Saturday, November 17, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 11

Last week:

Joe: 8-6
Aaron: 5-9

Season to date:

Joe: 95-49
Aaron: 90-54

Week 11:

Arizona at Cincinnati

Aaron: Glad to see the sh*ttiest teams of my youth (OK, my late teens to late 20s) are still paired up occasionally. Let's see: Cards = top 10 defense, Cincy = at home. Pick: Arizona

Joe: Porous Bengals defense don't fail me now! Pick: Arizona

Carolina at Green Bay

Aaron: Testaverde vs. Farve! This'll surely be the oldest combined age for two starting quarterbacks since every week Joe Montana took the field in his last two years as a Kansas City Chief. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: So when do the Packers play a team that's any good? And is there a higher visibility platform than Sunday Night Football to beam that mythical game to the masses? Pick: Green Bay

Cleveland at Baltimore

Aaron: Only in the NFL could Browns QB Derek Anderson, 24, put up great numbers and carry a mediocre team to respectability...only to have his long-term future in doubt cuz he's not as pretty or marketable as unproven first round pick, Brady Quinn. Pick: Cleveland

Joe: Yeah, but Brady Quinn's a big queermo. Don't you read the hilarious Deadspin commenters? Pick: Cleveland

Kansas City at Indianapolis

Aaron: The Colts put on the single worst (non-Raider) half of football that I've seen in years vs. the Chargers last Sunday. That said, the bat-sh*t insane 14.5 spread might make this the single best bet of the year. Colts win, but no way they cover. No way! Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we don't deal with point spreads around these parts, lest we end up with Aaron's Lockdown Steal of the Week. (That is a big lock...) Pick: Indianapolis

Miami at Philadelphia

Aaron: The Dolphins have a rookie quarterback making his first start, on the road, no less. But, now there's word that the Eagles' Brian Westbrook is questionable for the game. IF he doesn't play, a Miami upset wouldn't surprise me. I reserve my right to mention this next week if I'm right. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: Hold up...I just heard that a student reporter at a Philadelphia high school questioned Donovan McNabb's ability and whether he should be starting in his "Scotty's Sports Corner" column. Sorry, Miami. Pick: Philadelphia

New Orleans at Houston

Aaron: I thought the Saints' faux renaissance would last a few more weeks. Meanwhile, I'll amuse myself the rest of the season with all those "What's Wrong with Reggie Bush" stories. Pick: Houston

Joe: Rather than going back in the tank, I think the Saints will opt for "frustratingly inconsistent" instead. Pick: New Orleans

N.Y. Giants at Detroit

Aaron: Now that the Giants have clearly established their standing in the second echelon of NFC teams, maybe they can take the Lions out for pizza and Hi-C, afterwards. They are neighbors, after all. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: I already think this is a stupid pick, but the Lions are at home. Pick: Detroit

Oakland at Minnesota

Aaron: Last week, Rex Grossman beat the Raiders. The week before it was 400 lb. Ron Dayne. Do the Vikings have any washed-up talent in need of an inexplicably good game? No, no...Daunte Culpepper plays for Oakland, now. Good guess, though. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Without Adrian Peterson, Minnesota's got nothing but washed-up non-talent. Enjoy your last win of the season, Raiders fans! Pick: Oakland

San Diego at Jacksonville

Aaron: Love the Jags' running game vs. a susceptible defense, but the Chargers are looking like a team that's going to unify against the authority of their management for the rest of the season. Wasn't that the plot in that Scott Bakula/Kathy Ireland/Sinbad vehicle Unnecessary Roughness? Pick: San Diego

Joe: Um, I believe the movie was called Necessary Roughness. Stupid. Pick: San Diego

Tampa Bay at Atlanta

Aaron: Possible postgame headlines: "Colts Roast Falcons", "Colts Feast on Falcons", "Colts Stuff Falcons" or "Colts Feast on Roasted Stuffed Falcons". Wait, Indy v. Atlanta is on Thanksgiving, isn't it? Fine, just substitute "Bucs" for "Colts" here. What? I'm not typing it over. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: I don't know. The Bucs really seem to have lost their mojo as of late. And the Falcons at home seem like a decent upset pick. 'Specially now that Warrick Dunn has awoken from his 50-year slumber. Pick: Atlanta

Pittsburgh at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: Never let it be said that I'm NOT the last one to use a tired soundbite: The Jets are a win over 0-9 Miami from being 0-9 Miami. No, really, that JUST came to me. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Huh. I was just going to say "Jets stink worse than the rest of New Jersey." Yours is better. Pick: Pittsburgh

Chicago at Seattle

Aaron: Hey, these guys! Last January, the Bears were 8.5 point favorites in a divisional playoff game vs. Seattle and I told all of you that Chicago wouldn't cover. Still got funds in the account because of them. I will never stop mentioning this. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Wow, awesome. The Bears inept running game against the Seahawks inept running game. First back to 50 yards wins! In related news, if Shaun Alexander winds up dead under mysterious circumstances, you never heard of me. Pick: Seattle

St. Louis at San Francisco

Aaron: No, no...keep losing 49ers. Since the Patriots have your first round pick next year, we'll need a fresh new story about them in March and April leading up to the draft. Pick: St. Louis

Joe: Lord, seriously. Call me crazy, but I think the Rams may have turned a corner on their season. Pick: St. Louis

Washington at Dallas

Aaron: Not sure if we're getting this game in San Diego, but if so, they'd better feature several airings of that Pepsi AM commercial with pretty much the entire Cowboys team and front office. Cola for breakfast. And, we wonder why the world hates us. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Wait, wait, hold up a second. "Pepsi AM"? Pepsi for breakfast? I never thought I'd live to see the day. Kids, we're moving into the root cellar. The end times is comin'. Pick: Dallas

New England at Buffalo

Aaron: Let's just say the Generals aren't due. Pick: New England

Joe: Come on, seven! Pick: New England

Tennessee at Denver

Aaron: I think we can safely call Vince Young's season the first successful "Madden Curse" that didn't involve a season-ending injury. Pick: Denver

Joe: And yet that bastard team for jerks continues to win, despite all logic. Pick: Denver


Jeff Hansen said...

Teams Green Bay has beaten:
-New York Giants
-San Diego Chargers

In fact, outside of Minny, every team Green Bay has played as a record of at least 4-5. Also, they are finishing the season with 2 games against Detroit and one against Dallas.

Joe R. said...

Damn, that Brett Favre phone chain moves fast!

Jeff Hansen said...

What can I say, I love my RSS reader.