Sunday, October 21, 2007

Smooth Joey Apollo's '07 NFL Picks: Week 7

Last week:

Aaron: 9-4
Joe: 4-9

Season to date:

Aaron: 55-34
Joe: 56-33

Arizona at Washington

Aaron: Where's your God now, Kurt Warner?! Last week's loss at home to Jurassic Testeverde and his salt-and-pepper perm doesn't bode well for the future. Pick: Washington

Joe: Even worse for 'Zona, they may have to start Tim Rattay (that's French for "ratty") this week. In other news, Black Quarterback Jason Campbell (tm Cam) makes his first appearance in my fantasy ball starting lineup. Don't make me regret it, kid. Pick: Washington

Atlanta at New Orleans

Aaron: In my defense, I came this close to calling last week's surprising Saints win. Between that and my lukewarm support of FOX's "K-Ville", I feel infinitely better about not donating to that whole Red Cross Disaster Relief thingie two summers ago. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: "Lukewarm support" doesn't put food on Anthony Anderson's table. Here's where the Saints fool people into thinking they can make a run at the playoffs. Pick: New Orleans

Baltimore at Buffalo

Aaron: Once...just once...I'd like for Joe's Bills to be on the "famous" side of all those "infamous" NFL moments they've played a part in over the years. Frank Reich, notwithstanding. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Take your pity and stuff it in a sock, Cam. Here's where I make my annual overly-optimistic homer pick. Pick: Buffalo

New England at Miami

Aaron: At this point, what's more likely to happen: Pats win by 50 or Bill Simmons gracing us all with another Monday morning column about New England's domination? Heaven help us all if the Red Sox beat the Indians. Pick: New England

Joe: I actually can't root for Miami here, under Champagne Toast Ordinance, Article VI. So I'll do what I normally do: hope for a big fantasy day for Moss and seethe with resentment. Pick: New England

San Francisco at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: Wait...when did Eli Manning get all "not bad", again? And, which juggernaut do we credit him for taking down - the Jets or Falcons? Pick: N.Y. Giants

Joe: Hey, remember the early 1990s? When this was the matchup in the NFC? Now it's just the Giants' latest chance to fatten up on a crappy team in preparation for their annual late-season swoon when they all quit on their coach. Pick: NY Giants

Tampa Bay at Detroit

Aaron: The Lions' 2-0 start was just precious. I'm equally unconvinced that this Bucs squad is legit...but, they're at hot and my usual "who's got the better helmet" pick strategy hasn't worked so well. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: Am I the only one who remembers that A) the Lions are at home, B) they've got one thousand WRs who love to score TDs, and C) Tampa doesn't have a running back? Pick: Detroit

Tennessee at Houston

Aaron: Titans QB Vince Young is reportedly a game time decision. If he starts Titans win, if he doesn't, the Texans will take it. Just covering my ass, kids. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: I miss thinking that the Texans might make the playoffs. Pick: Tennessee

Kansas City at Oakland

Aaron: Well, the Raiders were nicely exposed for anyone who thought they were strong underdog play (+10) last week. This week, they're actually 2 or 3 point favorites at home. This one's free money, kids. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: No faith in your boys, Cam. You're not fit to wear those spiked shoulder pads. 'Course, neither am I. Thank God. Pick: Kansas City

N.Y. Jets at Cincinnati

Aaron: Chad Johnson has announced that there'll be no more end zone celebrations until the Bengals start winning. Way to be all unselfish in the same week you've got the Jets, Chadwick. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: I'd kind of love to pick the Jets here, but that's when I remember that they can't run, or pass, or stop the run, or stop the pass. The weird thing is, three of those four things were true last year, too, and they made the playoffs. Pick: Cincinnati

Chicago at Philadelphia

Aaron: Adrian Peterson, Schmadrian Peterson...the Vikings are horrible and the Bears' season officially ended last Sunday. Donovan McNabb's statue lives another week. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: I shall continue to ride the sinking ship knows as the 2007 Chicago Bears. It's just me and Lovie right now, drinking out of coconuts and talking in pirate voices. Pick: Chicago

Minnesota at Dallas

Aaron: Were the Cowboys really talking trash after last week's annihilation vs. New England? Hard to believe the 'Boys were actually the less douchey of the two teams going into that game. They still are, but Dallas has closed the gap. Pick: Dallas

Joe: They're still the class of the NFC, and by a wide margin at that. Pick: Dallas

St. Louis at Seattle

Aaron: Rams QB Marc Bulger is back! Believe it or not that could actually be the difference. It won't be, but, damn could. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Shaun Alexander, you should be ashamed of yourself. Pick: Seattle

Pittsburgh at Denver

Aaron: The thought of this Steelers defense against the wonderfully shaky game of Broncos' QB Jay Cutler just warms the coldest corners of my heart. F*ck him up, guys. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: For the record, it's comments like Cam's that scared me away from starting Cutler on my fantasy team this week. Expect a call from my attorney if the Broncs light things up this week. Pick: Pittsburgh

Indianapolis at Jacksonville

Aaron: The Jags have beaten Atlanta, Kansas City, Denver and Houston. The smoke and mirrors act ends here. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: 'Specially if Joseph Addai is back. Not that we didn't all love Kenton Keith. Doesn't that sound like the name of an old jazz musician who the Huxtables would have known? ...No? Pick: Indianapolis

1 comment:

Jeff said...

As a loyal member of Rider Nation, I will not stand for slander of Kenton Keith.

Not when there is so much truth to him. From the insane (he fucked a teammate's wife) to the mundane (he stole curtains from the residence I lived in during training camp).

Shame on you.