Sunday, September 11, 2005

Tomorrow Morning, Michael Irvin Is My Alarm Clock

We are now less than twelve hours away from the proper opening day to the NFL season. Woo! And I do believe I’ll add a “Hoo!” to that. Honestly, NFL opening Sunday is one of my three best sporting days of the year. The other two are the first two days of the NCAA basketball tournament, in case you were wondering. And NFL opening day gets an extra boost (not like it’d need it) from being always coupled with the men’s final at the U.S. Open. Although I might be more psyched for that event this year of Andre Agassi had more than an icicle’s chance in Hades of beating Roger Federer.


Anyway, since every other yahoo on the Internet seems to find themselves in a position to offer their picks for the week, I thought I’d look at an overcrowded marketplace and say “Me, too!”

My picks, complete with For Entertainment Only (heh, heh) gambling lines:

Denver (-4.5) over MIAMI [Going out on a limb, I know.]

CLEVELAND (+3.5) over Cincinnati [The three worst teams from last year all play at home this week. One will win. And it won’t be Miami or the Niners.]

BUFFALO (-4.5) over Houston [*cough*Homer!*cough*]

Tennessee (+7) over Pittsburgh [WAY too big of a line for a Steeler team without its top two running backs, against a team that could put up a lot of points.]

Chicago (+6) over WASHINGTON [Low scoring game, should be close. Much to my dismay, I’m actually onboard with Bill Simmons’s prediction of a Chicago resurgence.]

CAROLINA (-7) over New Orleans [I’d have picked it this way even before the Saints sadly became homeless. I don’t know why that disclaimer was necessary, but it was.]

MINNESOTA (-6) over Tampa Bay [And Culpepper better have a banner day, too.]

JACKSONVILLE (-3) over Seattle [Jags at home are simply a better team.]

KANSAS CITY (-3) over New York Jets [All this “Jets could win AFC East” talk is making me queasy. Go Chefs!]

Arizona (+3) over NEW YORK GIANTS [My Arizona playoff hunch begins right away.]

St. Louis (-5.5) over SAN FRANCISCO [Y’all, the Niners are bad. Bad. Awful.]

Green Bay (+3) over DETROIT [With the state of Mississippi strapped to his back as a motivator, Brett Favre could throw for 900 yards this week.]

SAN DIEGO (-4.5) over Dallas [I don’t like this game. Letdown factor for the Chargers coupled with Bledsoe’s tendency to show up well in week 1 could spell the classic upset.]

BALTIMORE (+3) over Indianapolis [Ravens got close last year, will get even closer this year. Closer like winning. It’s the motivator the Colts will need to run the table the rest of the year.]


smooth apollo said...

Jesus Christ, Joe...*please* make these picks a weekly thing!

Hoo Boy, where to begin!

As I type this, you're 4-8. But, if we started counting your additional "director's edition commentary" to the mix...

*Agreeing with Bill Simmons? That's a paddlin'.

*It appears Brett Favre's game was washed out down the Mississippi and into the Gulf of Mexico. Ay, que lastima!

*"Bad" means "Good" when it comes to the 49ers, though, right? Y'know, like all the kids are saying!

*Glad to see the Steelers missed Jerome Bettis. Get well soon, big guy!

*Culpepper: 233 yards, 3 INTs.

Remember, Joe...when you're right 33.33% of the time, that means you're wrong 66.66% of time.

"Aww, why didn't you tell me that BEFORE!?"

Joe R. said...

Oh, sure. NOW you pay attention to what I'm writing. And I'm only gonna keep making these picks if you do the same in the Bootleg every week. No fair having me look like an ass on a weekly basis when you're not doing the same (well, about football this time).

And, it should be noted, I got the only game that matters (Bills 22, Texans 7) right.

AND: Bills 1-0. Raiders 0-1.

AND AND: Shut up.