That's right, back again to allow you to feel superior to someone else based solely on our tastes in music, here's my personal list for Best Songs I Heard On The Radio Or MTV Hitz Or Maybe In A Commercial Or On A TV Show This Year. Eighteen songs is because I wanted it to be at least conceivable that all the songs could fit onto one Best of 2006 CD. But then I went and cheated in two instances, which means I really could have just made it a top twenty. Fascinating stuff, eh? ONTO THE LIST:
18. Fiona Apple - "Not About Love"
I bought Etraordinary Machine last year as a Christmas present from myself to myself. And while I was immediately enamored with "Get Him Back" and "Better Version of Me," this is the song I think of when I think of the album. Plus, as evidenced by my fondness for "Fast As You Can," I do enjoy when Fiona gets to the fast-talkin'.
17. Kelis - "Bossy"
The absolute perfect song if all you want to do is tell the rest of the world to kiss your everlovin' ass.
16. Beyoncé - "Irreplaceable"
A late entry, sneaking in just as the year is signing off, but this is easily the best Beyoncé has been in quite a long time, and the latest in a long, proud tradition of awesome kiss-off songs. Plus, I secretly desire to be in a room full of strangers all shouting "To the left, to the left," in unison.
15. OK, Go - "Here It Goes Again"
It's so much more than a video with treadmills! Okay, well it's a little more than just that video with the treadmills. But it was a fantastic video, was it not?
14. Shakira f/ Wyclef Jean - "Hips Don't Lie"
The first time I heard this song -- on American Idol, no less -- I absolutely knew this'd be a hot club jam this summer. And it was maybe THE song of the summer, only eclipsed by another song on this list.
13. Christina Aguilera - "Ain't No Other Man"
So nice to see Christina back and showing all the other girls how it's done. She's totally not fooling anybody with this classy Etta James stuff, but I'm not sure she's trying to. I think she's merely taking a ho sabbatical. Xtina will be back soon enough.
12. Scissor Sisters - "I Don't Feel Like Dancing"
See, Alanis? THAT'S irony.
11. Panic! At The Disco - "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" / "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"
The former was brilliant but got a little overplayed. The latter is a maddening combination of adolescent egocentrism and inappropriate hotness. Seriously, kid, you're sixteen. Stop breathing into my ear. On the plus side, I have to give it up for any band that would mine Natalie Portman's Closer dialogue for song titles.
10. Daniel Powter - "Bad Day"
IN MY DEFENSE, this list is all about the songs I think of when I look back on the year, and I couldn't well escape this one, now could I? Not with it cropping up every time American Idol spat another wannabe out onto the boulevard of broken dreams. Strictly speaking, it's not an entirely awful song. But I still twitch when I hear it.
09. The Fray - "Over My Head"
This was another one that was much better before it got run into the ground. "How To Save A Life" also may have made the list if a certain roommate hasn't chosen it as her ever-present ringtone.
08. Justin Timberlake - "Sexyback"
Took a little bit to catch on to what was going on here, but once I did? Divine. Plus, it made it fun to tell random people to get their sexy on. Thanks, Justin!
07. Fergie - "Fergalicious"
Everyone I knew who scoffed at my fondness for Black Eyed Peas further baffled me by all hopping on the "London Bridge" bandwagon. That song never did much for me, but this? Is the JAM! Even if the one Black Eyed Pea consistently misspells "tasty."
06. Pink - "U + UR Hand"
Ignoring the supremely irritating Prince-ification of the title's spelling, this song is so badass, I can't even begin. Pink tends to run hot and cold with me, but I can't remember the last time I liked one of her songs this much. The year's second-best kiss-off song, lyrics-wise, even if I prefer it to Beyoncé's as an overall tune.
05. Gnarls Barkley - "Crazy"
I feel like a better music fan when I listen to this song. Like all my shallow and pop-heavy proclivities have finally paid off in something hip and cool. This song goes places few others even try to go, and I can't even explain what that means without cracking a textbook. Suffice it to say: body parts get moving when it comes on.
04. Nelly Furtado - "Promiscuous" / "Maneater"
As if they were my own children, I cannot choose between them. "Promiscuous" was a filthily addictive summer jam -- besting even Shakira -- that turned Nelly into everyone's favorite tramp. I love tramps! "Meaneater," meanwhile, resulted in a rather embarrassing misheard lyric that lead to be blurting out "make your cock hard!" in the middle of a bar. But it does kind of sound like she at least should be saying "make your cock hard," right? Whatever, my lyrics rule!
03. All-American Rejects - "Move Along"
The video gives me motion sickness, but the song itself is another in a rather long line of AAM songs to rope me in. I think I would have made for a fantastic moody sixteen-year-old in 2006. To wit...
02. Fall Out Boy - "Dance, Dance"
Hey, I'm as surprised as you are. After "Sugar, We're Going Down," I figured we were looking at a one-hit wonder. And "Dance, Dance" seemed so slight and ummemorable. But then that bass line got stuck in my head. And Pete Wentz kept being the most awesome petulant teenager in the universe. And they went on that fantastic Natalie Portman-hosted SNL and were pretty badass. And then I fell in love with this song, hardcore.
01. The Killers - "When You Were Young"
"Mr. Brightside" took top honors for me last year, though in retrospect, I probably should have gone with Kelly Clarkson, not that that debate is anything more than two ass-kicking songs jockeying for position. "When You Were Young," however, stands head and shoulders at the top of this list. How did this song never really catch on anywhere? I don't get it. I can't stop listening to it. Even Brandon Flowers's atonal warbling on the chorus is super-endearing. And I get chills every time I hear "And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live/ When you were young." You know what? Let everyone else sleep on this song. I'll keep it for myself.