Friday, November 10, 2006

Smooth Joey Apollo's NFL Picks: Week 10

Week 9 results:

Joe: 8-6
Aaron: 8-6

Season to date:

Joe: 65-37 (.637)
Aaron: 66-49 (.574)

Baltimore at Tennessee
Aaron: Is that really Ravens LB Ray Lewis on the cover of the latest SI posing in a prayer position and gazing to the heavens? Wasn’t he on trial for murder a few years ago and only got off when he turned snitch on his own posse? But, now he’s found God, so open up those gates, St. Peter! Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Once again, Aaron steals all my picks before I can make them. What the hell? You'd think there was suddenly a disadvantage to procrastinating writing something until the last minute. Anyway, check out me being a contrarian. Pick: Tennessee

Buffalo at Indianapolis
Aaron: Funny thing with Peyton Manning, as I’m rooting for him to get a ring and shut up everyone who spends every other week writing 10,000 words on why they’d rather have Tom Brady. When he gets that ring, I’ll be forced to retroactively loathe him for the 20 different commercials that push his vanilla mug into my living room every Sunday. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Dare I hope that the Bills can repeat Miami's taking down of an undefeated and superior team on the road? Indy may be up for a letdown after the Pats game and all. I'm much closer to making the homer pick that I thought I might be. On the other hand: yikes. No. Pick: Indianapolis

Cleveland at Atlanta
Aaron: It’d be nice if I could take some pride in calling Atlanta’s upset loss in Detroit last week, but I still trail Joe by about 500 winning percentage points. The Falcons are frauds and if this one was in Cleveland…but, it’s not. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: I actually thought the same thing -- if Cleveland's at home, they win this game. But they're not, which means Algae Crumpler scores another six touchdowns en route to a Falcons win. Pick: Atlanta

Green Bay at Minnesota
Aaron: The “Brett Favre Fall from Grace” tour continues this week. If Joe or I were illiterate, unshaven white quarterbacks full of grit and gumption, would we live forever? Discuss. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Hasn't Favre historically been pretty successful at the Metrodome? More importantly, have the Vikings at all indicated when they intend to start playing football again? Pick: Green Bay

Houston at Jacksonville
Aaron: This game is for everyone who sh*ts on baseball’s perceived “solely regional” appeal and professes to be able to watch “any game” regardless of the participants. Enjoy. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Jacksonville's actually been a decently fun team to watch this season. They seem to have solidly planted themselves below the unbeaten Colts and above the dregs of the AFC South division, and I don't think they'll be budging from that position. Pick: Jacksonville

Kansas City at Miami
Aaron: Justify my love, Larry Johnson. Justify my love. And, if this were 1991, that “justify…” line would’ve been dope. Just like the use of the word “dope”. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: I suppose it makes more sense than "My baby's got a secret, Larry Johnson. My baby's got a secret." Pick: Kansas City

N.Y. Jets at New England
Aaron: Just to summarize Bill Simmons’ next column: Last Sunday’s game vs. Indy was a “big game” before it was played, but since the Pats lost, it’s meaningless compared to playing in January, when the Pats always win. Except last January. Pick: New England

Joe: The column he actually wrote was just as good: "What a crazy, mixed-up world we live in where my team is no longer the best!" Pick: New England

San Diego at Cincinnati
Aaron: Memo to Bengals WR Chad Johnson: You keep right on pouting through a season of double-teams and missed opportunity. Meanwhile, T.J. Houshmandzadeh can continue to fill out my fantasy league roster with his unique blend of TD catches and superfluous consonants. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Making this pick goes against almost everything I believe in. San Diego is the better team, with the better players, and the better chance of getting a job at a public school. But I need to get some separation somewhere. Damn you, Cameron. Pick: Cincinnati

San Francisco at Detroit
Aaron: So, one of the richest and most vibrant cities in America can’t build a new stadium for the 49ers, but Detroit can build one for the Lions? Thank Allah that no one in the Motor City could spell “misplaced priorities” if you spotted them the first 15 letters. Pick: Detroit

Joe: Okay, so it's pretty rough in Detroit. But I saw this movie one time, and apparently there are numerous opportunities for down and out Detroit youths to make their fortune via back-alley battle rapping. Don't see that in San Francisco. Pick: Detroit

Washington at Philadelphia
Aaron: Wow. 15 years ago, it was Randall Cunningham who presided over several hot Eagles starts, followed by eventual collapse. Glad to see Donovan McNabb following suit. All Donovan needs now is an inexplicably dense flattop haircut and someone to take a steam iron to his nose to complete the imitation. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe:On the other hand, Washington is coming off a win so improbable, the score tracker refused to acknowledge it for, like, half an hour. Pick: Philadelphia

Denver at Oakland
Aaron: If my A’s do leave town, the Raiders can have that 60,000-seat toilet all to themselves. The 22,000 people who still go to games there will be pleased. Pick: Denver

Joe: Note to other NFL teams that are not Pittsburgh: consider covering Javon Walker from now on. Honestly. Pick: Denver

Dallas at Arizona
Aaron: With the inevitable dismissal of Arizona’s Denny Green, the NFL will be down to just one inept, chunky Negro coach. You keep on motionlessly carrying that torch, Art Shell. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Did I hear correctly that Tony Romo is dating Jessica Simpson? Man, is Tony Eason ever bitter that he apparently had a shot with Amy Locane back in 1990. Pick: Dallas

New Orleans at Pittsburgh
Aaron: OK, at this point, I’m just going to stubbornly pick against the Saints until that collapse I’ve been calling since Week #5 actually happens. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: This is a trap game, it's true, but after watching Hines Ward's aerial fumble en route to the goal line last week, I'm confident the Steelers will find a way to lose this one. Pick: New Orleans

St. Louis at Seattle
Aaron: This past Monday, Seneca Wallace led Seattle past the Raiders. Yep, a man who sounds like he shares his name with a flavor of Fresca beat my team. This must be what it felt like to get pistol whipped by Marion “Suge” Knight. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Somewhere in douchebag America, Vanilla Ice just said "word!" to something you posted, Cam. Live with that one. Pick: St. Louis

Chicago at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: Take a look at those Eli Manning stats. They’ve been steadily going in the wrong direction for about a month, now. If the Bears were still undefeated, I’d pick New York, but the Bears are mad and they hate that “This is Sportscenter” spot with the entire Manning family. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Amani Toomer AND Michael Strahan are out for this game? Brandon Jacobs can't carry this team all by himself, you know. Pick: Chicago

Tampa Bay at Carolina
Aaron: What’s the over/under on how many times ESPN’s cameras show us Jon Gruden’s scrunched-up freckly face on the sidelines during the game? I’m setting the line at 150. Pick: Carolina

Joe: No more than the number of times the Deadspin commenters will reference the Carolina Panthers lesbian cheerleaders. For more information on that story, Google "Shit that was funny for a week in 2005 before everyone forgot about it." Pick: Carolina

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