Wanted: Brain surgeon, or at the very least someone who knows their way around an exacto blade, for the expressed purpose of slicing into my brain and removing a slew of popular songs, which range from enjoyable to extremely unpleasant, but which are all currently lodged in my cranium and don’t seem to be going anywhere soon.
The songs to be excised include:
"Feel Good, Inc." by The Gorrillaz: Don’t get me wrong, I kind of love this song. But it won’t stop Mobius Stripping through my consciousness. A special bonus check, also, to anyone who can help me decide which part is more addictive: the “windmill, windmill” part or the “don’t stop, get it, get it, hahahahahaaaaa” part.
That "loaded God complex, cock it and pull it" song: Carlie, I’m going to send you the bill for this one, since I had never heard it before your party and now it won’t leave me alone.
"Don’t Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls: Okay, for one thing, I don’t think I’ve ever listened to it the whole way through, so I don’t know why it’s set up camp in my noggin. Every time I see it on VH1, I stop by for a few bars, because every time I get fooled into thinking Jody Whatley is on TV. Like it’s “I Love Obscure Dance/Pop Singers of The Very Early ‘90s” or something. But, no. It’s always the damn Pussycat Dolls. I think the problem is that my trigger for changing channels on the Pussycat Dolls is set to “Carmen Electra,” and without her, my defense mechanism is on the fritz. Anyway, get it outta my head!
No idea what this next song is called, because it’s not an entire song in my head, just this "My goodies, my goodies, my goodies . . ." part. And I have no idea what it is. I have a feeling it’s part of a well-known song, like . . . maybe “1,2 Step”? Or even the very same Pussycat Dolls song I just said I hated? No clue. But it needs to get out of my brain immediately, because pretty soon I’m gonna be at work, idly typing, and it’s just gonna come out: “My goodies, my goodies, my goodies . . .” And then I’ll either be fired or I’ll have to quit from the embarrassment.
Competitive wages. EOE.