Thursday, December 21, 2006

Smooth Joey Apollo's NFL Picks: Week 16

Week 15 results:

Joe: 11-5
Aaron: 9-7

Season to date:

Joe: 120-78 (.606)
Aaron: 125-86 (.592)

Minnesota at Green Bay
Aaron: Our friends at the NFL Network are hyping this as possibly Brett Favre's "last game at Lambeau". And, for the next three years thru the 2009 season, ESPN, NBC and Fox have agreed to rotate the rights to Favre's next "last games at Lambeau". Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Seriously, people who keep teasing their retirement only to back off, then return, then semi-retire, then get dragged back, and then leave to start a blog play one more year are SO annoying. Pick: Green Bay

Kansas City at Oakland
Aaron: How did the Raiders get to be on national television four times this year? I expect Bryant Gumbel to use his show-ending sanctimonious rambling on Real Sports to explore this topic. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: Has he finally stopped ranting about figure skaters? I picked Oakland last week -- won't be making that mistake again. Take a long, hard look, Brady Quinn. This is your future. Pick: Kansas City

Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Has anyone explored why Ravens QB Steve McNair insists on keeping that little militant mini-afro? I'm pretty sure the last person to wear that hairstyle for so long was Todd Bridges' "Willis" on Diff'rent Strokes. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but...Steve McNair exited last week's game because he had stigmata, right? God help us all if that had happened to Brett Favre, Tom Brady, or Vince Young. We may not have made it out of Christmas season alive. Pick: Pittsburgh

Carolina at Atlanta
Aaron: Well, it's hard to pick the Falcons when their coach has already quit on them and is publicly accepting collegiate coaching openings that aren't even open. Watch Joe do it, anyway. Pick: Carolina

Joe: It's so easy when other people make my picks for me. Rot in hell, Chris Weinke. Pick: Atlanta

Chicago at Detroit
Aaron: The Bears' continued man-love for QB Rex Grossman will ensure them a first-round bye and a second-round elimination. Enjoy your next three games while you can, Superfans. Pick: Chicago

Joe: "Hey Tahhhd, you havin' anudder haaahrt attaaayck?" Gosh, I miss the days when the morbidly obese had the run of Saturday Night Live. Pick: Chicago

Indianapolis at Houston
Aaron: Last week, the Patriots got to take their frustration out on the Texans and this time, it's Peyton's turn. Save a playoff ticket at will-call for Eli! Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: This looks like the Colts' last chance to give Ricky Prohel -- patron saint of White Wideouts everywhere -- that 5 TD game he so richly deserves. Pick: Indianapolis

New England at Jacksonville
Aaron: Fun fact...whenever the Patriots and their depleted defense get run over by the Jaguars' resurgent running game, an angel gets her wings. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: I...actually agree. We're still playing under one-on, one-off rule of Jacksonville football, which means the Jags are due for a win. Pick: Jacksonville

New Orleans at NY Giants
Aaron: Drew Brees can kiss my Black ass. He sneakily waits until the first round of my fantasy playoffs to have his worst game of the year and ruin my 13-1 season. I know the Saints will win, but I'm not picking them. Never again. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: I'd have sympathy for you, but I think the Bears defense just now gave up another touchdown to goddamn Tampa Bay. All I'll say is...yikes for the Giants. Schedule's not being kind. Pick: New Orleans

Tampa Bay at Cleveland
Aaron: I will be spending Xmas Eve at my mom's house in LA, where the drinking will start at 10AM to coincide with the first NFL games of the day. How's 'bout you, Tampa Bay? Pick: Cleveland

Joe: Cleveland and I have had a stormy relationship this season. We're like a romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks and What Meg Ryan Used To Look Like where we're never in the same place at the same time. We'll see if a Festivus miracle can solve that. Pick: Cleveland

Tennessee at Buffalo
Aaron: I'm still not sure how Vince Young is winning games in this league, but I can't pick against him now. Enjoy all those close-ups of his snow-kissed oversized frontal lobe and chapped, ashy lips, Joe. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: I've said this a billion times this week, but I'm just happy to see Buffalo in a meaningful game in December. I've still yet to find one person who's actually going to this game, but I'm sure some hearty souls whose families have shunned them for acting like belligerent jackasses will be free on Christmas Eve. Should be a festive atmosphere. Pick: Buffalo

Washington at St. Louis
Aaron: Last week, the Skins beat the high-powered Saints and the Rams beat the lowly Raiders. And, according to Vegas and the point spreads, both wins were considered upsets. My point? Trust my picks, instead. Pick: St. Louis

Joe: No, YOU find a less compelling matchup on the schedule this week. Who's doing commentary on this one, two FOX PAs who neglected their Secret Santa duties? Pick: St. Louis

Arizona at San Francisco
Aaron: I'm pretty sure I haven't picked a 49ers game right all season, so whatever you do, don't trust my pick. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Will do, sir. Pick: Arizona

Cincinnati at Denver
Aaron: Somewhere in here there's an analogy about Cinderella/Cincinnati, the glass slipper and the clock striking midnight...but, damned if I can finish it. Pick: Denver

Joe: From my Bills fan perspective, I think I'm just rooting against a tie. Pick: Cincinnati

San Diego at Seattle
Aaron: As a Raiders fan, it's time to start rootin' for injuries! Go for LT's knees, Lofa Tatupu, go for LT's knees! Pick: San Diego

Joe: You're right -- Raiders fans DO get an unfairly bad reputation throughout the league. Pick: San Diego

Philadelphia at Dallas
Aaron: While I don't loathe T.O. as much as most of the unwashed masses, I'll admit I'm rooting for Jeff Garcia to lead the Eagles to a personal revenge win on Kwanzaa Eve. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: Here's my question, if T.O. had 15 million reasons not to kill himself, does he have 15 million reasons to win on Sundays? Or is that not reason enough. I'm unclear on the reasons=dollars conversion chart. Pick: Philadelphia

NY Jets at Miami
Aaron: The egg nog will have to be good and rummy for me to sit through this one. Then again, the alternative is spending time with my family. Sooo torn. Pick: Miami

Joe: Who cares, the Bills just got finished WHOOPING THEM BOTH. Eat it, AFC East Besides New England! Pick: Miami

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