Sunday, November 19, 2006

Smooth Joey Apollo's NFL Picks: Week 11

Week 10 results:

Joe: 7-9
Aaron: 10-6

Season to date:

Joe: 72-46 (.610)
Aaron: 76-55 (.580)

Atlanta at Baltimore
Aaron: And, that should just about do it for the "Will this be the year it all comes together for Michael Vick?" question and answer portion of our season. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: I've started to have nightmares about the 2006 Ravens. I'm wandering a labyrinthine boiler room as Steve McNair stalks me and drags his razor-fingers along the metal pipes. And they just won't die. Pick: Baltimore

Buffalo at Houston
Aaron: How 'bout that "NFL Parity"? Remember when 3-6 was the season-ending apocalypse? Now, it's just one good month from a #6 playoff seed. Pick: Houston

Joe: This is the kind of marquee matchup that has me considering catching a movie this Sunday afternoon. Pick: Buffalo

Chicago at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: I got a lot more satisfaction out of the Bears' throttling of the Giants, last week, than I thought I would. Do I hate Jersey *that* much? Meh, only Springsteen. Oh, no I did-n't! Pick: Chicago

Joe: Did the Bears just stay in East Rutherford all week? That's certainly an ill-fitting reward for the first-place team in the NFC. (Prize to the second-place team? Two weeks in East Rutherford!) Pick: Chicago

Cincinnati at New Orleans
Aaron: The Bengals crapped the bed in epic fashion last week vs. San Diego, so I can't, in good conscience, pick 'em this week. In another week or so, I'll stealthily slide over to the Saints bandwagon where I'll claim to have been all year. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: On the bright side for the Bengals...nah. I got nothing. Pick: New Orleans

Minnesota at Miami
Aaron: I've had the Dolphins defense on my fantasy team all year and just realized that they've been lights out the last month or so. I'm starting them this week, which means Vikings QB Brad Johnson goes off like a 1958 Bart Starr or, more recently, a 1959 Brett Favre. Pick: Miami

Joe: I must apologize to Dolphins fans -- I forgot that Chris Chambers isn't ever worth a damn until I waive him from my fantasy team, which I did two weeks ago. My bad, y'all! Hope you can recover your season. Pick: Miami

New England at Green Bay
Aaron: I haven't watched much Sportscenter lately, but can I assume that the "Tom Brady's first visit to Lambeau Field" angle has been, uh...significantly addressed? If not, I'm sure "NFL Countdown" will cover the other 800 unexplored angles of "Tom in Green Bay" in their first hour. Pick: New England

Joe: Ah, a rematch of the worst Super Bowl ever. Look, don't blame me. I'm not the one who named a kick returner the MVP. If I had any guts, I'd pick the Packer upset. Sadly, I do not. Pick: New England

Oakland at Kansas City
Aaron: With Tony Gonzalez out and Trent Green getting his his first start in months, Larry Johnson just might set the NFL rushing record. Even with the caveat that every yard gained vs. Oakland should only count as 30 inches. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: The "Don't Pick Oakland" rule? Still in effect. Pick: Kansas City

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Aaron: Seriously, how many 3-6 teams are in this league? Enjoy your twice-a-year blood feud, Ohio and Pennsylvania. America mocks your Amish ways and cholesterol-laden diets. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: I'm confident that the Browns will learn the lesson the Saints failed to last week: you should probably tackle Willie Parker. Sometimes it takes the league a week or two to catch up to you. It's what we call the Why Doug Flutie Can't Put Two Consecutive Good Seasons Together rule. Pick: Cleveland

St. Louis at Carolina
Aaron: Let's see...whenever the Panthers have absolutely needed a win to build momentum, a win streak, whatever...they've lost. Us football experts call this a "coincidence". Pick: St. Louis

Joe: On the other hand, the Rams can't play defense. Pick: Carolina

Tennessee at Philadelphia
Aaron: I'd just like to see Donovan McNabb get pissed off. Just once. Show some emotion...anything that lets us know that he cares that the Eagles season is slipping away. Oh, and I'd like him to lose the receding hairline, braids 'n' cornrows look. Yikes. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: In the mood for a chuckle on a Sunday afternoon? Check out Vince Young's stat line. 8-for-17, 146 yards, 52 yards rushing and a touchdown. But he sure was awesome in that Rose Bowl, huh? Pick: Philadelphia

Washington at Tampa Bay
Aaron: I saw a magazine ad, just this week, that featured Phil Simms and his equally albino son, Chris, touting the merits of green tea. I sincerely hope that when my son is 25, he no longer needs to suckle from the teet that is my internet celebrity. Pick: Washington

Joe: So, wait a second. The Skins are starting Ladell Betts at running back and some guy named Jason Campbell at QB? On the road? Against a team with a decent defense? Yeah, should work out fine. Pick: Tampa Bay

Detroit at Arizona
Aaron: 'Zona has gotta stop the bleeding sometime, so why not now? They're at home and...well, they're at home. Pick: Arizona

Joe: They're probably due, but I'm still smarting from all those other times I picked the Cards. Pick: Detroit

Seattle at San Francisco
Aaron: It seems that whenever Reid needs an "upset", he goes and calls another 49ers win. So g'head, Joe. I'm giving you this one. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Meh. You can keep your pity pick. I'm sticking with Seneca Wallace. Pick: Seattle

Indianapolis at Dallas
Aaron: The make-believe genius of Bill Parcells gets another 12-month lease, as the Cowboys end the Colts perfect season. Geez, I'm talking like one of the "Sports Reporters" giving their "parting shot" on ESPN. As long as I'm not Mike Lupica. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Rest easy, Cam. If you were Mike Lupica, I'd have killed you already. Pick: Indianapolis

San Diego at Denver
Aaron: That SD defense has stunk it up over the last four weeks, but Denver's hasn't been much better. Meanwhile, the Chargers' offense has been insane, while the Broncos "O" has been...wait for it...offensive. What? You think Joe saves his A-material for this unpaid blog? Pick: San Diego

Joe: Can I enthuse for a moment about how wonderful it has been to have LaDanian Tomlinson on my fantasy team? If I were Bill Simmons, I'd make some pandering comparison about how having Tomlinson on my team is like having a girlfriend who enjoys giving blowjobs every day. Good to know his readers never seem to tire o comparing their cough girlfriends to sporting events. Pick: Denver

N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville
Aaron: This week, SI amended their preseason predictions and called the NY Giants as the NFC champs. Methinks when you're not the best team in your own division, you don't get the automatic Super Bowl invite. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Okay, the Cowboys? Not better than the Giants. Not quite. Pick: NY Giants

1 comment:

jessica said...

Wait. Aaron, are you saying Joe doesn't put his A-material on this blog??