Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Stage Four of Her Master Plan...I Mean: Sad News, Y'all!
Reese and Ryan are calling it quits!
Couple observations on this one:
1) Bummer! They were such an attractive red carpet presence!
2) Now that Reese has become a box office hitmaker and won her Oscar, we all knew the next step in her plan for world domination would be a high-profile divorce. And since adopting a third-world baby is kind of out of fashion right now (thank you very much, MADONNA), she might just move right into marrying Barack Obama and making a run at First Lady. Nah, fuck that: President.
3) Shirley MacLaine must be so disappointed! She was having so much fun getting drunk with them at the Golden Globes last year, as you can see in the photo above.
4) Will Ryan start getting those sympathy Oscar nominations that came to Gwyneth Paltrow and Nicole Kidman after their high-profile breakups?
5) Or, more likely, how soon until Ryan and Jake Gyllenhall get photographed doing kamikaze shots in their boxer shorts at Matthew McConaughey's kegger on the UT Austin campus?
6) I'm placing my bets on Reese in the "First to Oprah" derby.
7) If I'm Ryan, I'm NOT contesting the settlement. At least if I know what's good for me. Bad things tend to happen to people who cross his wife.
8) Call me Reese! We can get drunk and gossip bitterly about your hot-ass ex-husband. Speaking of which...call me, Ryan!