Thursday, November 23, 2006

Smooth Joey Apollo's NFL Picks: Week 12

Miami at Detroit
Aaron: It’s the “Dolphins QB Joey Harrington returns to Detroit for the first time” storyline. How has ESPN not given this angle the T.O. treatment all week? 9:30 AM start time out west will challenge my liver by dinner time. Pick: Miami

Joe: Well, I'm out of town, it's a holiday weekend, and I'm pretty drunk right now. Let's fire off these NFL picks with a bare minimum of typos, shall we? Pick: Detroit

Tampa Bay at Dallas
Aaron: Let’s see…called Cowboys (chuckle) “upset” of Colts last week? Check. Called Dallas “best team in NFC East” and was proven right (despite Joe’s righteous indignation)? Check. Kneel before Zod, Joe. Kneel! Pick: Dallas

Joe: Tough talk for a Raider fan. Yeah, I got nothing. Pick: Dallas

Denver at Kansas City
Aaron: Thanks to the war between my cable company and the NFL Network, I won’t get to watch this game as my pecan pie and sweet potato pie double-Black folk-desserts rests uncomfortably on my belly. I’ll be spending my time scanning the Wal-Mart ads looking for a $19 DVD player to buy at 5AM this Friday. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: Yeah, we're bereft of NFL network in B-Lo, too. Time Warner can suck my pecan pie. Pick: Denver

Arizona at Minnesota
Aaron: Cards coach Denny Green returns to Minnesota for the last time…as an employed man. Looking forward to watching Green and Dusty Baker sitting on lawn chairs on a street corner in Brooklyn on the hottest day of the year sometime next summer. Radio Raheem, R.I.P. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: With special guest, Art Shell as "Mother Sister"! Pick: Minnesota

Carolina at Washington
Aaron: So, the return of Joe Gibbs has been a complete and colossal failure in Washington? Wow, didn’t see that coming. I’ll be recycling this line next week to describe the “Art Shell coaching Oakland” situation. Stay tuned for that. Pick: Carolina

Joe: Ha ha! Beat you to the Art Shell joke! Pick: Carolina

Cincinnati at Cleveland
Aaron: I can’t figure the Bengals out: chokers vs. San Diego and inspiring vs. New Orleans. Fortunately, Cleveland sucks, so this one will be easy for me. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Here's how it works -- I pick Cleveland and they blow a late lead and lose in a heartbreaker. Let's see if it happens again. Pick: Cleveland

Houston at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: Y’know, unless a couple of teams show up and bury the Jets, we could be looking at one of those 5-1 stretch runs that puts them in the playoffs. Are they really that good? No. And, they won’t go 5-1 the rest of the way, either. Pick: NY Jets

Joe: You wouldn't think it possible, but Houston's about to face a team that's even worse against the run. Still can't pick the Texans on the road, though. Pick: NY Jets

Jacksonville at Buffalo
Aaron: Joe mocks me any time I bring up the weather in Western New York, so I’ll just say that the Jaguars are the Jamaican bobsled team and this game is that scene in “Cool Runnings” where Leon & Co. walk out of the airport and onto the streets of Calgary. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: Maybe it's the lager talking, but I'm feeling optimistic about my boys. Though the game is blacked out locally, and aside from one glaring exception (the Houston playoff comeback), those never end well. Pick: Buffalo

New Orleans at Atlanta
Aaron: Saints QB Drew Brees is single-handedly carrying my fantasy team. Now, I’m forced to hope that I was wrong, wrong, wrong about the collapse I’ve been calling all year in New Orleans. Lousy road games. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: Silly Cam'ron. Games in Atlanta aren't "road" games. Particularly when you're already a dome team. Pick: New Orleans

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Aaron: I think the league should just strip the “defending” champions of their Super Bowl title and get it over with. Although, the Steelers play likely means that Bill Cowher will be shamed into coming back next year to “make things right”. Wait and see. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Shut up, Baltimore. Pick: Pittsburgh

San Francisco at St. Louis
Aaron: I gave Joe the space to take the 49ers last week and he passed. Result: SF beats Seattle. Sorry, Reid, but this week the Niners are all mine. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: And you're welcome to them. I have a feelong this is one of Torry Holt's 9-for-167, 2 TDs games. Pick: St. Louis

Oakland at San Diego
Aaron: Yep…I’m really looking forward to going into work on Monday…in San Diego. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Duck and cover, Oaktown. Pick: San Diego

Chicago at New England
Aaron: All signs point to the Bears gutting the Pats like the funny-talking choads that they are, but I can’t shake this feeling that New England ain’t dead yet. Tell you what, Bears…if you maim Tom Brady, we’ll call it even. Pick: New England

Joe: Hee. "funny-taking choads." I'll vote with my heart. Pick: Chcago

N.Y. Giants at Tennessee
Aaron: Well, it took me 10 weeks, but I’ve finally turned on Eli Manning and benched him on my fantasy team. I still think Vince Young throws like a girl, but someone decided to wake up on that Titans defense and, since they’re at home… Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Dudes, it's late and I'm tired. Pick: NY Giants

Philadelphia at Indianapolis
Aaron: B’bye, playoff football in Philadelphia this January. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Word. Pick: Indianapolis

Green Bay at Seattle
Aaron: While Seattle fights for their playoff lives, the overriding storyline is whether or not Brett Favre will keep his games played streak alive. Keep us informed, Peter King. Keep us informed. Pick: Seattle

Joe: So long as he keeps Donald Driver's fantasy stats perky, I'm mellow on Favre this week. Pick: Seattle

No comments: