Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Newz You Can Uze

Paris Hilton and Jason Mewes are making a movie together. Well, of course they are. Because if there was anyone that was going to annoy me more than Jay (sans Silent Bob), it’d be Paris effing Hilton. It also somehow fits that they would one day team up on some project. They’re both famous for acting out some brazenly gross version of themselves onscreen, they both give off a definite but nonspecific aura of disease, and they’ve both extended their own gimmicky brand of fame well past their expected sell-by dates.

The story is supposedly Swingers-esque, which tells us exactly nothing since the line for screenwriters aspiring to write the next Swingers stretches round the block and halfway to Vegas, baby.


New documentary to delve into obsessed fandom. Hey, it worked for the Trekkies. The Secret Life Of Superfans might sound like better fodder for an episode of “MTV: True Life”, but in this incarnation, it will include interviews with Rob Zombie, Bryan Singer, Gary Oldman and Malcolm McDowell.

Now, Rob Zombie and Bryan Singer I can see having obsessive fans. They’ve got stuff like heavy metal and comic books and horror movies that lend themselves more easily to crazed fandom. But . . . Gary Oldman and Malcolm McDowell? Because the cult of Immortal Beloved has gotten so unwieldy lately? Because McDowell is under constant siege by “Friends of Caligula”?

Err, not that I think “Friends of Caligula” actually exist, but if they did, I might have to add a couple guys to my security detail, too. Classics majors with an itch for the orgy? Sex-ay.


The Watchmen project is in trouble. All of a sudden, Paramount isn’t too psyched about the $120 million budget (frankly, I don’t blame them), and have moved production out of England, possibly to a more financially feasible location like Berlin or Prague. There are rumblings that the film – to be directed by The Bourne Supremacy’s Paul Greengrass – may not happen at all at Paramount.

This is one of those unfortunate occasions where I have to side with the concerns of the studio execs. A project like “Watchmen” is in a very specific catch-22. It’s not going to be able to make enough money to justify a huge budget. It’s too serious to be a popcorn superhero flick, but the fact that it is about superheroes will keep a lot of serious filmgoers away from it, unfortunately. On the flip side, though, this isn’t a movie that can be made on the cheap either. Not if you want to make it good. So the studio is left to make the extremely cynical decision to cheap out on the flick, to its detriment, in order to make a desperate stab at making a profit. Because the sad truth is, the people who are going to see this movie will see this no matter what.

See, this is why I’m sort of hoping that they never make a Sandman movie. It suffers from the same budget-vs-audience conundrum that “Watchmen” does. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, people: HBO 10-part miniseries. It’s the only way to get a movie done right and still have the chance to reap something of a reward.


Anonymous said...

Mewes is out of jail?


Joe R. said...

Well, last I saw (last night on Bravo) Mewes was sexually harassing a casting director on "Project Greenlight", so the answer to your question would be: "for now".

Jessica said...

I'm so glad there are others out there who share my intolerance of Jason Mewes. There's just something about him... the boy ain't right. And it's both creepy and irritating. And Paris Hilton! Don't even get me started. They're a perfect pair.