Monday, June 04, 2007
What You Need To Be Watching
Dudes. Pirate Master. Start watching it. It is blissfully terrible.
Your reasons to watch:
1 -- I'm still not sure what it's about, beyond being vauguely Survivor-ish but with the conceit that everyone is supposed to emulate pirates. Which serves as the culmination of Mark Burnett's utter hard-on for pirates that has been well established on Survivor over the years.
2 -- The host is Cameron Daddo. Who you may or may not remember from the short-lived and utterly terrible Melrose Place spinoff Models, Ince.
3 -- There is a contestant who works in Sales, who tries to tell us that his day job is just like piracy. Sure, he provides a service, he says, but also tries to "part you and your money." Yeah...in exchange for services, like you said. Which makes you not so much a pirate as a participant in a money-based capitalist society. But other than that! Love this guy.
4 -- One contestant, Rico Suave lookalike John, is captioned as a "Scientist/Exotic Dancer." Awesome. But he did manage to help his team win one challenge with what looked slightly like science, so I suppose there's something to that caption.
5 -- Christian Okoye, former running back for the Kansas City Chiefs and current brick wall, is one of the contestants. And nobody told me!
6 -- Burnett, of course, cast a Rupert lookalike, as you figured he would. Only this one isn't going to be able to sell "sweet and lovable" even for a second. He's mostly loud and kinda drunk.
7 -- I refuse to ruin it for you, but you'll thank me when you get to the part about the compasses.
As of right now, I think I'm rooting for Ben, the stoned surfer rocker dude, and Alexis, the bitch-on-wheels who works for a fashion publication. It's like rooting for Ryan Cabrera and Emily Blunt!