Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Stage Four of Her Master Plan...I Mean: Sad News, Y'all!

Reese and Ryan are calling it quits!

Couple observations on this one:

1) Bummer! They were such an attractive red carpet presence!

2) Now that Reese has become a box office hitmaker and won her Oscar, we all knew the next step in her plan for world domination would be a high-profile divorce. And since adopting a third-world baby is kind of out of fashion right now (thank you very much, MADONNA), she might just move right into marrying Barack Obama and making a run at First Lady. Nah, fuck that: President.

3) Shirley MacLaine must be so disappointed! She was having so much fun getting drunk with them at the Golden Globes last year, as you can see in the photo above.

4) Will Ryan start getting those sympathy Oscar nominations that came to Gwyneth Paltrow and Nicole Kidman after their high-profile breakups?

5) Or, more likely, how soon until Ryan and Jake Gyllenhall get photographed doing kamikaze shots in their boxer shorts at Matthew McConaughey's kegger on the UT Austin campus?

6) I'm placing my bets on Reese in the "First to Oprah" derby.

7) If I'm Ryan, I'm NOT contesting the settlement. At least if I know what's good for me. Bad things tend to happen to people who cross his wife.

8) Call me Reese! We can get drunk and gossip bitterly about your hot-ass ex-husband. Speaking of which...call me, Ryan!


JORIII said...

It's all very sad but I see a cat fight in your future if you try taking my man Ryan!!

NYOne said...

My question is does this make the Best Actress Oscar a greater or lesser predictor of imminent marital failure than an MTV reality show?
Also, totally true about the Natalie Portman/FOB SNL ep. I caught it in that 3:00am timeslot (after regular SNL and Showtime at the Apollo) a few months ago and found myself not only still awake but actually laughing. Plus the guitar player from FOB is totes cute.

Joe R. said...

Hold on, Charlize and Stuart are still together, aren't they? AREN'T THEY??

Trey said...

Heh. As far as I know.

But Shirley MacLaine's face in that picture...is heaven.

adam k. said...

Oh NO. This makes me really sad. I had no idea this was coming... they seemed so happy together at the oscars. And Reese actually seems to me like the type who'd FIGHT to keep her marriage going, damn it, cause divorce is a sign of weakness. I don't think she wanted this to happen, I just think Ryan got fed up with Mr. Witherspoon.

But is he really that far below her on the totem pole? He was after all in last year's Best (er, sort of) Picture. And a best picture nominee before that. Can REESE say that? No. She mostly just makes crappy romantic comedies.