Movie: Urban Legend (1998)
Director: Jamie Blanks
...Who Went On To Make: The David Boreanaz-starring horror flop Valentine. However, screenwriter Silvio Horta went to create both Jake 2.0 and Ugly Betty for television, so he obviously did okay.
First Impressions: Okay, this one I already knew was bad. This movie saw moderate success back in the post-Scream days when all you had to do was load up on pop-cultural references and WB TV stars and you had yourself a movie. This one I remember "fondly" only because I "called" the real killer about ten minutes in, thinking that was an actual accomplishment rather than just the inevitable broken clock being right twice a day. Anyway, the gore is muted and the plot is gimmicky (if instructive -- it led me to read up on urban legends, discover Snopes, and thus saved me a lot of heartache in the early days of the internet), but the worst thing about it is the cast of characters: pompous Jared Leto, killjoy Alicia Witt (I still can't believe they let Alicia Witt headline a movie and it was...this), smarmy Joshua Jackson, poor Rebecca Gayheart who gets saddled with all the worst lines, and an insufferable Michael Rosenbaum who doesn't die nearly soon or gorily enough. The only bright spots are Loretta Devine in full sass mode as the Foxy Brown-idolizing campus cop, and, shockingly enough, Tara Reid as the Marlboro-voiced sex bomb. No, she doesn't make it 'til the end.
Notable Edits: Thanks to Showtime, nope.
Scary Or Funny? Considering the so-called "comedy" consists of Jackson and Rosenbaum acting like smug little ass-monkeys, so I was all ready to resort to "scary." Then I remembered the climactic reveal of the killer and the over-the-top gesticulations and astonishingly hammy "acting" contained therein. That shit should be performed by drag queens every year.
Best Killing? John Neville getting impaled by the tire spikes in a parking garage was pretty cool, but not quite as sick as it could have been. 'Course, any movie that has the stones to cook a dog in a microwave is fine by me.
Future Airings: none this week
Previously: Hostel, Children of the Corn