Saturday, October 27, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 8

Last Week:

Aaron: 10-4
Joe: 13-1 (Damn you, Broncos!)

Season To Date:

Joe: 69-34
Aaron: 65-38

This week's picks:


Cleveland at St. Louis

Aaron: The Browns have steamrolled over some of the league's worst teams and m'thinks the 0-7 Rams certainly qualify. But, the Browns are 0-2 on the road this year, you say? Those games were against New England and Oakland, I retort. Ahem. Pick: Cleveland

Joe: Okay, here's where you have to start thinking that the Rams are bound to win at least one game, and so every home game becomes possibly The One They'll Win. Not having the first damn clue whether Cleveland is actually a decent team or not doesn't help. ...Oh, hell. Pick: St. Louis


Detroit at Chicago

Aaron: The Rex Grossman-version of the Bears lost to the God-rooting-for-Kitna version of the Lions last month. Grossman is now on the bench and I'm hoping God's attention has moved a few thousand miles to the west. Specifically, to the Taco Bell a half mile from my house. And also to my house. Pick: Chicago

Joe: I think Detroit has become my "pick them at home, pick against them on the road" team of the season, much like the 49ers last season. Pick: Chicago


Indianapolis at Carolina

Aaron: If the Panthers had even an average QB behind center on Sunday, I'd call this the very definition of a trap game for the Colts. Indy's got the Patriots next week and Carolina's QB combo of Carr/Testeverde should provide a nice preseason-esque warm-up. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Just so long as nobody calls out the Pats after the game and invokes The Great And Terrible Vengeance Of Belichick's Half-Sleeves for next week. Pick: Indianapolis


N.Y. Giants at Miami

Aaron: This has been quite the challenging out-of-conference schedule for the Giants this year, no? And, of the Giants eight games after this, only three should pose a challenge. NY writers will credit the retirement of Tiki Barber and maturation of Eli Manning as the reasons for this 12-4 season. The moral? Mike Lupica is a f*ckin' idiot. Pick: N.Y. Giants

Joe: Glad you've caught up to the rest of us. Pity that he never got swallowed whole by a brunch-crazed Bill Conlan, mistaking him for a strip of bacon, back in the halcyon days of The Sports Reporters. Aw, remember the classic days of The Sports Reporters? Where have you gone, Dick Schapp? ...Oh, right. Pick: NY Giants


Oakland at Tennessee

Aaron: My Raiders are done winning for awhile. And, news this week that 20% of the team had been sold was muted by the fact that it wasn't any of Al Davis' 20%. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Here's a question that should keep everyone busy until kickoff time: are the Titans any good as a football team? They've won some games, but...you know? They don't seem all that good. Not like this week will be of any help. Pick: Tennessee


Philadelphia at Minnesota

Aaron: As long as the Vikings keep their most dynamic player out of the offense on almost half their plays, every one of their opponents has a chance. Minnesota head coach Tobias Funke might wanna unleash Adrian Peterson against the Eagles tough run D. Die with your boots on and all that rot... Pick: Minnesota

Joe: At halftime, Peterson and Brian Westbrook will have a summit at the 50-yard-line where they will discuss how sick they are of propping up a crappy team all by themselves and pledge to buy the Buffalo Bills and run it on their own, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, once Ralph Wilson finally dies. (...Man, if Ralph Wilson somehow dies this week, I am gonna feel like a shit.) Pick: Philadelphia


Pittsburgh at Cincinnati

Aaron: The Bengals still have a pretty nice offense and the Steelers did look bad in last week's inexplicable loss to Broadway Jay Cutler and Denver. The difference here is that pride's at stake. It's Western Pennsylvania vs. Southern Ohio/Northern Kentucky! Really...no one wins! Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: If the Steelers hadn't lost last week, I'd say the Bengals have a chance to catch them on an off week, but not so much anymore. In other news, anyone who wants to witness me commit Hara Kiri in public as I consider once again how I could have had TJ Houshmandzedeh (in addition to the Randy Moss I already have) on my fantasy team this season, please meet me in Central Park on Sunday evening. Pick: Pittsburgh


Buffalo at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: Two bad offenses meet two bad defenses. At 1-6, the Jets are the bigger mess, though. Then again, they're at home, where they won their only game of the season. Against Miami. F*ck it, where's my coin? Pick: N.Y. Jets

Joe: I pledged to pick the Bills only once this season, and it paid off last week. This week, I go back to picking against them and hoping I'm wrong. Pick: NY Jets


Houston at San Diego

Aaron: For one week, I'll keep my Chargers bashing to a minimum. San Diego does love this team of steroid cheats and crybaby "classy individuals". Conversely, the Chargers bond with the community is as strong as any other team in the league. They won't lose a game that uses "dedicated to..." a million times between now and Sunday. Pick: San Diego

Joe: If you keep holding your nose like that, Cam, you won't be able to inhale the fragrant aroma of that lei they give you as your board your plane back home from Hawai'i. Pick: San Diego


Jacksonville at Tampa Bay

Aaron: The Jags have some key injuries on offense, while the Bucs have two cupcakes and a bye spread over their next four weeks. And, we're talking bad cupcakes like those Hostess chocolate cake/chocolate frosting ones. Not, good cupcakes like those Hostess yellow cake/chocolate frosting ones. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: Jacksonville versus Tampa...in the battle over which Floridian city you'd least want to make your vacation spot? No, football, I guess. My gut says Tampa, but we've been too similar in our picks this week. Pick: Jacksonville


New Orleans at San Francisco

Aaron: Put it this way: whether it's 75% of injured 49ers QB Alex Smith or 100% of sh*tty back-up QB Trent Dilfer, it doesn't matter. The Saints are in the middle of one of those short-lived "we knew they weren't this bad" stretches that won't end until they win a few more games. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Yikes. I thought New Orleans would be a slam dunk last week and yet they limped all the way past freaking Atlanta. Maybe they really are just that shitty. So are the Niners, of course. Pick: New Orleans


Washington at New England

Aaron: In the span of a few hours, the Pats will lay waste to the Redskins and the Red Sox could finish off the Rockies in the World Series. Enjoy the next six months on the east coast, dear readers. Pick: New England

Joe: Didn't you just finish telling your readers that we all live on the East Coast, via your wah-wah, boo-hoo, we have to hear about New York and Philly and Boston East Coast Bias rant? Enjoy the next six months, everyone. Pick: New England


Green Bay at Denver

Aaron: Brett Favre had a week off to rest his tired bones. Can his Monday Night Mojo win out, even without a running game? I hear he's got a friend/relative/neighbor who's sick/dead/dying. I feel safer not knowing this guy. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Hey, if John Madden and Peter King aren't going to be there, maybe Brett will forget there's even a game to be played. I don't think Denver was nearly as bad as they were being made out to be. Pick: Denver

2 comments:

That Bootleg Guy said...

Didn't you just finish telling your readers that we all live on the East Coast, via your wah-wah, boo-hoo, we have to hear about New York and Philly and Boston East Coast Bias rant? Enjoy the next six months, everyone.

I can just turn off ESPN for the next few months. Even if you did, Brooklyn Joe, you couldn't escape Mike & The Mad Dog, the NY tabloids and the idle chatter of the crazy guy next to you on the underground railroad you call "sub-way"

Jeff said...

In other news, anyone who wants to witness me commit Hara Kiri in public as I consider once again how I could have had TJ Houshmandzedeh (in addition to the Randy Moss I already have) on my fantasy team this season, please meet me in Central Park on Sunday evening.

I've got that beat. I drafted Moss, got nervous about all the training camp reports, and accepted Moss for Norwood trade that was offered to me.

So yeah, Central Park it is.