Five things that impressed, appalled, or otherwise held my attention for more than 15 seconds during the past week:
1. Y’all need to catch Next on MTV. I normally hate the dating show genre, yet I’m inexplicably drawn to Elimidate and The Fifth Wheel, and Next deserves mention right along with those two stellar programs. Next is just like Elimidate, except that the harem is kept on a bus and dealt with one by one by the Randon Doofus/Dingbat. But the RD/D can choose to can all of the contestants! And, in turn, the contestant can refuse a date in exchange for a laughably small lump of cash! As, as always, the homosexuals make things even better because when the gay boys go on their dates, the rest of the contestants all take their shirts off and make out on the bus. It’s genius!
2. I have to mention the just-completed Wimbledon fortnight. Network coverage was spotty, as usual, and confined to the early a.m. hours when I wasn’t exactly conscious, but what I did see was something to behold. Particularly captivating was the charge of Venus Williams. Venus fought her way through six consecutive sets of the most competitive women’s tennis I’ve seen in a long, long while. The second set of her quarterfinal against a very game Mary Pierce was topped by a shrieking straight set win over Maria Sharapova, and was then topped again by a classic three set win over my beloved Lindsay Davenport. Fantastic, dramatic tennis all around.
3. Thank you, VH1, for re-running season 2 of America’s Next Top Model this week. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for Tyra Banks’s music video. Thank you for the time Catie couldn’t stop crying. Thank you for the girl who didn’t want to be made up to look like Grace Jones even though she totally looked like Grace Jones to begin with. Thank you for Shandi being a big ol’ ho-bag and for her boyfriend freaking shit over the phone. And I finally got to hear the origin of this “pack your bags, y’all” thing that I keep reading about. Although, seriously? Yoanna? Come on, Top Model. It’s Mercedes, y’all! She survived Lupus! What more do you want from the girl?
4. I very much enjoyed Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. Jim Carrey’s hamminess threatened to dampen my enjoyment every now and again, but the sets and atmosphere were so good, and the story was so clever (yet simple) that it didn’t bug me as much as I thought it would. But special mention has to go to young Emily Browning, who kicked a fair amount of ass as Violet Baudelaire. She projected a whole lot of toughness for such a young girl, and she was endearing in her more emotional scenes, too. IMDb says she doesn’t have any new projects on the horizon, which is a shame, because this girl could have a serious career ahead of her.
5. Lastly, I’m going to toss a belated holiday mention to this How American Are You? quiz I got from Sarah at Project D.U.. I’m 48% American. I don’t love it. I don’t want to leave it. I wouldn’t mind giving it an extreme makeover. Sounds about right to me.