Friday, June 09, 2006

That Lovable Hate-Monger

So, as has been reported and alluded to everywhere (including the post previous to this!), horse-faced she-beast Ann Coulter dragged her bony ass onto the Today show and, among other things, made clear she was opposed to Proposition 305 ("Moochin' war widows..."). As hard as it is to fathom how anyone could imagine that going on TV and rail against the 9/11 widows is a good way to sell a book, I wonder if Ann may simply be unveiling phase one of a multi-tiered plan designed to turn herself into the most despised woman in America. I mean, it got Paris Hilton a record deal, right?

So in the coming weeks, look for Coulter to speak out against the following:

-- Babies

-- Puppy dogs

-- A mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day.

-- The snooze button.

-- Ice cream

-- Casual Fridays

-- Rainbows

-- Sandra Bullock

-- Fall foliage

-- Unconditional love

-- Milkshakes

-- The other side of the pillow

-- Flowers

-- The last 10 minutes of Field of Dreams

-- A salty ocean breeze

-- Laughter

This all should serve as a nice warm-up to her 2007 book, tentatively titled Don't You Hate Moms?

Rock on, Ann. You contemptible beanpole.


Anonymous said...

But she has nice hair, so it all works out eventually.

that bootleg guy said...

You had me until you lofted the possibility that Ann might speak out against Sandra Bullock. If that's the case, then I'm intrigued by this Coulter chick and I'd like to subscribe to her newsletter.

wolfchick said...

You forgot freshly-baked bread, warm sunshine on your skin and really good hair days.

Which, also: Ann Coulter's hair ain't that great. Just super long and straight and boring. If it had a little more kink to it, it would be my hair.

Anonymous said...

For a conservative Republican, she has really nice hair. Remember Nancy? Barbara? All other female writers for the National Review? (Oh, wait...)

that bootleg guy said...

...and Ann bet' not have nothin' to say against my Oakland A's or else they'll sweep her, too.

(With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero...)