Thursday, November 30, 2006

Smooth Joey Apollo's NFL Picks: Week 13

Apparently, I have to catch up on how we've been doing:

Week 11 results:

Joe: 8-8
Aaron: 10-6

Week 12 results:

Joe: 9-7
Aaron: 13-3

Season to date:

Joe: 89-61 .593
Aaron: 99-64 .607

(Dammit! He's retaken the lead!)

Week 13 picks:

Baltimore at Cincinnati
Aaron: I’m guessing Joe will be quite surprised to hear that there’s a Thursday game this week. It’s kind of like how we were all surprised to see that Joe remembered he had a blog, this week. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Crap! I knew there was a reason you turned this in early. Oh, and by the way: I can't see this game this week. Suck it hard, Time Warner. Pick: Cincinnati

Arizona at St. Louis
Aaron: So Cards’ QB Matt Leinart has already been supplanted as pro football’s favorite faux celebrity by Cowboys’ QB Tony Romo. Still, Leinart’s got that whole “baby mama drama” angle, so that puts him a step ahead of Romo…and seven steps behind Shawn Kemp. (Who? Never mind.) Pick: St. Louis

Joe: For some weird reason, I see this as a game where Leinart straps his team on his back and throws four TD passes on the way to their third and final win of the season. Pick: Arizona

Atlanta at Washington
Aaron: The Michael Vick double-bird to the taunting Falcon fans just made my week. And, where’s Michael Eric Dyson or Scoop Jackson to analyze the whole “Black man booed by (mostly) Black fans” dynamic? Those 2,000 words won’t write themselves, guys. Pick: Washington

Joe: And now that he's freed from his apathetic-except-when-it's-time-to-Tomahawk-chop crowd, he'll actually win a game. Pick: Atlanta

Detroit at New England
Aaron: It’s just about time for the Pats to make their five-week push for the #2 seed in the playoffs. Look for variations of the “we don’t get no respect” card to be played every week from now until mid-January. Pick: New England

Joe: This Detroit team mystifies me: good quarterback, very good running back, very good wide receivers, what's mis-- oh. Yes. Pick: New England

Indianapolis at Tennessee
Aaron: Did Vince Young actually look like an NFL QB vs. the Giants last Sunday or did the Giants’ collapse make Young look better than he is? This has one of those weird 18-17 scores written all over it. Aaron’s Upset Special ™ Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Wow. One Titans upset pick and Cam thinks he's got a pony he can keep riding, huh? On another note, Joseph Addai's four touchdown performance was my favorite fantasy football day of all time. Pick: Indianapolis

Kansas City at Cleveland
Aaron: My fantasy team is 12-0 and Chiefs’ RB Larry Johnson is back in my good graces. And, since this one will likely be played in an arctic marsh, go with the team who’s got the better runner. Besides, I f*cking hate Drew Carey. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: The man makes a good point sometimes. But I've decided that the Browns will be my Tennessee Titans this year. As soon as I correctly call one of their wins. Pick: Cleveland

Minnesota at Chicago
Aaron: Never really got the allure of November/December football outdoors in the cold. It’s romanticized to death by the locals, but I’d have a lot more respect for the guy at the game who says, “F this, I can’t feel my fingers.” Pick: Chicago

Joe: Pussy. "Can't feel my fingers" is, like, stage 1. "Can't feel my kidneys" is where the men play. Pick: Chicago

N.Y. Jets at Green Bay
Aaron: OK…at what point is Brett Favre at 50% health actually hurting his team? Admittedly, the next option is the 3rd string QB, but is Favre actively trying to be in a wheelchair by 40? Pick: NY Jets

Joe: They may not even need Favre, as the Jets run defense could give Ahman Green that one big rushing day of the season. Pick: Green Bay

San Diego at Buffalo
Aaron: I didn’t realize how big a story that last week’s TV blackout in Buffalo was until our local paper (some 3000 miles away) ran a two-page spread on it. Joe, let me know if you want me to DVR this one for you. I’ll save it for your visit to San Diego…someday. Pick: San Diego

Joe: I was on a train at the time, so I didn't notice. I may notice the slaughtering the Bills get this week, though. And just when we were making the "Other teams" designation when ESPN shows the playoff picture. Pick: San Diego

San Francisco at New Orleans
Aaron: Anyone else remember when both Bay Area football teams stunk? Seems like only Week #1. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Still picking against the Saints, eh? Drew Brees's birth mark will stalk you in your sleep. Pick: New Orleans

Houston at Oakland
Aaron: So, the Raiders covered the spread last week and scored two touchdowns and reward the staff by demoting the offensive coordinator. If I may paraphrase Sideshow Bob, ”The Al Davis, The… Pick: Houston

Joe: Al looks like he might "The" any day now. Let's not repeat the Ralph Wiley incident, Cam. Pick: Houston

Jacksonville at Miami
Aaron: 12 days off and a home game for the Fins? If I were one of those mafia-made prognosticators who sleaze their way onto the USA Network at 6:30 AM on Saturday and Sunday mornings, I’d be calling the Dolphins my lock of the week. Pick: Miami

Joe: Blast! I hate when he makes logical sense. Pick: Miami

Dallas at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: So, has the in-season retirement and/or the coach bashing and/or the lack of production when he does get the ball soured any of you on Teflon Tiki Barber, yet? I hate that guy. Always have. Pick: Dallas

Joe: The man gives a good chest-bump in TV commercials, dude. I'm more worried that Sean Salsbury will show up at Eli Manning's house and poke him right in the eye. People are a liiiittle to happy to be able to hate the guy. Pick: Dallas

Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Take the under. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Take the home team. Pick: Pittsburgh

Seattle at Denver
Aaron: Let me get this straight: All the Broncos are asking is for new QB Jay Cutler to be better than Jake Plummer? Way to raise that bar, Coach Shanahan. Pick: Denver

Joe: Hey, Shanahan's just trying to keep the smoke and mirrors act alive so that no one notices that he's yet to conjure up a running back out of thin air and turn him into a thousand-yard rusher this season. Pick: Denver

Carolina at Philadelphia
Aaron: Just stay in the parking lot, Philly fans. Your hearts should be able to handle three more hours of grilled German sausages and Cheez-Whiz much better than four quarters of Jeff Garcia. Pick: Carolina

Joe: I think I would hate to be a Carolina Panthers fan most of all. Sickly talented, yet they only seem to put forth an effort every other week. Then I remembered that the fans in Charlotte don't care about anything besides NASCAR anyway. Pick: Carolina


aaron c. said...

Any chance that my eerily accurate prediction on the Titans/Colts game could count as five wins to make up for all the other ones I got wrong and you got right?

No? To hell with you, then.

Joe R. said...

Hey, I'm too busy writing an apology note to Vince Young to worry about you. Dammit.