston at Tennessee

Aaron: Vince Young always seems able to get it up for the Texans. Those “revenge games” in response to Houston not drafting him are gonna look mighty good in later seasons when juxtaposed with 12-14 losses to everyone else if VY is still QB. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Call me crazy, but I think that Texans-Browns game last week represented a battle of the cream of the second-tier AFC crop. That's a lot of qualifying, but I stand by it. Pick: Houston

Buffalo at Washington

Aaron: One of the many detestable elements in the aftermath of Sean Taylor’s murder are the fans who openly wonder if it’ll motivate the Redskins to play harder and better via the element of “inspiration”. Although, it worked for Charles Bronson in all those movies. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: I actually kind of liked what I saw of Bills third-string RB Fred Jackson, who gets the start this week because there's no one else. Not enough to pick the down-trending Bills on the road. Pick: Washington

Cleveland at Arizona

Aaron: The sight of Kurt Warner face down in his own end zone with the 49ers recovering his fumble for a game-winning overtime TD ranks slightly ahead of the imagery of that punt on Monday night that stuck into the mud like a lawn dart. Pick: Cleveland

Joe: You know this is a good and exciting Browns team when I end up rooting for them despite the presence of Kellen Winslow Jr. and the entire Cleveland fan base. Pick: Cleveland

Denver at Oakland

Aaron: Arrgh. It’s my "Jay Cutler on the road" bias against my "...but, they’re playing the Raiders" bias. Something’s gotta give. Forgive me, Mr. Davis. Pick: Denver

Joe: Last week, Cutler on the road passed for 300 yards, 2 TDs, and only 1 INT. He wasn't the one who decided to kick to Devin Hester twice. Anyway, I had my fun picking the Raiders. Now that it paid off, I know when to fold 'em. Pick: Denver

Tampa Bay at New Orleans

Aaron: No clue. Bucs QB Jeff Garcia is hurt, but may play and the Saints are dead, barely breathing, or dangerous. I hate this league. In my day, every team was either 9-2 or 2-9 by December 1st. Made for easy pickin’! Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Yeah, I'm similarly flummoxed. I've been underestimating the Bucs and overestimating the Saints. And why change things up now? Pick: New Orleans

N.Y. Giants at Chicago

Aaron: And, right behind the Kurt Warner and mud-ball images from last week…? M’man Eli Manning’s mug (with Peyton on site in a luxury box!) after the third of his three returned INTs. But, he’s gotta beat Rex Grossman, right? Right? Pick: N.Y. Giants

Joe: Wrong. As I semi-predicted, the Giants' second-half swoon has arrived right on schedule. Watch them get torched by The Other Adrian Peterson. Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh

Aaron: C’mon, monsoon! Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Seriously. Can we talk for a second about all the Tuesday-morning whining in the media about the field conditions in Pittsburgh and how it was unsafe for the players and made for an unsatisfying outcome and boo hoo hoo. I say more mudball! More foot-deep sinkholes! If Skip Bayless doesn't like it, he can go watch the NBA. Okay, maybe that's too harsh. But still. Pick: Pittsburgh

New England at Baltimore

Aaron: The Colts were the last team to give the Pats a fight before the Eagles last week and New England responded by hanging 56 on the Bills in their next game. I think the Pats cover here. Pick: New England

Joe: Because Baltimore is beyond shitty? That's right. Pick: New England


AB and the Bear Suits said...

My dad got a chuckle out of this post seeing as he's been going on and on about how great Milwaukee is for having it on the local channels, and how great DirecTV is for carrying it because it screws all you cable subscribers.

Make sure to order some milk at Hooters.

That Bootleg Guy said...

151 total yards for Buffalo's Mr. Jackson, Joe. Too bad you didn't "kind of like" him more this week.

Bills 17, Joe's Faith 16