Movie: Pet Sematary Two (1989)
Director: Mary Lambert
...Who Went On To Make: Nothing good, including Urban Legend: Bloody Mary. That being said, she did direct one of my favorite music videos of all time, Madonna's "Like A Prayer."
First Impressions: Ugh! Terrible. Rest assured, if the first Pet Sematary had been available on TV, I definitely would have watched that instead. Among the many things this movie suffers from, it certainly suffers from a lack of Fred Gwynne as the foreboding townie with the persistent warnings, so accurately (and randomly) parodied on South Park. This movie's just irritating, with maybe the worst sense of timing I've ever seen. None of the scary parts are scary and none of the funny parts are funny, mostly because the timing is off. Not even Clancy Brown's enthusiastic and floppy-haired performance can save us from the tidal wave of lame acting and crappily-rendered demonic animals. I don't even get the benefit of Edward Furlong's girly screeching, since apparently he'd crossed the puberty hump by the time he made this movie. I will say, I correctly called the way in which they'd recycle the original film's "dead is better" (well, "dead is bettah") mantra. Easily the worst I've seen all week.
Notable Edits: Anything that's remotely cool gets excised without anything to stand in its place. And early utterance of "dickwad" gets muted out entirely, even though the character's mouth spells it out perfectly.
Scary Or Funny? Neither.
Best Killing? I get the feeling that if I had watched the uncut version, the part where the bully's face gets caught up in the motorcycle tire would have been boss.
Future Airings: Monday, 2:00 PM (AMC)
Previously: Hellraiser, The Howling, The Frighteners, Urban Legend, Hostel, Children of the Corn