Thursday, August 11, 2005

A Job Listing

Wanted: Brain surgeon, or at the very least someone who knows their way around an exacto blade, for the expressed purpose of slicing into my brain and removing a slew of popular songs, which range from enjoyable to extremely unpleasant, but which are all currently lodged in my cranium and don’t seem to be going anywhere soon.

The songs to be excised include:

"Feel Good, Inc." by The Gorrillaz: Don’t get me wrong, I kind of love this song. But it won’t stop Mobius Stripping through my consciousness. A special bonus check, also, to anyone who can help me decide which part is more addictive: the “windmill, windmill” part or the “don’t stop, get it, get it, hahahahahaaaaa” part.

That "loaded God complex, cock it and pull it" song: Carlie, I’m going to send you the bill for this one, since I had never heard it before your party and now it won’t leave me alone.

"Don’t Cha" by The Pussycat Dolls: Okay, for one thing, I don’t think I’ve ever listened to it the whole way through, so I don’t know why it’s set up camp in my noggin. Every time I see it on VH1, I stop by for a few bars, because every time I get fooled into thinking Jody Whatley is on TV. Like it’s “I Love Obscure Dance/Pop Singers of The Very Early ‘90s” or something. But, no. It’s always the damn Pussycat Dolls. I think the problem is that my trigger for changing channels on the Pussycat Dolls is set to “Carmen Electra,” and without her, my defense mechanism is on the fritz. Anyway, get it outta my head!

No idea what this next song is called, because it’s not an entire song in my head, just this "My goodies, my goodies, my goodies . . ." part. And I have no idea what it is. I have a feeling it’s part of a well-known song, like . . . maybe “1,2 Step”? Or even the very same Pussycat Dolls song I just said I hated? No clue. But it needs to get out of my brain immediately, because pretty soon I’m gonna be at work, idly typing, and it’s just gonna come out: “My goodies, my goodies, my goodies . . .” And then I’ll either be fired or I’ll have to quit from the embarrassment.

HELP ME!!

Competitive wages. EOE.

7 comments:

Tipsy McSwiggans said...

I will through my tiny hat with the obscenely large light on it (said the cartoon surgeon) into the ring for this position. Although I have no qualifications to speak of, I will however offer a trade ala sixth grade cafeteria.

One Pussycat Dolls song for a "Don't stop git it git it - I will"

two of your gorillaz tunes for my husband singing "my bum is on the ... (add your own noun here).

and although i have enjoyed its company for many a year - I would be willing to trade Rhinestone cowboy for your hostess cupcake and a Mr. Brightside

Cory said...

Personally, the part where he says "Feel good ... feel good" is the most addictive to me.

Fall Out Boy, "Sugar, We're Going Down" is the name of the loaded God complex song.

And "My goodies, my goodies ..." is actually ... "Goodies" by Ciara! Same artist as "1, 2 Step", but different song.

I'm a bastion for popular and unpopular music alike. At the very least, I try to think so.

Joe R. said...

Tipsy: No dice on the first two; And aint no way you're getting Mr. Brightside. I will, however, offer to take the Coyote Ugly soundtrack off your hands in exchange for the Mariah Carey video where she leaves Eric Roberts at the altar.

Cory: You're not the first to enlighten me about the title of "Goodies," but I thank you anyway. I actually knew the Fall Out Boy song title already, but it's the "loaded God complex" part that won't leave me be.

Tipsy McSwiggans said...

Ok Joe,
I'll give you the Coyote Ugly Sound track and even throw in Black or White (either the Michael Jackson or In Living Color version) but in return I want GTO by the Beach Boys and anything you have by Tom Jones.

I am also offering, for a limited time only - Hava Nageliah...

Mark said...

Anybody willing to take Beck's latest off my hands? I'd gladly go back to the Gorillaz for that. I dig the song, but it's on every 5 minutes.

Carlie said...

I always get "suicide it's a suicide" in my head from Get it Poppin, which seems strange, bc I intentionally boycott that song....yet I always flip to the channel during THAT PART!

Carlie said...

ps - as soon as I posted that comment, the song came on.

and I thought irony was dead.